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December 31, 2015

Two thousand fifteen

The same scare revisits each and every new year without fail.

So how do I recap 2015? It's a year of tumbling down and getting up again. I'm glad that I can finally look over it and smile. It's a year that tested my patience the most. And it's a year that reveals the painful truth of faces that are dear to me.

I believe each and every person sent to you life for reasons to make you, you. And being a sentimental person that I am, I treasure beautiful memories from the yesteryears that make it hard for me to just erase people out of my life just like that. However, I do believe that people should do what they want, not because they do it out of sympathy or whatever bullshit they call it so I am more than happy to let go.

I am also thankful for all the people sent to me to lift up my days. Who showed me that I am not who I thought I was. The ones who came in out of nowhere and painted smiles on my face and planted butterflies in my stomach. And who make me believe in myself once again. Motivated me to look after myself better. Lend me helping hands and listening ears when I needed it the the most. Rant with me, together we be bitching about things that make me/us unhappy. You know who you are, please know that you are also my shining stars!

I don't wanna sound cliche and come out with new year resolutions. But I do have hopes that next year will be a year with lesser headache and heartache. I am walking out of 2015 a stronger person, and I would like to keep that momentum. I have always wanted to become a heartless person, and I do believe I am walking to the right directions.


Although, despite the strong person I am trying to be, deep inside me there is a nadzirah who is covered by anxiety and sorrow, full of scares and worries. One day, one sweet day, may the strong ones guide the weaker side to better days.


Keeping the faith. Always.

December 29, 2015

Catching up with Naynay

Bongiourno.

Finally in Venice, Italy. Finally reunited with Abang, Kakdiah, and my favourite little person in the world - Naynay.


Venice is freezing, freezing cold. The day we arrived the temperature hit a high 10 and that was it. The next days the temperature was only around 1-3degrees. 5 years in Ireland and I'm still not used to this kind of cold.


Anyway back to the main aim of the trip...we are sending Mak over mainly to take care of lil miss Naynay instead of her sister, really. Makcik ni energy dia macam makan pil kuda, she can play play play allllll day long. 4 adults tending her and we all got tired at the end of the day but she still can happily chirping around. Tatau la nanti awak ni ada adik cammana nanti ni. So while the attention can still be focused to her without being divided, we give it to her.


With Naynay, I play the role of the fiercer aunty. On certain parts I give in to her, but I never let her go overboard. Kalau dia dah start main tutup lampu ke apa ke buat dek je sampai dia tak jadi main dah. Tapi Mak on the other hand, she gave in to  her grandkid a lil bit too much. Amboih dulu kecik2 dulu iols kena bantai cucu dia ni nak jentik pun tak sampai hati. Lepastu iols buli je balik kalau dia buli so nanti dia akan stress. Kiki.


Anyway few days more til I go back. Cam sedih pulak nak tinggalkan. Seronok plak dah a few days duduk sini. Risau jugak nanti sapa nak halang mak dari kena buli dengan Naynay kahkah. Baby pun very slim chance nak jumpa. If only I have plenty of annual leaves to spare. Sigh.

Ciao

December 24, 2015

#keItalykekita



A;

Betul ke you nak gi Italy ni...tak payah la pergi.


K;

Boleh ke you pergi Italy ni...jangan baru pergi 4 hari dah mintak balik.


Once in a while it's good to have that being wanted feeling coming back to you after what has somewhat felt like being devalued so much. Kasi can la kan..kahkah macam haremm, i know.

Baby, jauh makngah makngah datang ni. Habis cuti makngah nak simpan carry forward tahun depan ni. Keluar please, sayang?

December 23, 2015

Radar

I was frantically searching for my instant shawl. Pretty sure I skimmed through each and every single pieces. Nope. Positive I didn't find it.

"Mak ada nampak shawl adik tak. Yang biru dgn hitam tu" 
"Haritu mak nampak ade je kat sini" 

And so she went. And she freakin pulled my instant shawl out of the place I've searched before.
And shot me the whatever-lah-kau-ni-anak look.

I swear. Moms are the best thing finder in the world. Hihihi..



So I was out meeting this hmm someone. Unplanned, kebetulan he just got back from outstation. And I wanted to pass the thing he asked me to buy from Hatyai. And we are long overdue to meet each other, each time mesti ada je halangan. So tonight, quite late, I almost finished packing and he was passing by my house I thought- lepak je lah.

And out of a sudden, a text came through..

 "Assalamualaikum" 
"Waalaikumussalam" 
"tak tdo lg ke" 
"blum. hihi" 
"watpe ni you"

Kahkahkah. Itu pun aneh jugak ye. Ada radar jugak ke. I don't normally text somebody late at night that frequent, especially since he has extended family coming over to his place this week. Last we texted each other was around 8 something and I just let the last message unreplied. Plus dia memang tido awal. Nad sekarang nak chill dan cekal takde clingy-clingy to text messages. Sebab dia pernah keluar statement orang kening bersambung ni kuat cemburu, so takyah la jawab betul-betul just to keep the peace. Terpaksa la guna distraction skill. And as expected halfway through dah senyap dah. Tido lettew. 

December 21, 2015

Cepat marah vs Cepat sensitif

Semalam;
I rasa you dah ambik perangai I sikit la, macam cepat marah sekarang.

Diam diam dalam hati. Dia tak tau iols kalau PMS burung berkicauan pun boleh kena marah. Lols


Harini;

You, you cepat sensitive tak? 
Nape tanya camtu? 
I macam dah cepat sensitive la sekarang. Dok fikir perangai sapa la yg I ambik ni. 
Kahkahkah. Cis betul tanya soalan tepat camtu. Nasib kau la bang.


It's okay. I am trying my best to develop some kecekalan over here. Lately I have been told a lot of things. Sedih ada marah ada kecewa ada, tp of the utmost important, I don't let those feelings get on me anymore. Upset upon hearing, and I shake it off. Selepas what it felt like being stabbed front and back, top and bottom, I don't think I should be like how I was before.  What doesn't kill you, should make you stronger, yes?


Banyak lagi yang bermain difikiran, I'm just going to let it just linger in my mind.
Right now right here, I am just going with the flow, and keep the faith to The Almighty.

December 20, 2015

Full Name

Did something that annoys him. Asal geram/marah/bengang je keluar nama penuh. Kahkah.


Tp harini kisah menyayat hati sikit :

"You, okay tak shawl I"
"Kebaya ketat la you, labuhkan la sikit shawl ni, tutup sikit"

And...a few other things that he dropped, like a bomb. Drop it like it'S hot.


Belle dah marah ni, deal tahun baru dah kena stop contacting him.


Hmmmm..

December 17, 2015

Superpower

I had trouble sleeping last night. Tossed around the bed left and right but still couldn't fall asleep. Someone told me because I did skipping. Tapi semalam pun iols skipping jugak elok je pukul 11 dah tertido. Hmm. Tipu betul teori.

Funny thing happened yesterday. So I went out for lunch. It's hard these days to have lunch since the company's rules have changed a bit. Not mine lah. Or maybe dia malas nak lunch ngan iols? Paranoid alert ting ting ting ok whatever.

After lunch somebody was so sleepy I thought he was drugged or something. I took over the wheel and drove around since we have another 30 minutes before my lunch break is over. I think this is only the 2nd time I drove him, and the first time I drove his car. So ni mmg ngantuk betul la ni.

The seat was reclined and somebody dozed off. I went to buy my favourite bigcup coffee. Asked him to take a sip, he did and made some remark and asked me to drive to Petronas because he wanted to withdraw some money. ATM was packed so we went back to my workplace.

I parked for a while and give some time before I wake him up. Tak sampai hati. When my time was up and made sure the other person can do some maths only I left for work. Yup. I test sleepy people with their adding and subtracting ability. Lols.

I found out that the whole time he was talking to me up to the point we were parked, he didn't quite realize what was happening. All those things, directions was uttered subconsciously. Aneh betul manusia cemni. I asked for direction and it was answered correctly okay. Is this some kind of superpower. Rugi iols tak tanya soalan pelik-pelik mana tau bole dapat jawapan jujur ke ape kan. Kah.


Haih. Mengeluh iols ni memikirkan nasib diri. Haih sesangat.

Sunday come quick please dah takde mood nak kerja this week.




December 16, 2015

Setahun sudeyh

So many things in my mind that I need to let it out.


One year has passed

It's my first year anniversary in the current workplace. Never regretted resigning from where I worked before. So far I enjoyed working here. Tadi je ada kena muntah sikit dengan patient. Lain-lain has been okay...so far so good. Got to practice my skills and got to do more compared to my previous workplace.


