January 03, 2019

Moving On


You can say I'm quite a loyal person to my things. I get attached a little too much that I still have momentos from primary school to high school to uni years with me. 

However I think this year moving on should be my theme. Those stuffs have been collecting dusts one day I must find courage to toss away whatever that's not needed.

This new year I bid goodbye to my loyal financial tracker. It has been with me since the day I started working in Pontian. I tracked all my money in and out everymonth. This little book has all my travelling expenses details and all and it has survived air tertumpah, hujan dan panas and finally pieces of the paper started to be separated.

Initially I planned to transfer all the old details into my new little book because sometimes I do look at old expenses for reference. But then I realized, this is it, it's time to move on. I can still flick through the old little book should I need any reference but I don't need to bring the old details into thw new little book.

So goodbye old little book. You served me well. Thanks for all the memories.

Here's to the year of moving on and starting anew 😌

December 31, 2018

2018 : Recap

Just came back from meeting old friends from the university. It was a short and sweet escape but I came back with a huge relief and a clearer mind. For once, bila lepak we only talk about kids and spouses a time or two. Not that much. Not like the usual ones I had to listen I mean it's not their fault if aku ada what they have I might be talking about that not stop too. 

What a breathe of fresh air. Something that I really need after feeling suffocated and very left behind. We talked more about not knowing where to go ahead with the career. Talked about it's okay to be where we are now, to take things as it is. No pressure. We are all on the way to be somebody.

To recap 2018 ;

Did I travel a lot? Not quite. Just Krabi. And occasionally few trips here and there in Malaysia. Still recovering from purchasing Suria and the NZ trip last year.

Did I progress far in my career? Nope. Same ol same ol job. Given a new task, but managed to dodge it. Not this year though, I think I still have to carry the task and I need to carry it well. But at least this year I have a few eye-opening moments. A brief idea on what I could do next. Do I see myself in the same place for the next 20 years? 

Did I join enough runs this year? Not quite. I did 2HMs, a few 10kms and a trail run. But I did try caving this year which was fun. 

I bought Suria last year but this year was all about making it a proper place. I did it all by myself. Little by little I add a few things here and there. Been working like a dog this year to complete  the place. 

Made a decision to take up a loan for something. Something that I am against for before, but reconsidered it after doing some research. Hope all goes well with this.

I gained weight this year. Which is something i'm very unhappy about. And I need to do something about it. Soon.

To hope for 2019;

I want to travel. Abroad. Dalam Malaysia pun nak. I spent on Suria and skincare last year this year I need to go easy on both so I could save up for travelling.  

I need to do something with my career. Something about my weight. Something about my legs. Need to get all these back on track. 
Also, next year, start giving less fuck to everything that make you unhappy. Kalau ada certain trigger that makes you annoyed avoid it at all cost or don't dwell too much on what went on. Don't force things. Relax je. Things will happen if it meant to be. 

Here's to better life better health better everything. More about self love and the people that matters. Adios 2018.

November 26, 2018

Dear Nad,

Sementara masih semangat, let's jolt down this things I need to tell myself as a reminder.

Jangan tulis blog something personal? Persetankan la other people with their judgement. I write down mostly as MY memories. I don't do diaries. They get lost sometimes. I write this down FOR MY OWN memories and if you feel offended or triggered somehow, get yourself out here.

Okay so here goes;

Dear Nad, 

Let's gear up for something in this next few years. Make this your best training ground ever. Learn everything. Do everything. Level up your skill. Improve your communication skill. Build your rapport. Control your level of ease to be annoyed. Master the art of giving less fuck to petty things. 

There are some things that you longed for that Allah might or might not give. Make peace with that. If you happen to be alone forever, make peace with that. If sometimes loneliness creep in, do your best to kick that feelings out. Keep on praying. Never give up in your prayer, but whatever comes out, make peace with that.

Let's lay out plans. Let's achieve something for the greater good. Study. Do your research. Make a list, and study. 

Also please, lose some weight, please. You don't look good in pictures. Too bulat. Let's improve our image. Be the best version of you. 

October 08, 2018

Berhenti Berharap?

Is this the point where I go that's it, no more?

Honestly I don't.

If it is, semoga Tuhan berikan kekuatan. 

September 22, 2018

Ada Orang Lagi Ke?

Knock knock. Just wondering if there are any people still reading my blog. I mean..people don't really write things in blog anymore these days of instagram and facebook and twitter and other socmeds don't they? 

Unless, when there are things can't really be expressed through other mediums. Something lengthier. Something that comes from heart. Something that look like a ramble that you need to let it off but would like a smaller audience. Something more...personal. I know there are diaries but who does that anymore?

At least for me, blog is medium where I vent off my frustrations, talk out about my insecurities. My self-esteem is very low. There are things I don't prefer to discuss with other people. So I discussed with myself here. Whatever I put out here is in no mean to show-off. It's just for me to look through my life, what I have achieved and to reassure myself that I'm doing okay. Keep going, keep swimming.

I have been writing for more than 10 years. The frequency has reduced, but I still write every now and then whenever I am not happy or when I need to let go. My writings reflect what i felt DURING THE TIME THE POST WAS MADE and might not be relevant during any other time. Like how I think I was so into somebody before? Now no more, not a single cent. So yeah we all have our phase right?

Whatever it is, I think when you read others blog, you shouldn't take it personally even it is about you. No need to make it a big deal. Especially when no names are thrown. Especially blog with small audience like mine. Maybe take it as a reflection of whatever people think of you no matter whether YOU think it's true or not.