March 08, 2014

Have you?

Have you hated me enough now?

I am sorry. I really had to do it.

I had to.


March 02, 2014


Tenangnya mendamaikan. Damainya menenangkan.

To be able to not linger on things..

Subhanallah Allahuakbar.

For He knows what is the best for me.

I shall be patient. In Sya Allah. My time will come ;)

February 23, 2014

A realization

Tentang hidup.

Life offers you loads of choices. And when you are stuck at a wrong end, it sends you all the signals for you to run.

For you to leave, let go, and move on you would need strength, determination, and hell lot of support. I got none, but I really need to start get going.

Before I fall come crashing down really hard.

Letting go

Putting out my bad behaviours so he will hate me and leave. Because I cannot afford to leave him so I had to make him go.

February 09, 2014


Testing. Check check rock rock.

January 06, 2014


Just another rambling. I don't know who to share this with because I normally share my problem with her but it seems that her is my "problem" now..

I miss outings with her. A long one. Whether to shop. Whether to redbox. Or any random escape that we could just plan and go. This past few months the outings have been very brief. It's either she needs to be somewhere else..or she needs to bring someone else. And it has always been me who initiate the outing.

I understand things are different now. She has her own priorities. Or maybe she is just tired of me.

And I became mad at her because I feel abandoned. If time was a problem I swear I have seen her spending time with some other people too.

But now instead of mad, I am just sad. I miss you so much. I miss talking to you so bad.

If and only if you know..

January 01, 2014

Hello, it has been a while

It has been ages since I last blogged properly. The non-emo one. So here goes a run through of where I was and where I am now.

Completed my First Year Dental Officer training. The past 6 months were joy ride for me. Met new friends. I must say I enjoyed working in the hospital very much and looking forward for opportunity to work in hospital, given the time and place are suitable. I love the intensity of working in a hospital. Life in normal district clinic kinda bores me out. I was happy and began to enjoy my life in JB....

Not for long until I was relocated to Pontian. A place so alien for me and does not suit my soul at all. But what can I do? "Hanya mengikut arahan" as what stated. And being a non-preferable race in JB and having no cable I have to succumb to the order and move.

A small town. A new place. Worsen by the change of weekend to Friday and Saturday instead of Saturday and Sunday. That, again has sent me to the great depression part two. Took me months to enjoy working in JB. Once my feet set off at a right place, I was kicked out again. Really begin to question my direction of life now..

So where I am now? Trying to make the best out of this place. Trying to look at the positive side as best as I could. In the process, my weight has slowly regain thanks to binge eating everytime I feel sad. I am so worried at the direction I am going right now....

Money has also been my new motivation now. I figured out money is my best bet to bring me to happy places and help me out with the depression. I am working hard to earn more and may He eases my way to it..

I am also dreading 2014 for what may come. I have lost a few things and people I love in 2013. Some to death and some to...differences. In 2014..I may be losing more but I really hope I would gain more to balance things out. There are things that I really hope would stay the same..but I know it wouldn't this year. So I am arranging an escape project, saving up some money so I can runaway when I need to avoid a few things.

So here's to 2014. Same ol same ol cliche..

I want to be present for those who matters the most to me
I want to be a better person
I want to earn more
I want to lose weight and take care of my health properly
I want to be happier

Putting my trust in Him for He knows what the best for me.

Bring it on, 2014

December 31, 2013


Sekadar penumpang kasih

And one day I am gonna wake up from this so-called sweet dream feeling all sad mad and scared just like having a nightmare.

And that one day is pretty soon enough.

I am scared. I am so so scared.

December 11, 2013


Cantik, memang cantik.

Indah, terlalu indah.

Akan tibakah masaku nanti.


September 29, 2013

Pohon kekuatan

All I can ever be to you is a darkness that we know
And this regret I got accustomed to
Once it was so right when we were at our high
Waiting for you in the hotel at night

I knew I hadn't met my match but every moment we could snatch
I dont know why I got so attached
Its my responsibility and you dont owe nothing to me
But to walk away, I have no capacity

He walks away, the sun goes down
He takes the day but Im gone
And in your way in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

I dont understand, why do I stress the man
When theres so many better things at hand
We could a never had it all, we had to hit a wall
So this is inevitable withdrawal
Even if I stop wanting you, a perspective pushes through
Ill be some next mans other woman soon

I cannot play myself again, I should just be my own best friend
Not **** myself in the head with stupid men

He walks away, the sun goes down
He takes the day but Im gone
And in your way in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

So we are history, your shadow covers me
The sky above, a blaze

He walks away, the sun goes down
He takes the day but Im gone
And in your way in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

I wish I could sing no regrets and no emotional debts
'Cause as we kiss goodbye the sun sets
So we are history, the shadow covers me
The sky above, a blaze that only lovers see