Spa

I went to the spa treatment gifted by A last time. It rained cats and dogs soon after I reached Puchong. The parking was quite hard to find so I had to park somewhere and walk to find the place. Walk. In the middle of the rain. And I didn't even know where the place at, called a few times but still couldn't get to the place I almost gave up. Like a headless chicken I went here and there and only managed to find the place after my clothes is drenched in rain despite having umbrella. Thank God the treatment was good. Had scrubs, masker as well as 30 mins massage. The massage was not too bad but I still prefer my favourite Thai massage. Again, thank you kind stranger for the gift.


However, since I went from drenched in rain to air-conditioned room, I am feeling slightly under the weather today. Need to get me some Vitamin C before it got worsened.



Eh. Macam banyak je nak cerita. Tapi dah takde idea. Oh well.



December 14, 2015

Say what you mean

Say what you mean, mean what you say - that, I always tell myself.


However today I was caught in an awkward situation that requires me to say..something that I don't really mean. It was a phrase that requires me to reciprocate, so I had to do..just to fit in the moment.


Kinda confused on how to reply. And I hate myself for saying something I don't really mean. But iols pernah cakap I miss you and it was replied with thank you kahkah macam jilake jugak perasaan dia. So really, I really don't know what should I do.


Maybe it doesn't mean as much to people on the other end but to me, it does. Fuh, it sure doesn't feel good when you say something that you don't mean to other people I wonder how people can do this a lot of time?

December 13, 2015

Kelegaan

So I just did KL - Penang - Kangar - Hatyai - Penang - KL.

Rode on bus to Penang, ETS to Kangar, taxy to Haytai, car to Penang and executive bus to KL. Totally amazed with the train stations. It's like the European's. Proper waiting area, amenities and all. Beza dia train ni singgah Kodiang ja kalau tak ziryes dah sama macam German.

Had my first experience crossing border to Hatyai. Because it was school holiday, it's a bit packed. Wany told me usually there aren't as many people on normal days. Took us around half an hour to get the passport stamped.

Taxy from the border to Hatyai costed us around 650baht, and the journey took around 1 hour. Tak pasti mahal ke tak because the taxy guy was very hard people to negotiate with. Awal tu dia bukak harga 800baht if I'm not mistaken.

In Hatyai itself....all I can say the sellers are not friendly at all. They couldn't care less if you are buying or not so they don't really treat you well. Didn't really shop there because of that cari barang yg memang orang kirim je. But I did went a little gugu gaga over shop that sells flask..periuk..tiffin..sudip. Kahkah dah macam makcik2 dah iolsss.

Food wise..the pulut ayam and mangga are scrumptious. We had lunch at Restoran Hamid- food are so-so but because it has place to pray and toilet with water so it's convenient.

We went to massage parlour but suprisingly enough I didnt go for the full body massage. I went gor the foot massage instead. Badan lekit and we were sweating so I wasn't comfortable to get the full body massage. Rugi sikit especially after Z bragged how good it was. Takpelah, I can always go to my favourite Thai massage in KL...


Balik makan nasi kandaq ketapang - my all time favourite. 10 malam makan nasi sepinggan ape ade hal. Pagi tadi breakfast another round of nasi kandaq ape ade hal. Balik timbang naik 2kg menangis dalam hati now dah banyak hal. Hwaaaa..sedih.


All in all it was an okay trip. Tapi kalau kahwin macam nak cari periuk dekat Hatyai je kahkah berangan abis bile la nak kahwin ni. Hmm.


Somebody went quiet on me apehal tah. Message pun tak berjawab. Oh well.

December 10, 2015

Berlapang dada

I think I need to learn to berlapang dada. Like really lower lower down my expectation. Like don't expect anything from anyone. That way, I'll be a lot happier.


This is me reminding myself, don't go bitter over little things. Bersyukur lah with what and who you have in your life. At least they are still there, still not given up on you.


Think of those happy moments. Those things that make you smile from ear to ear. All those good memories.


December 08, 2015

Tak puas hati

The last run has really costed my leg and my body. My calf pain got even worse today. Kulit ku kilat-kilat kerana sunburn. Jalan kengkang-senget sebab sakit. Nak sangat lari jejauh nah amik kau ni makanan dia.

So I told someone about the calf pain. And how I wished I got them massaged. And he offered to buy me a spa treatment. I was skeptical at first. Then he asked for my email. Next thing I know I got an email with  Groupon vouchers. 2 visit some more. I stared the coupons  in disbelief and thanked him anyway.

I told him out of worries and pain never expecting for anything, really. Just wanted someone to listen. Saja nak mengadu je. May God bless you kind souls! :)

Anyyyywayyyyy...


I don't usually go and voice out what bothers me. I just go silent and try to calm the demons down. While in the process of calming down, I usually buat perangai to the person that makes me feel..whatever ketidakpuasan I was having. Taknak beritahu sebab apa tapi geram.


Because sometimes...my reasons are quite ridiculous. I overthink things. So it's better if the other person don't know what's inside my mind. Tapi, geram dalam hati lepastu protes orang perasan jugak kan. Kahkah.


Dulu-dulu bila buat perangai, other person will assume, and at times kena marah balik sebab saya marah/tak puas hati based on his assumption. Kadang tu tak betul pun. However with this guy, he told me specifically to just voice out anything that bothers me. I told him i'm not used to it. He told me then get used to it.


At first it felt weird to tell people your dissatisfaction. Tapi now it does feel good somehow. Kalau ada tak pueh hati I would put on the jeling-senget-marah emoticon or would just go "I marah kat you ni"

Tengok la tu perangai. Dah kena warn pun nak tau gak. Told him the reason and he offered me some explanation. Pastu gelak-gelak je la. Sebenarnya iols chill je orangnya :P  

However, unfortunately, this is another keterbiasaan dan i need to takbiasakan. It's not like I will end up with him anyway..

Hmm.




December 07, 2015

Closing my 2015 Run

New distance recorded - I've ran 16km TRAIL run in FRIM yesterday.


When we first registered, I wanted to go for the 9km category. But I was convinced by Zack it's time to step up my game and because i registered during my birthday, she said I should have gifted myself a longer run.

Little did I know I'm going to be ditched by her halfway through -_-

 It was a hilly trail and there are points where running is almost impossible for newbies like me. For 16km we had to run 2 loops of the trail. So having gone through the first loop, I knew what is coming and how steep the hills were and how demotivating and tiring that can be awaiting me in the 2nd half.

I tried to rehydrate myself as much as I could but with the hilly trail, but cramps are still inavoidable circumstances. I had my first cramp at km8-9 but I shook it off and went on anyway. The cramp subsided after a while.

After finishing first loop, I met Adam, Zack's friend and he told me he's not going for the 2nd loop. Zack was behind me and I thought she is going to join me in the 2nd loop. Checked my phone after I started 2nd loop only to find out Zack ditched me.

Disebabkan tema larian tahun ini just keep swimming, just keep running, I forced myself to just go on. Run, walk or crawl, I need to finish this run. And I finish it at 2:54hours. At the last kilometres I just couldn't take it anymore as the cramp start to be more persistent and just won't go away.


I was just so glad I finished the race. Still experiencing some pain until today but hey, who would have thought this fatgirl can run 16km TRAIL run...


This is my last run for 2015. Last year I ran 6. This year I promised myself to run 7. Registered for 7 but I truthfully only ran 6 because Puma night run didn't really count. 

Next year target?
My first Half Marathon perhaps. Not quite sure if I can run more than 7 so let's just put 7 as a target. Itupun kalau mampu capai. 




MWM - Hulu Langat Trail Run - Green Warrior Run - Mardi-MAEPS Trail Run - Puma Night Run - FRIM Forest Trail Run - Larian MPSJ

December 05, 2015

Serabut

There's so much things that happened this few days. And so many wrong timing decisions. Such a costly decisions :(

I need to get the house in KL rented soon. Need to furnish it a lil bit here and there and I've got no time to do that... :(

Tangan pun macam sakit. Performed a difficult extractions and it's still aching til now. Maybe need a massage but too lazy to go by myself :(

Still adjusting with the lower dosage of antidepressant. Need to get adjusted soon. Soonest...before I fall even deeper. Kinda missing him now that makes me scared :(


Let's do this WonderWoman!

December 04, 2015

Angan-angan jadi impian, impian jadi cita-cita

During my schooldays, I've always wanted to be a doctor. But then reality kicks in. And I realized I don't enjoy Biology as I thought I would.

I saw the struggles of my relatives to secure a job and I thought to myself, I will find a job that has a demand so high I need not go through the hassle and disappointment of job hunting. So I thought, okay, maybe not quite a medical doctor, but I should stick in the healthcare line. 

I was still searching for a path back then.

At the age of 17 I finally got my chipped front tooth fixed after living with it for close to 10 years. I was inspired. 

I got straight As for my SPM but only A2 for my Biology and EST, so I said, okay, I can actually still be in the healthcare field. Why don't I choose Dentistry, close enough to Medicine, I guess?

