December 31, 2014

Wrapping up 2014

2014 is a year full of turbulence. Sometimes it shoots you up sometimes it kicks you down right at your arse.

2014 banyak kita dapat peringatan dari Yang Maha Kuasa. Terlalu banyak. Semoga kita menginsafi setiap apa yang didatangkan pada kita.

I am grateful I get to travel at least once, to Krabi last April. It was a short and sweet escape despite losing my phone at the end of the trip T__T

I am grateful I get to run a few KMs fulfilling some of my wishes despite worsening my old knee injury and now there is some problem with the insurance I hope I can proceed with my surgery still >.<

I am grateful that I finally get to be back at my hometown. A road less traveled but I am going to find my way insyaAllah.

I am grateful that He gave me a company to bring me around here and there despite having a few brawls, I treasure the ups and will always muhasabah on the downs. Although, well, not for long now.

Nampak tak setiap ada ups, there's gonna be downs. Aku dah takde azam untuk 2015 aku just harap bila saat aku perlukan kekuatan, Dia akan pinjamkan. Bila saat aku ketakutan, Dia hadirkan keberanian. Pada saat aku keseorangan dan rasa kesunyian, well, Dia hilangkan rasa tu.

Still keeping the faith strong. Everything does not last. The good ones and the bad ones.

Welcome 2015. So dreadful to face you especially middle of next year but hey, I am gonna try to stay strong.

This too shall pass.

December 30, 2014

The background

Preparing to finally losing someone so close to me this coming 2015.

I did not realize how come you become so dominant in my life but it just happens but it is ending anyway.

Throughout this years, I have always been the background, never the center. And being the background, it is very easy to be shut off from some people's life.

Here I am again, again and again, making my way out. Bringing myself to live life again.

Perempuan hodoh pelengkap dunia. Kembali bersedia menjadi latar belakang kepada yang memerlukan. Moga satu hari nanti Tuhan hantar pelengkap kepada pelengkap dunia ini.

All the things that we accept, be the things that we regret :(

December 21, 2014

Selamanya Harimau Malaya....OI!


Went to SNBJ to witness our very own football team playing against our neighbour up north. The last time I went to Stadium was TWO years ago. I really enjoyed going to stadium because the atmosphere is very lively and you get to scream your lungs out without being judged. Kinda stress relief escape for me. In 2012 I went for the semis against our neighbour down south. Right after the game finished I took a bus to go back to JB at 12am, reached JB around 4am, slept for about 2 hours and went to work the next morning. That's how crazy I am...

Lovely lively atmosophere! Especially hearing the never-stopping chants from our very own Ultras Malaya! Uttermost respect to them who kept the 90 something minutes game alive and even before and after the game.

It felt very different going to Stadium this time around. Went with different company. I used to go to stadium with someone else...not anymore now. But all was good. I was safe. My company ensured me safe. And that's all that matters ain't it?

We arrived SNBJ area around 530. Parked at the roadside somewhere before the BJ's traffic light. It rained a bit when we first came, bought an RM2.50 poncho which ended up being my alas solat. Lol. We found a spot with quite a good view. In front of our row was another row of our SMSS Junior. Sebesar-besar stadium boleh pulak jumpa dekat situ. Selamat kitorang half time takyah keluar beli air leh suruh junior je. LOL. I brought telekung with me and it got me through the safety police pretty easy ;) I had my Wudhu' before pushing off for SNBJ but lost it along the way despite me trying hard not to touch any men. Luckily there was plenty of toilets in the stadium..had my prayers done at some areas behind the stairs. Pretty happy with myself for that :)

The game. The chants. The goals. The fact that I got to scream and jump until I nearly lost my voice. It was all worth the fatigue  and hassle. Even though we did not get to win the trophy at our own stadium, the players fought well. Of course there are mistakes done here and there but they started the AFF Suzuki Game campaign with a very rough start and to reach the final - that was an achievement praiseworthy. But Safee...boy it's time for you to find your ways back into that position. It's either his era has ended or he just losing his grip..
Salam persahabatan dari kami. "Penonton makan kuaci" as labeled by the Ultras Malaya clan. 

December 17, 2014

December 11, 2014

Malam ini

Malam ini aku baring atas katil dan cuba bayangkan what will happen next year -

I imagined you in suits and her in whatever dresses on your wedding day. Time nikah maybe kau pakai baju melayu tp for some reason tatau kenapa bayangkan in one of your receptions maybe kau pakai like a tuxedo or ya know..not-so-traditional suits. Lepastu gambar merata-rata diupload kat facebook, macam biasa bila ada wedding.

Masa tu mungkin aku kat Venice. Atau tengah dekat Cork on the way nak ke London. Atau dalam keretapi nak ke France. Anywhere but in front of you.

Time tengah imagine ni dada makin berat dan sesak. Ok. Training dah untuk what may come next year. Invitations. Engagement. Wedding. Tau dah macamni rasa dia. Lantas aku masuk bilik air, gosok gigi, wudhu' dan Isya'.

Tau dah skill dia. For everytime I hope for one thing, I will kill it immediately with my imaginary wedding pictures. In my mind, time tu kau masih gemok dan tak sempat kurus seperti yang kau impikan, maaf.


December 07, 2014


Kumpul duit.

Kumpul cuti.

Kumpul kuat dalam diri.

Kita lari. Jauh.


Bila dah keluar dari mulut orang tu sendiri...


Hang in there dear self. You got this ok. You got this ok??

December 04, 2014

Hello December

Hey, I have been waiting for you since forever.

Can you please be nice to me? ;)