As I started Dentistry, I realized I still have some love for Medicine. I began to love Oral Medicine subject so much because that was the closest to Medicine I can get. At the same time, I also fell in love more towards Dentistry ;)

When I finally started working, I really enjoyed my Oral Medicine/Oral Pathology rotation. I developed a good connection with my specialist, that I even continued with once in 2 week attachment with him. 

However, I have begun to not enjoyed my work in my then workplace. Repetitious. Too many workload. I felt like I was a robot. I became an angry person after seeing around 40 patients per day. I didn't have enough time to have small chit chat with my patients. I didn't enjoy working in Johor. 

But strangely enough, I felt so sad because I felt like I didn't give back enough to the community, despite the fact that I dislike working where I was before.

I resigned from my old workplace and started working where I am working right now. I get to practice my skills again. Loads of things happen. I realized my passion to work on my own and give back to community starting to surpass my dream to become a specialist. 

At this moment, I dreamed of owning my own practice. I want to give back to community with my own way. At one point the dream got shattered when I lost a potential partnership but now I am back in the track.

Another dream was also born as I aim to open a child care centre which caters..erm..almost everything. Won't disclose anything as of now as it's still in the angan-angan phase :P

I am actually a strict person to myself. At times I would like to think I am a high achiever. Becomes specialist has always been my ultimate goal. But right now, I have to work on something else first. 


Ergh..writing this in between loads of patients rasa macam tak sampai plak sepenuhnya perasaan plak tapi still nak buat luahan perasaan. Kahh..Kbye

December 02, 2015

Trivial Questions

I always wonder whether guys really meant what they said. Or they said things at the spur of the moment. Didn't really mean it. If asked again, they might not even remember ever saying it. Well, my experience has kinda proves me right. So before saying goodbye for good, I'd like to test him.

Over a plate of Nando's whole chicken, wedges, coleslaw and iced lemon tea, I started my interrogation..


Alaa you bukan ingat pun apa you penah cakap kat I. Bukan ingat pun benda-benda kita buat. I lain laa, i, never forget. Nad remembers everything, K.  
Eh bak datang la try I..you ingat you sorang je ke memory power.

Okay, first time kita jumpa, you pakai baju warna apa?

Biru!

Salah! Naaa tengok soalan first pun dah jawab salah..

Eh betul la. Ke kelabu?

Takk.. Okay next question- i makan apa time kita first time jumpa

Mi!

Salah!

Okay maggi! Maggi goreng, dengan ayam..time tu you pakai baju warna warni..
Apa tipu gila, hari-hari I pakai baju warna-warni 
Oklah..base dia hijau..eh hitam..I tak suka you pakai baju tu jangan pakai baju tu dah..

T__________T Okay fine. To be honest I don't like wearing that baju either, but I wore because, well, it shows a lil bit of my curves haha gila reverse effect rupanya kasi kat dia. So no more that baju to work. Noted!

Okay, ye. I dah lama pun tak pakai baju tu.. fine..betul..next question, 2nd time kita jumpa kat mana

Ice kacang! Haha..you yg trap i bawak you..cakap kereta rosak

Mana ada rosak! Kereta I servis tak siap lagi la..

Tp lepastu balik servis lampu indicator kereta you rosak kan

Eh..tu lepas servis okay

Ha betul la jugak, rosak la jugak kereta you tu

Okay fine!

Biar I plak tanya soalan..time kita makan dekat Tam Nasi Ayam, apa yang i mengadu kat you?

Ehh...aaaa..

*somebody menari-nari menggeliat dalam cubaan melarikan fokus. Sambil menggoyangkan kepala letak simbol L loser besar-besar dekat dahi*
Haa..apa..mana memory you yg power tu..

Alaa..Tam eh..i tak ingat dah la..
I cakap pasal kereta I basah..cermin leaking tu
Itu you dah cakap jugak kottt before tu..maca aci.. 
Ahh..takde. Tapi time tu mostly concern I memang kereta basah..  
Okay. Apa lagu yang you cakap I tuju kat you tu 
Haha..tu mana aci..tu bukan you yang cakap. Tu I yg cakap. 

So I thought he didn't remember..

Ed Sheeran! Hahaha..I ingat la..tajuk je I tak tau..I tak hafal tajuk 
Haha..okay. Fine. Boleh la betullah..
Apa yang you cakap "Okay..next week I hantar .... I nak you .... I nak make sure you ....." 
Finally question he didn't quite remember. Came out with all sorta answers but finally got one quite close
...pasal business partner...
Haa..okay almost there. But not quite. See.. I dah cakap dah..you ni main cakap je bukan you maksudkan pun. 20% tahap pelupa teruk you. 
I banyak fikir la you. Tapi I still maksudkan apa yang I cakap okay..
Dan-dan banyak fikir.


And a few more questions that he answered quite right.
I was smiling in my heart, quite delightful when he remembers a lot of things. But a little bit sad because I need to bury these memories soon.


Soon. Real soon. :)
Today doesn't count because I had some unsettle business with him. Business now finished we can close the chapter already.


November 30, 2015

Just random


Sometimes, we go east coast just because...reasons.. Ya know.. And none of us originated from East Coast. Selangor/KL to the core yaw. Kah. Penipu gila. Tapi betul la, takde pantai timur pun mostly selatan je utara je

Tomorrow comes December. I'm going to start tapering down my antidepressant. So kasi can la iols nak reminisce saat indah for the last time..

Goodbye K. Imma say hello from the other side now :')

November 29, 2015

No chill

Tonight I'm strucked by a very envious feeling. How I wish things go my way.


Or this might just be another case of missing a presence.


Whatever it is, you are still so far like a distant star I'm wishing on tonight.

November 27, 2015

Wait for me to come home



Song came on radio, I sang along and suddenly..
I macam terasa pulak dengar lagu ni 
I shot him an annoyed face.
You tuju lagu ni kat I eh 
Rolled my eyes.
Okay, wait for me to come home eh *gelak besar*
Proceeded to just sing the song even louder and ignored him



All these things but I still can't call him my own. Just jotting these down to become memories that I can look back when I miss it. A portion of my life that is effing complex yet makes me happy.


I would like to call him my antidepressant. Just enough dosage to lift me up from where I was before. But like any other drugs, at one point I will need to stop it once I get better. I'm getting better and will start to wean off this drug off my system, soon ;)


November 26, 2015

Wildest dream




Let's start this post with - Wildest Dreams. A song that I feel..haha kinda close to me right now. Thanks Bella for recommending. Kahkah.


I used to be very good in pushing other people's button. Kalau ada benda yang buat saya tak puas hati, saya akan cari gaduh secara halus, which in the end will lead to a proper cari gaduh la of course. Tak kira dengan siapa pun mesti aku buat.


However I find recently I have kinda lost the skill, or I give in a little too easily. Or the other side knows how to handle me before the crazy in me makes thing worse. Like today, I actually got a little upset because somebody went silent the whole night before. Well, actually I kinda knew why and kinda need to expect it but I got upset anyway. I hate when people who don't usually do, go silent on me. Typical me, that is.


So I tried to push the buttons. But I can't seem to find the way. Sebab dia buat dek je dengan perangai huduh aku kahkah. Lepastu umpan ajak pergi makan. Terus okay je tak jadi nak buat perangai. So I ended up giving it too soon.

Lepas balas statement bawah actually ada orang tukar nada serius-merius terus iols tak jadi buat perangai. Bahaha...lemah!  Tapi lepastu keluar kena interrogate la kenapa buat perangai dan kalau jumpa depan-depan memang jangan harap la boleh luahkan ketidakpuasan hati. Dalam message berani la kahkahkah. But he knows, I'm not happy. And dia dah google siap-siap mana nak makan sebelum satu lagi isu timbul kahkah.



My oh my. Hoping I got to meet someone who knows how to handle me like this fella. When I go crazy, don't go crazy too. Tame me, calm me down, just hug me and shut my demons down. Masih berdoa, dan terus berdoa. Moga suatu hari superman iols sampai, with a package that complements me :) Amiin.


N,
Gadis Berharap 

November 25, 2015

Observant

Eh, you tukar your braces eh. Kenapa warna lain. 
Aah, haritu I baru gi follow up. Sajaaa...tukar-tukar angin. You ingat ke warna apa sebelum ni. 
Sebelum ni macam warna lain..cam pudar sikit pink kuning camtu



Wow. Observant. My boss where I did my locum only notice I'm wearing braces after I took xray of my teeth. My boss. A dentist. And I have worked for him for around 10 months already. Lol.

November 24, 2015

Pretty messed up


Nanti I hantar agreement, kita sign biar ada black and white
Agreement apa nya..
I nak make sure kita jadi business partner 
......
I nak make sure business kita jalan. First of all memang la I nak profit. Secondly because I want to keep on seeing you


Dah macam drama melayu dah ni.

K, you really are messing up my head pretty bad.

And yet, you're so far like a distant star (I'm wishing on tonight)


Doa kuat jodoh iols on the way so that I don't go too deep in this really complex hole. Someone, superman, save me, pretty please?

November 21, 2015

That day that I finally visited all 14 states of Malaysia

Hello. I am live from kedai mamak, while waiting for my baby to be made up. About time for baby V to get a lil touch up right?


So....i finally visited all 14 states of Malaysia. Kasihan bukan? Dah tua-tua baru nak complete. Takpelah better late than never.


It all started when Fuzah kinda open up the invitation. Her husband has some sort of course in KK and she wants to tag along but she'll be bored during the day. So cut the story short I bought the ticket and flew to KK last Tuesday.


Coz it was just a relaxing-in-the-middle-of-the-week kinda trip, we didn't really plan the activities and just went with the flow. So my KK trip wasn't really a complete one since I didn't visit Kundasang and all that popular spots. Takpe. There's always a next time.


I am a very gayat person. Heights isn't really my bestfriend. But for some reason I wanted to try parasailing. And I went for it. And it was one heck of a good decision because I really enjoyed it. Oklah ade lah terjerit-jerit ketakutan but heck it I really enjoyed it kot. Went snorkelling, wasn't as interesting as Perhentian's but boleyyyy laaaaa buat geli-geli. Hmm. I miss Perhentian.


I also got to meet my dear friend Nabila. Catching up with her always give me some good feeling for some reason. Taktahu macammana mahu explain but saya happy la dapat berborak-borak. Gitchew. We met up at this super hipster cafe called Sharikat Biru-biru and the waffle we ordered was damn good saya terkenang sampai sekarang. Damn it.


However the journey was ended with a slightly bitter note. 30 minutes after takeoff on the flight back home, my stomach doesn't feel good. I thought i was hungry, but at some point I had this urge to go to toilet and off I went.
Spent a while doing number 2 in the toilet and my stomach was having one heck of a cramp. Went out the toilet sebab bersalah because I spent too long in the toilet.


After 2 steps out of the toilet, I felt really dizzy and I blacked out. Freakin black out in the plane!!!!! Drama sungguh ya rakan2. Luckily the cabin crews are nearby, they picked me up and placed me on their seat for recovery.


That flight, although lasted for only 2.5 hours became the longest flight ever as I fought thru the dizziness and stomach pain and diarrhea. Hoih stress gila okay. But really thank you to the cabin crew of flight AK5119 from KK to Klia2. You guys rocked big time. The pilot too!


Encountered another obstacle as I had to drive myself home because I parked my car in Putrajaya Sentral. Swallowed some chi kit teck aun, rested for a while and picked up myself and took the ERL to Putrajaya Sentral. Kept on telling myself I'm a wonderwoman and that I can do it. Gagahkan jugak diri dalam keadaan 5050, drove back home. Safe and alive. Sekali je ade sikit nak termasuk longkang but I managed to regain my control.


So begitulah. It was a bittersweet journey but for sure it was a very memorable one.

November 16, 2015

Dream Guy?


Every girls will have their very own version of a dream guy.


One who almost never fail to greet you every morning.
One who you can chat over a lunch for 3 hours nonstop that you went with hungry stomach and went back to almost hungry stomach.
One who made you feel so special.
One who hits every right button.
Right amount of fat and meat to hug.
Right amount of height that you feel safe being under his arms.
Chemistry that connects you both more than the covalent and ionic bonds.
Sparks that turns to firework each and everytime you both hit the high times.


But of course God works His thang in such a mysterious way. You can never always get what you want, but you will get what you need.

Thank you for giving me the chance to feel what it's like to have a dream guy, although not for long, not forever. My dream guy is a stranger, and forever a stranger he will be. We made our pitstops, now I have to let go and go on and find my very own destination.

It was a nice ride. And I am back to see the greener side of the grass after spending some time in the dark valley.

Goodbye stranger, I am going to miss you :')

God, I am trusting your plans.

November 09, 2015

Knock Out Knackered

From now on, I shouldn't really jinx my own so-called weight loss target. It has gone up a bit after few days of eating, eating and so  much eating. Most of my lunch hours were filled with rice, full plate. My appetite has gone crazy this few days. Either because of the hormone, or someone else. Hopefully so by next week I'll be back on the right track. Hormones should start to calm down, and someone else, well, someone else will just be like everyone else in my life who has disappeared. LOL.

But have to say I'm knock out knackered already. It was crazy the past few days. I had fun nonetheless.

Ergh dah tak tau nak cakap ape dah.

What comes may, be strong WonderWoman. We can totally do this alright ;)

November 02, 2015

November Rain


Oh Hello there.

Was supposed to ran the Puma Night Run last Saturday. I was so excited because it was my first night run.


However the day before I slept at around 3, woke up at 6, fell asleep again and woke up quite late for my work. Soon as I reached workplace, I worked non stop from 10.45 til 230 with the help of Bliss, and that was it. Seen at least 17 people in total I still couldn't believe I did it. Bless the Bliss, breakfast paling mudah dalam dunia. Heh.


In short, despite my enthusiast in running that night, I doubt my ability to pull it off after having very minimal sleep and fatigue from working. But I tried to get as much help as I could. Pisang, Milo, my fat burner pill which I rarely take cause it will cost me my sleep, and - most powerful one : DOA IBU kahkah. I convinced myself I'm a WonderWoman and went to Setia Alam anyway.


It started to rain cats and dogs at around 7.30, and was worsened by the lightnings and all. Kesimpulannya the only running we did that night was...running from the rain. Half of me was disappointed but half of it was relieved because of my condition that night.  We got our medal and all but I still feel it is the most medal tak bermaruah I ever gotten. Hmm.


The next day WonderWoman was finally defeated. Got out from bed only around 2pm. Literally forced myself to sleep and rest, even though I was up before 10am. Had a plan to go to the foodfest but I don't think I can do that. Hmm a bit disappointed la since I was really looking forward to it. Tapi most of the feedbacks were negative ones siap cakap depa pi makan kat amcorp la ss19 la. Still, I felt guilty to my company for pulling out from our supposed outing. WIll make it up to him one day, hehe.


Kesimpulannya semua plan pun tajadi. Haha sedih. Inilah contoh terbesar kita hanya mampu merancang, kan?


That night I felt much better and was kidnapped to Lamp Festival in none other than my top most hated place - Putrajaya. Sebab bukan saya yang drive so layan je la. Major disappointment last-last balik makan dekat Night Circle je. Haha. Tak thrill langsung baik pergi iCity je.


Other than that, nothing much. 4 more kgs away from my supposed 1st target so that I can reward myself with so-called more than rm400 handbag. Kira handbag paling mahal la saya ada sekarang ni paling mahal pun 300 lebih.  Nak tunggu orang kasi hadiah mmg tak dapekla. The next 10kgs after the first one if I ever made it, I will throw a kenduri kesyukuran terus kahkah macam tak de confidence je kan nak buat. Metabolism slows down with age what can we do aight?

October 23, 2015

Words fail

I've got a lot of things to write, but I can't seem to put the right words to it.

One thing for sure, days are getting brighter each day. I would like to believe the curse has been slowly lifted over even though things could go wrong at any point from here. But I am grateful I don't wake up feeling bad anymore.

Nonetheless, I do feel insecure living in uncertainties. I wish I could peek into the future and see what it has for me. But right here right now, patience is a virtue. A lil patience, a lot of faith is what I keep on telling myself everyday to keep going.

Putting my faith in Him, as He will arrange my life accordingly. One day it will be my turn to get my prayers answered. And til the day arrives, I am going to keep on praying and hoping.

October 21, 2015

Crunch time

September/October crunch time is O V E R. Alhamdulillah.


You know when suddenly at one time everything needs your attention. That's how I was the last 2 months. I didn't expect the purchase of house involves a lot of side things to be paid. Kahkah. Innocent sungguh saya. These 2 months alone I have to spend quite a lot to settle few things for the house. Insurance and roadtax renewal some more. Kereta pun tetiba nak tukar bearing la apa la. Plus, I was in great stress last month that I took an escape to Pulau Besar despite being broke. Lol. Since I've already borrowed large amount from Mak for the house segan dah nak mintak lagi so I worked extra hard this 2 months.


Aside from taking side jobs here and there, another tips that I read and really worked is to give more when you need more. Like seriously it does wonder. At the time where I really had to fork out money to settle things I would just chip in at any donation drives. This is not about bragging my donations or whatnot but this is simply just highlighting the point that sedekah really gives you more. And of course, never leave out your parents. Initially I negotiated with Mak saying I can't give her sekian sekian for this month but I worked extra and figured out I can still give her what I give her as usual.


Alhamdulillah.


Que sera-sera, aight? :)





October 19, 2015

Dream guy

If I combine...

X's gentleness and positive aura
Y's physique and wit
with a lil touch of Z's naughtiness

BOOM - dream guy right there.

But you can't always get what you want aight?

Wrapping up last week

Boys In Green's campaign in RWC is over. Stranded in the QF in Argentinian's hands. They were battered front back left right but they fought hard. Breaks my heart to see Paulie at the spectator bench. At one point the scores were so closed, but towards the end they were all tired and injured already.

It's okay. Hopefully they will improve in the next 4 years. There are a few young players who have big potentials I hope they develop well throughout this years :)

X


The past week has been...an interesting one. One thing for sure I need to increase my stamina well. Did variety of calories-burning activities - hiking, badminton, karaoke-ing (yes, I think we burn at least 500kcal from the jumping and dancing) and cycling. The last time I hike was around 2 months ago so my fitness level wass quite poor. Plus, I was on my red flag when I hiked so that slowed me down a bit. Stress jugak la hike dengan orang ni that's why I like to hike by myself. Takyah nak ikut pace ke apa. Kah.

I was quite surprised to find out cycling tires me out faster than hiking. Did a mistake as I took a light breakfast  and almost passed out towards the end. Gave up at few hilly areas, tolak beskal pun menangis dalam hati okay. Lepasni ada cecita nak buat Skytrex tapi saya gayaaaat tatau la mampu dak buat. Let's see if I can be convinced to do those hanging by the air activities.


Last but not least, I am so happy that I finally managed to settle the pest control for my house. And I had a good deal as well. I have surveyed here and there and the market price are usually from RM1500-RM2000 but I had a very very good price. That's one obstacle down, many many more to go. But at least that's a big one. The CDs pun depa dah amik I just give em away. I know I could sell them off tp takpela sedekah kat depa ni lagi bagus. Senang keje iols.



Going through my days, living it one by one. Que sera-sera, what ever will be, will be :)

October 18, 2015

Taking the leap of faith

I don't know who you are -


But I'm with you

October 15, 2015

Doing it for others

We don't always get what we desire - that's the truth that hurts. But people said things can be nurtured, developed, grown. Alangkan potato pun boleh tumbuh dekat Mars, apatah lagi benda lain ye dak?

However, to do something that you aren't really...interested. It's hard. When you force something, it's tiring. When your heart is longing for something else but you've been told to do the other things, it hurts.

But I do listen to advises. As stubborn as I might appear, I can accept opinions too. So I'm giving it a try although my heart is screaming this is totally not for me. Kah. Apa boleh buat. It's not like I have a lot of options.

So aku layan je and try to hold on as much as I can. See how far this will go. Risau lebih je tah tah tak kemana pun. Lol.

On another note, I've been asked what do I look for in a guy. Well first of all, I need a manly man. I know it's a bit unfair because I'm not a girly girl..and because I don't have a slim and slender body, I don't fancy petite guy too. And I..if I'm not interested, you will know I'm not interested.

But if one is adamant. I might eventually give in. I have to admit, I'm a lil bit of a clingy person. Clingy in the sense that I want you to be in touch with me almost everyday so if you show your persistence, I might eventually get attached to you. I normally build a huge wall with a person I don't really know but once you managed to break the wall, I can really open to you.

That's why the easiest way to kill me slowly is by be close with me that I put you into the circle very close to my heart, and then one day start to be un-close to me and become distant. I get hurt day by day just by multiple failures of trying to hate you and get you out of the circle. And for the record I didn't even wanna hate you. I just force myself not to get attached to you anymore. Rest assured no one else can come close to this circle anymore. I will build a wall, make a bridge.


Oklah banyak mengarut dah. Lapar. Kbye



October 12, 2015

To QF it is

First of all, Ireland won over France. So that's a good thing to start the week. It was such a nervewrecking game. But we held on and eventually win it.


Much to the disappointment, Sexton was forced out of the game due to groin injury and he shed manly tears as he walked out the field. Twas such a heartbreaking moment to see him walk away like that. He is a brilliant player and has done tremendous job in the RWC. Another blow is when the Captain himself was down with hamstring injury. Setelah hatiku retak, ia berkecai when I saw him being transported out of the field. :'( Last player to walk out of the field was Peter O Mahony. Another big loss for Ireland. Sigh, it was such a painful game to watch.


Despite injuries over injuries, the team responded really well and marched on towards victory. Ian Henderson who replaced the captain was really a not too bad man himself. Madigan took over the kicking position got his job done quite well although I wish he plays as clever as Sexton does. Patience and efforts brought Ireland to 24-9 victory over France.


To QF this Sunday and we'll be playing against Argentina. May the luck be with the Irish side and speedy recovery to all the injured players..


Other than that...well, I think I am kinda effed up. I tried my best to open up but I failed miserably.

It's just so hard and so painful.  

October 10, 2015

October 09, 2015

Paranoid

I haven't been working out for a while. Since the haze started I think. Gym tak pegi. Bukit Puchong pun tak naik.

Thank God recently we started to play badminton. Because this is the only workout that I get currently, I wanted to use it as maximum as possible. Not really a good player, yet to grasp the concept of playing doubles but I tried to get the hang of it as best as I can Jack of all trades, master of none is what I'm going for I supposed.

Unfortunately with my weak knees, jumping isn't quite a thing that I can do as much as I'd like to. My knees..they have been good for a while. Last year I admit, they swell up a few times. I had to rely on knee guard to do my hikings. There were times where it'll be hard to climb up and down the stairs and my movements were quite limited.

Alhamdulillah since the past few months my knees have been cooperating well with my activities. I don't don knee guard as much as I did before.

BUT, I will be paranoid each time I do running/dancing/jumping. I can feel the knees are taking it too much, the friction. So each time I have a feeling it's gonna swell up, I will make sure I take precautions. Yesterday soon after I'm back home I took glucosamine pills. Had 2 hard boiled eggs coz I can't really think of any other easier protein source and drank a glass of milk with hope that the nutrients will fix my fucked up knees quick enough before they act up. Ran out of protein powder I think I need to buy one soon.

Hope the haze gets clear soon. I miss my Bukit Puchong weekly hike already. Mesti dah tak fit nak naik ni haishk

October 08, 2015

Tak tenang

Tak tenang pergi kerja harini.

This morning as usual, morning drive to work. But the windows and screen are all still foggy tapi memang selalu biar je lama-lama ok la. Keluar the main road kejar traffic light split second to red I went anyway because brek mengejut lagi teruk lepastu rasa macam tercium motor.

Dengan kabur-kabur lagi I don't know what happen to the motorcycle. Before my car kissed the ride he was all smiling with me while I raised my hand apologizing sebab dia pun belum hijau dah jalan. There was sound but not a loud one but because my screens are foggy I couldn't really see. Hope he's fine. Check waze takde pulak orang report accident ke apa. Lepastu check group Shah Alam Residents or Daily Traffic Report kot ada orang maki ke buat report kes langgar lari ke. Belum ada lagi.

I hope you are fine, whoever you are. May Allah bless you adeh bersalah gila iols ni.


Anywayy I think my salmon game was on point yesterday. Well you see, I normally bring my lunch from home. Too lazy to face the traffic during lunch time. So yesterday after locum I was thinking what's easy enough to be prepared when you are so sleepy. Thank God ada satu lagi frozen salmon so I grilled it as usual. Whipped up some simple nasi goreng and my usual lazy tomato dish.

But I think that's the best salmon so far. Crispy skin. Not over done. Tazabar nak makan lunch nanti. Tak makan lagi pun tau it's gonna be good. Kah. Perasan kau ni.



I miss going to the gym. Lama dah tak pergi ni since the 1 month try out period is over. Yet to register for membership padahal tengah jerebu-jerebu ni la patut pergi gym kan. Ssokay a lil bit more to go. Getting things sorted and then I will get my focus back on track.

October 06, 2015

What's wrong with you

I was so hungry this morning, so I had to go lenient a bit with my light breakfast experiment and had tuna french toast. Menyesal sikit because it is the kind of sandwich that has little tiny tuna filling in it and the rest is mayonnaise. Cis, terbazir kalori gua baik amik the chicken filling je it was much better.

Anywayys...it's only 915am and I'm already hungry. I took the breakfast at around 745. One and a half hour later I'm already hungry. What's wrong with you tummy? Bela hantu raya isssit? Trying my best to calm the hungry demon now. It's currently telling me to eat the lunch I packed. Lepastu lunch time suruh kuar lagi cari food. Stressnya.

Or could it be the hormones? I don't know really. Kalau dah gemok cemni kadang kau confused kau memang gemok semulajadi atau hormon yang tak stabil. Tapi biasanya kalau dah ada voices in the head segala it's more of a hormonal rush. There was one time I had A&W rootbeer 3 days in a row because of it. Eceyh takmau mengaku gemok semulajadi pula ni.

x

Other than that yesterday my ex primary schoolmate brought her 4 years old daughter to the clinic I worked with. After my so-called viral status she contacted me and voiced her concern..I told her to bring the daughter for a check up and she wanted to see me. So cut the story short I finally met her after....16 years of leaving primary school. It feels...surreal.and also I feel old. Kawan dah tahap ada anak gigi rosak pun kau masih stuck alone ni. Haha. ok sedih.

I slept early yesterday and this morning woke up to voice msg sent by Zara (my friend's daughter) saying "Thank you doctorr...I am better now" Awwww..cair hati mak nak pepagi dengar camtu. 

October 05, 2015

Reset

It was a gloomy past few days for me. It still is but I'm hoping for a reset soon.

To make things worse, Ireland displayed a pretty poor performance yesterday. I was biting my nail the whole 80+ minutes with occasional yelling and slamming the cushion like a cuckoo lady watching them playing Italy. It wasn't supposed to be that hard. The last time Italy beat us was around 2013. Since then we had a clean sheet against Italy so it shouldn't be that hard. But gotta admit the Italians were quite good yesterday. Having Sergio Parisse although not to the full time certainly injected some motivation boost to them.

Them boys need to buckle up and get their shit together before meeting the French next week. Quarter final already qualified and it's a matter of who we are playing against now. Finish 2nd in the group and we'll be facing the All Blacks so that's about it. Keeping my hopes high the luck will be at the Irish side and we'll take the group lead. Really hope Rob Kearney is fit to play again.


X

Other than that, hoping to find something that will fix my shitty mood. Dah lama sangat teringin nak karok ni. Yet to find someone to go with. Ingat nak huha dengan the girls this weekend pun turned out to be something I don't quite expect it to be....Takpelah apa boleh buat.


A reset. I need a reset. Hope things get better soon too.

P/S : Checked my so-called viral status and it had 46 shares. Lol. Greatest online achievement so far!

October 01, 2015

Tips-tips mengunjungi klinik gigi?

Close to 4pm yesterday, I attended to a patient who complained of pain over the left lower side of her mouth. During working, the time I am tired the most is around 11.30am and above and 3.30pm and above. Energy drained out. Pinggang dah start sakit. 

So upon examination I found out she has one tooth that needs to be filled. I proceeded to do so. Her mouth opening weren't too good. I know she could open wider when I asked her to do so but she kept on closing. So I had to say open your mouth wiiiiiide every 10 seconds. At one point during the procedure, it must have hurt a lit bit too more that she grabbed my hand while I was holding the handpiece (or famously known as the driller....) INSIDE her mouth. A slip of my hand could easily hurt her cheek. 

Fuh. Pet peeves people, my pet peeves when it comes to treating a patient. So please, please please don't grab our hand when we are operating, it puts YOU in danger not me. Hurting you accidentally is the last thing I would like to happen on that time of the day. 

That wasn't the first time. It happened a couple of times. So it inspired me to come out with the fb post to membebel sebab I dah penat petang tu and I don't have teman bebelan anymore, also with hope to educate my friends in FB. 

A while after I uploaded, my more famous fb friend shared my post so I think this is a good opportunity to educate more people so I made my post open to public. The post had almost 100likes so it's good to know people are reading. I logged on my facebook with a desktop this morning and was suprised to see the post was shared by 17 people, of which only 5 or so were in my friend list. Lain-lain semua friends of friends or even random people. 





Tak sangka bebelan kepenatanku turns out to be some sort of beneficial tips for others. Lol. I even had few messages in my inbox from my friends asking a few things about their oral health and all. Wah. Rugi I takde duit nak bukak klinik sendiri. Kalau tak dah boleh grab the opportunity dah. Keh.

So I thought I'd share with you people (if any) who came to my blog. Selalu post meroyan, sekali sekala belanja la benda berfaedah sikit innit?

Kbai

September 30, 2015

September 28, 2015

Overly excited fangirl

The haze is pretty bad these past few days. Classes have been cancelled so more patients for us I supposed. I slept pretty late last night stayed up watching Ireland played Romania. I knew Ireland would take the win but I miss seeing Tommy Bowe playing...so stay up it is. 


Bowe and Zebo both my favourite. Zebo is a Munstermen so I being a Cork alumni I am rooting for him. Lol. They both messed up pretty bad during the last test against England that made them lose the place for the World Cup.

I think Joe Schmidt lined up his second best players against Romanian because well, Irish player are apparently very famously known for injuries. We have another 2 bigger games ahead against France and Italy so we cannot afford to lose the star players I supposed. Can see the differences between the players coz the games were a bit sloppy yesterday. Reddan was a bit confused whereas Conor Murray would have played his role as playmaker more neatly I must say.

But this is..coming from a girl who doesn't really know the game rules and everything la. I enjoyed watching, know a bit here and there about the rules but I also watched for the eye candies la.

See here the ever good looking macho Mr Bowe. 2 tries not bad huh? Almost made it to 3!

Overall I think Irish team has the best looking player because I am super biased like that. To name a few HeartRob Kearney, Zebo, Bowe of course, Jared Payne...even Healy,  Heaslip and the ever fierce Mr O Connell looks good because they are the Irish lads. Aku rasa kalau Castrogiovanni play for Ireland pun I might say him a good looking too LOL. The Americans and Scottish aren't too bad themselves. Can't really say the same about the Uruguayans tho. HAHA. Kbai.


Last night after the game I was a bit pumped up because the adrenaline from Ireland winning kept me  wide awake. I had a good chat from someone from the past. It's been 15 years and we managed to find each other again. The wonders of social media huh? I was quite surprised he still recognized me even after all this while. We both had a good laugh on the random encounter but we both agreed, it's a wrong timing to see each other again. He's not settled down yet but a lil bit complicated la. Plus I don't think he fits me just like how it didn't work out years years ago. Not my cup of tea I'd rather drink ayaq kosong ja. Kah.

But gotta be extra careful dengan dia ni he's witty and funny and sometimes he pulls off a few ayat manis that could sweep you off your feet. When he first re-introduced himself pun I can hear Taytay singing I knew you were trouble when you walked innnnn~~~ Whatevs la lagipun I can't trust men with words anymore.

Pretty excited for the coming weeks may the odds be ever in the Irish team favour. 

September 25, 2015

Facebook Memories

Facebook has this thing where it shows you throwback of what went on in your page on that date, years years back. This thing has someway hurt me looking at how has things changed.

How friendship has become so distant.

I used to be thousands miles apart, hundress miles apart, but nothing feel so far to certain people who used to be so close to me like how I feel right now.

I so want to bring myself to text "Have you been so busy? When are we finally going to meet up and just...hangout" but I just can't. Hurts me to think the rejection or the plan cancellation that might come ahead. I'll just wait up for my invitation instead, if there will be any, that is.

We also haven't been in touch that frequently. Some texts might be exchanged once in a while, enough to know we are both alive, but not quite adequate to know what has been going on in our lives.

Well, at least they are happy now living their lives. That's good to know. Even I don't get to see them anymore, may Allah protect them, always.

Aidiladha di kota

I don't know why I decided not to take a leave today. Probably because we celebrated Aidiladha at Cik Wa's and since it's only like 15 mins away from home, I thought, oh well might as well work on Friday.


Ergh, now regretting my decision. I thought it would be free and easy. But not quite. Dalam kesenyapan PK ni I've seen 12 pts already. I thought it would be at most 5. Lol.


Since I broke my fast last Wednesday, I have been eating non-stop. NON STOP ok. This year we decided to do gathering at CikWa's. Lepastu bila Cik Cho hantar gambar Cik Aris tengah masak ungkep sorang-sorang terus sedih. Sorry Cik Aris!


That Wednesday night we had asam pedas, ayam semur with nasi beriyani and nasi impit for break-fast / dinner. After that we started prepping on things for tomorrow. I volunteered as Mak Tip's sous chef for daging beriyani and helped Cik Imah's rendang cili padi here and there. Started a bit late and only managed to get done with the daging beriyani at 1.45am. Because i didn't bring any clothes to change, I went back home that night.


The next morning we went to Cik Wa's again. Had daging beriyani, ayam rendang cilipadi with nasi beriyani and nasi impit for a start. Had talam cendol and kuih lompang as the sides. Petang sikit Cik Imah whipped up her mihun goreng tomyam which was bloody tasty. It was then continued with my lasagna which turned out pretty good considering my last one was quite sometime ago.


Around 6pm the BBQ started and we ate and ate non stop until the grand finale - ikan jenahak was served. Well it was worth the wait. Reached home around 11.30 that night and I had to work today.


zzzzzzzz


Pagi tadi pun akak-akak ni bawak lauk for those who had to work today. Mati la nak tak berhenti-henti ni makan. Tak muat nanti baju nak pakai next week >.<

September 20, 2015

Awaaaaa saia taaa kuaaad


Ran my 5th run this year. Last year I ran 6. This year target 7. Hopefully dapat la cecah target. Also I haven't ran any under 10km run yet to test my speed. Need to find one before the year ends I supposed.


Semalam I worked almost the whole day. 10am-9.30pm and in between ada break I went to settle some stuff. Pagi tu tak henti from 10-12, senyap sekejap 1220 sampai la pukul 3 tak henti-henti.
Pinggang dah nak patah tp Alhamdulillah. Rejeki disaat ku memerlukan. #sisbersyukur

Balik malam baru sedar I didn't prepare for the run at all. Protein nak abis. Susu tinggal sikit. Tido pun lambat sebab tengok rugby. I almost didn't run but because I walloped a whole set of burger special with onion ring and fries segala, I had to run kalau tak berdosa besar oi.

Woke up this morning, so groggy lepas subuh doa lebih I could finish the run because I am deadly tired. Singgah 7e beli neskepe, telan fat burner bawak toujours segala I need all the help I can to complete the run.

Alhamdulillah walaupun menangis di km ke 9 I managed to finish the run in less than 1.5 hours. Interestingly during the run 3x the same guy ran and stopped beside me while I was walking and made small chit chat. Tapi sayangnya kekakak time lari takleh cakap sangat sebab simpan energy so I ended up only nodding and smiling while he talks. If I met him again after the finishing line I will definitely talk to him bole tahan jugak abang tu tapi sebab abis lari memang tak larat sangat I went straight away to my car.


Annnyyyywaaaaayyy...

The Rugby World Cup has started. My favourite, favourite game. At some point in my life my ideal man is one who plays rugby/ used to play rugby. Tapi sebab umur 28 pun tak kahwin-kahwin lagi kekakak pasrah and can't be choosy can't I? Lol. Of course I'll be rooting for Ireland. Tempat jatuh lagikan dikenang, apatah lagi tempatku menimba ilmu. Acewwah. My 2nd favourite will be Japan, 3rd only All Blacks. Dulu iols pakai pencilbox All Blacks tau pergi sekolah. #coolsangat


Why rugby tho? Well, all sports excite me but this one got me the most because I think it's a game played by gentlemen. They play rough, they bleed here and there but they still get the game going. Bola sepak tersadung kaki pun nak nangis guling-guling. And they are played by well-built player. I loike.


Well it's gonna be interesting 6 weeks to see who reign as the champion. Almost all Ireland's game will be on Sunday at 11.45pm mati la nak lambat la nak tidur esok pergi kerja. Oh well, few days only can't really hurt you right?

September 18, 2015

Making some changes

After around 2 weeks of not having any breakfast but yoghurt drink, I finally broke the so-called rules eating scrambled eggs and a slice of bread. I get hungry more if I take my breakfast so I am just doing some experiment to see how my body reacts.


Was quite worried after the badminton session yesterday I started to ache here and there and I have a run this Sunday. Not a good timing for injury so I made sure I consume a lot of protein for muscle repair and whatnot. Let's hope everything goes okay dah lah it's been 2 months since my last run. Mau kang menangis seret kaki ke garisan penamat ni..


Today I tried to make some changes with the way I treat my patients. Sebab depa ni comes from different set of people with patients I used to treat for the first 2 years of my working life, I have to grab this chance to educate too. Back then I work like a robot, emotionless and repetitious. Patient comes in, patients request, I do. Ulang banyak kali, ulang hari-hari. Now that the patient load has slightly decreased, I should try to educate them more. Get them understand what am I doing.


However, patients' load is a bit heavy this morning, compared to other days. By 12pm I have seen 34 patients, and that's quite tiring. Selalu sehari pun tak sampai 34 orang. Tried to educate as much as I could but at one point I am just too tired already. Nak cakap pun dah tak larat. Takpelah, next time I'll do better.

Nad no sleep is no good

You know what's one of my pet peeves during texting?

No closure. Like tetiba tergantung. I understand when it comes to sleeping time people might fell asleep. But sometimes in the middle of the day texts went unreplied with no closure really drives me mad. Aku try nak balas buat balik dekat orang but I just can't. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.

Oh well, that is just my problem I guess.

Having trouble sleeping actually. Took nescafe pre badminton session for some energy and now kinda regretting it. Nad no sleep is nad overthinking things. Lepastu bengang sendiri. Lol.

I had a dilemma as to what should I do post night workout session. Need to consume something to replenish my energy tapi it's already too late. Tapi post workout is the best time to eat something because that's when your metabolism is at top. I endedup taking half a spoon of protein with skim milk. Sedihnya disaat kegawatan ekonomi ni protein nak abis dah. Need to spare some for this Sunday that's why I took only half a spoon.

Thirty four days to get over this crunch time. Pray hard things go well.

September 17, 2015

Baby steps

September 14, 2015

Emo no mo

Shark week has started. So that explains the steady increase in anger and one heck of a turbulence in the emotional ride. The random outburst listening to songs, after some misunderstanding with the guard, and  after looking at random pictures. The very intense feeling of sakit hati to things that has somewhat normally occured. Tapi zeries bengang betul la dengan guard bergigi rompong tu beria-ia suruh beli sticker parking when I told him I don't need it I'm not gonna stay in the apartment. Mood ruined abis by guard gigi rompong that day cis bedebah.


Well, I should have expected it coming. But still can't control the mood swings. Ku hanya perempuan lemah. Lols.


Makanan sugul bulan ini ialah charkueyteow from this one restaurant in sek19. It was really, really good. Sugul punya pasal iols belasah udang galah/sotong/kerang sekali. Tapi kena assobru la waiting time close to 1 hour sebab they are very very understaffed. 1 cook. 1 buat air. 1 cashier cum tukang angkat pinggan. 1 multipurpose kakak who did every bit of this and that. But it was all worth it.


X


Anyway Sept/Oct is such a critical time. Crunch time. I'd like to just pass out temporarily and wake up in November but I know it won't happen. Atau mungkin by the time aku sedar mungkin dah tertimbus dalam tanah 6 kaki dalam. I hope I can manage everything well. Doa kuat may He eases my way.

September 13, 2015

It doesn't matter

I think it doesn't matter

Whether I reply or not. Whether I text or not. Whether I keep in touch or not.

Because I don't matter to 'em like how they matter to me. Hangpa won't feel sad when not hearing for me even for just few days. Hangpa doesn't really care what's going on even if we used to know about almost everything we do. Hangpa doesn't feel I am someone to share your concern or your worries.

In short, it doesn't matter. Because hangpa lived well, lives well and will live well without my presence. They are happy so I gotta deal with my own problems. I am sad? I am mad? Deal with it yourself.

September 09, 2015

Comforting With A Lie

Cermin gym yang buat saya perasan nampak kurus sikit.


Itulah manusia, they liked to be comforted with lies, only to be hurt by the truth later.

Hakikatnya masih gemok :(

September 07, 2015

Be happy -

Hello Monday, another day, another new week.

My mood has been awfully unstable these few days. Sejajar dengan ketidakstabilan mood ini, it also has been awfully quiet. Silence. And I began to think that things are really approaching the other end now. Maybe the wavelength has differed now, maybe there are no more things to be talked about, maybe the other side is in so much happiness that it need not to get to touch over this side anymore. Maybe just maybe.

Well, whatever it is, be happy now. Whatever you do, wherever you are, just - be happy.


Other than that there are still things that I wanna do but haven't managed to do so. I miss going to karaoke. I so badly wanted to go for massage. Massage I can go alone. Karaoke? Well, that would be too pathetic to go alone. Ada jugak la aku ajak tapi nampaknya nama aku masih belum naik dalam prioriti senarai untuk keluar hangout bersama lagi so I've just got to wait la I guess.

Kah. Bitter benar nampaknya. Well, be happy everyone. Be happy. You need not come over to this side anymore you just be happy with your lives.


On another note, I went to the house to try to clean it, again. The water supply is back so I thought I could do more. The day before I worked for the whole day so I was quite beaten up. I thought I could force myself for a second round cleaning but unfortunately I can't. Maybe sebab takde mood or tak makan nasi lemak royale kot. Lol. Only managed to clean the cockroach-infested refrigerator and that's quite it.

Lain-lain ada la mop the whole house but I don't think it's sufficient. The house needs some good sental-an. Mopping alone is not enough. I will save that after the termites problem is under control. Informed the securities the house is up for rent but I will put up an advertisement later when it's more ready.

Sebenarnya if I were more enthusiastic to clean the house boleh je fokus satu-satu ruang and get a thorough cleaning done tapi semalam serius takde mood. Balik, makan, too tired that I slept that evening. I rarely sleep especially after asar tapi semalam I just can't go on anymore.. Lepastu malam sambung kemas bilik sendiri pulak and again, tak larat nak abiskan.


Hoping this week goes well. Bahaya ni kalau layan mood cenggini berterusan :P

September 04, 2015

.....


September 03, 2015

SAKIT!

Recently my hands are quite fragile. It started with an episode of difficult extraction which kinda screwed up BOTH of my hands and it hasn't really heal ever since. As one whose works really rely on the hands, this got me really, really annoyed. 

I started to go easy on extraction. Eased up my appointments and made sure there are only 1-2 cases each day just to recuperate. It got better slightly but I made a big mistake carrying the rubbish up and down last Monday and it started to ache again. Apa bole buat takde orang tolong haritu kah. Til now, even doing other things tire my hands easily..

However I can't be choosy with whom or what kind of treatment I would like to do. It's not nice to let patients wait for long just because you simply don't wanna do it. I tried just now because I just extracted one before so I wanted to rest a bit but the patient ended up waiting for so long I just don't have the heart to make him wait any longer.  Bunyi macam I run the clinic alone but no, and I just don't know why...........

I really need my massage fix. My knees are starting to acting up again because I overdid in my RnB class last Tuesday. Tapi few days ni macam-macam betul cabaran mendatang semoga ade la benda yang baik datang menjelma later..


August 31, 2015

The first round - ting ting ting!

Finally got my ass around cleaning the house - for the first round. Looking at the condition of the house I think it needs at least 3 times of cleaning. Macam minyak seri murni, proses penyulingan 3 peringkat ke ape tah. Macam tu lah. 


Before cleaning the house, I forced myself to eat a plateful of nasik with lauks sampai rasa nak termuntah so I could force myself to do as maximum cleaning as I can for the first round. Makan dah banyak burn pun kena la banyak kan. Lol.


First thing that I got rid of is somewhat you can call rubbish from the owner and the previous tenants. The owner used to be a DJ so he's got 2 full boxes of CDs which he doesn't want anymore. I knew about the CD before and I was hoping I could get someone to help me to bring it out of the house. Didn't want to get rejected straight away so aku guna skill tabligh "do you have 10 minutes to spare" and it was replied with "I've got to be somewhere else after this" lol. #siskecewa #sissedih. 

The CDs collection. Kalau jual kat Mudah ade ke orang nak ni? Banyak lagu Melayu, Indo, dangdut etc

Terus rasa macam marah kecik hati semua lah segala that I talked to myself fine! I'll do everything myself. Mentang-mentang la aku hanya aku macam biasa la merapu fikir macam-macam sendiri sambil marah-marah dalam hati. Haha padahal maybe the other person dah tazabar nak pulang rindu arnab ke kucing ke dah ada orang ternanti-nanti ke. But the disappointment was a good thing terus semangat aku nak kemas rumah. So I gotta thank 'em for the drive! Tapi I attempted to lift one of the box myself and my waist literally cracked after the attempt. Terus tak jadi letak tepi je :( 


After around 3 trips of up and down throwing the rubbish I finally got rid of most of the thing I wanted to get rid of. Ada tinggal a few lagi yang sememangnya tak larat nak angkat sendiri... Geram je tengok ada barang-barang picisan yang terbiar lagi ubat gigi lah shaver lah shampoo yang dah kosong la dalam the toilets and ada biskut ok dalam fridge!! Haha I was cursing in my heart. Kalau aku jadi owner memang tak pulangkan balik deposit rumah kat budak-budak ni. Kahkah. As I write right now my hands and waist are very, very sore from lifting heavy stuff up and down the 4 floors. Like very very. Esok kompem kena buat kerja dengan bantuan painkiller. 


Lepastu baru kemas to the termites'-attacked spaces. Did what I could do. At one part macam ada kayu random yang of course la mengundang anai-anai. It's not supposed to be there pun I thought to myself apakah budak-budak ini membela anai-anai? Like bagi kayu tu to feed the anai-anai ke apa? I knew I need to call pest control but at least berjaya legakan la sikit hati bila dah sapu pasir-pasir habuk tu semua, although not all tapi I tried my best. Kayu tu buang laju-laju sakit jantung kejap tengok anai-anai macam lari bertempiaran. Next time I need to remind myself to bring mask and gloves for cleaning. 


Next thing I moved on to the balcony. For some reason, the balcony was flooded with water and mold and yucky thing. Major speedbump to my cleaning is, the water supply has been locked by the maintenance and I have to wait before the previous owner settle the bill and whatnots. Ada sikit je air dalam tank yang I have to spare for wudhu' and cleaning my hands so I've got to work creatively. 


I had to sodok the yucky water that filled in the balcony, sodok punya sodok dapat la sebaldi T____T Lepas dah kurang sikit air tu baru I found out the hole that was supposed to drain the water was clogged. Unclogged the hole baru la ok sikit but I still need to clean the mold and whatnot. Nasib la rumah ni banyak mop so I just used the mop and threw it away after using it. Memang tak kuasa nak cuci dah lah takde air. Did my best and proud of it. Takde air pun berjaya I bersihkan. Geram je tengok kulat-kulat kat dinding kalau ada air memang dah sental abis dah tadi pun dapat sental mana yang dan je. 

After and before. Terbalik plak susun. See the before? Nak nangis rasanya mula-mula tengok. Dengan ada kayu lah kotak lah, kulat and sesampah banyak gila. #sisstress

Lastly I separated what to be got rid of next, with people's help and what to stay. Kalau ada air I would have clean off the floor and wiped the cabinets. Pull the sofa off the wall so it wouldn't be infested by the termites. Swept off the whole house up and down although I know it's a bit pointless sebab nanti mesti habuk balik but at least hati aku tenang. 

/ - The final look of the house before I leave
No's are the before picture of the house. Haishk, full of NOPEs!

Worked until around 7 sebab macam dah takut sikit duduk rumah tu sorang-sorang. I changed into my gym attire to clean the house and couldn't be bothered to change back. Maka pulanglah dengan baju dan muka busuk itu. 


Next up is pest control, dan pestering the previous owner to settle the maintenance bills so I could get some part of the house fixed. Lepastu buang barang berat tu, cuci the whole house baru up the ads for rent. While waiting for new tenant nanti baru nak fikir lain what I can do to make the house better. Wah kau beria dah plan!




August 29, 2015

I need my break :(

Today I am thankful that I managed to be present at my bestfriend's reception. Siap kena jadi pengapit lagi that was really my first time, and I was nervous as heck. Pengantin relax je I neves lebih. I hate doing job that puts me on the spotlight, walaupun not the main spot tapi still kena tempias light-light la kan?


Anyway job done :)


Although, how I wish I'm in the middle of the island, chillaxing. Or in the middle of the nature enjoying the fresh air. Badly needs an escapade to reformat my mind and body. I had the bookings done and arranged but I had them undone too. Takkan la nak miss the reception, especially when most of the girls can't make it.


Ssokay. Maybe I should pay a visit to my favourite thai massage place for a quick fix. Alone. Kesian. Kah. I am kinda screwed up I just went to spa 2 days ago but I did not enjoy the massage at all. I am missing the touches of the Thais masseuse :(


I, I am just at a state of utter confusion. I just hope the days will get better someday. Someday, somehow.

August 27, 2015

Denial

First of all, this - 


is my happiness today. Unfortunately this is the only positive thing I can dig in for today.

So yeah this is my source of happiness that came all over from the other side of the world. Even though I think I took one size larger but I'm still a happy camper.


My mind still wonders around the house. The termites problem is getting quite big and I'm so itchy to get rid of it but I need to clear up the house first. Aih perangai tak sabar mula berleluasa biasa dia ni! I will do the cleaning slowly, one by one. Sebab bajet pun tak berapa nak ada apa-apa yang reti buat sendiri, I will do it. If only I know how to repair the toilet flush and sink.....


I'm sorry, whoever is reading this post (kalau ade lah), at this point you can just shut it off because this is the point where I start rambling..














Next thing I need to get over the denial stage and be in the acceptance mode already.  There are few issues that I have in my chest that I would like to let it out straight to the person but I need to hold back, turn around and walk away. Selama ni ada yang tak puas hati mesti eventually akan terluah jugak but this time around, I need to just fuck it off. But aku tau perangai aku ni selagi terbuku didada I will keep bringing it up, on and on again in the blog.

I think despite all the ketakpuashatian and whatnot, I am actually missing the good ol times. It's like taking out something that has been a part of me for the past years and I feel empty, and rindu. But rindu is not a good thing to feel so I am forcing it to become hatred. Unfortunately I did not manage to do it.

From the best of buddy to somebody I used to know? I don't know. Only time will tell.