December 08, 2016

Doa Yang Susah

Pernah ada doa yang susah?

Like you have a wish that is almost impossible to be granted, but you keep on wishing anyway. So day by day you pray and pray that one day He'll listen.

Doa yang susah juga serve as a reminder to you. Like how I wanted to delay my Zuhur prayer just now and I somehow realized - suruhan yang simple ni pun kau take it for granted lagi kau berharap Dia kabulkan permintaan kau yang bukan-bukan?

Doa yang susah juga mengajar kau kebergantungan total pada Tuhan kerana Dia punya sebaik-baik perancangan.

Semoga suatu hari, ditunjukkan jalan. Doa yang susah ini diberi kesenangan, hati yang gundah ini diberi keriangan. Still trusting your plan, Ya Rabb.

October 29, 2016

A Day With Myself

There are few things that I HATE doing by myself, to name a few :

- eating alone
- going to workshops, because I don't know much about car and I'm always skeptical to these workshop
- driving to KL
- shopping for certain stuffs like handbag, watches, specs, phone. I am quite picky that's why I would stick to one until it became weary

Today I'm not working and don't have any plans yet so I decided today is the day that I would defy my own gravity and do stuffs I hate doing by myself - alone.

Went to a workshop recommended by Kak Diah's dad and luckily I got a pakcik who understand my cluelessness about car. Signs and symptoms I could provide to him are only "dia bunyi ngeng ngeng ngeng time mcm ni, bunyi terkincit time start, bunyi pelik2 bila bawak sekian2". Pakcik was so nice he drove with me and explained possible diagnoses to me. I'll have to send my car during Monday tho since it will take one whole day to diagnose and fix the problem.

That's one thing done.

Suddenly I felt like going for a massage because it has been a while since my last session. My knees are acting up so I thought, why not. Turn on waze and it will only take me 25 mins to reach my favourite massage place so off I went. Reached KL, parked where I always parked.

Since I've driven all the way to KL I thought why not I dropby Sg Wang plaza because my 3 years old watch MIA currently and my other watch is not so comfortable for daily wear because it is quite heavy. I walked from the parking area to Sg Wang plaza and suddenly I felt heavy inside. This is my first time doing this alone. I've always someone to accompany me. At times my girlfriends, most of other times someone else. Tak tipu I felt this one kind of sadness inside.

Strolled around the shopping complex. Was having difficulty to find a decent watch that suit my liking and doesn't empty my pocket. Took me a while but I finally settled for this cheap and basic casio watch. Tak cantek tapi lantakla. Had my quick lunch at KFC, and went for my massage.

Later today I went for myburgerlab fix after weeks of craving. Got Bella to accompany me and did some catching up before I finally went back home..

So today I did almost all the things I hate doing alone. I don't have any other options but to train myself. I won't have everybody that I have forever, in fact most of them are not quite present in my life anymore so I have to stand on my own feet. So this post is an advice I would like to give to myself - suit yourself. Adapt to this loneliness.

I need to work for my own. Entah ada entah tak orang yang nak jaga hidup bersama sampai ke tua jadi kena simpan duit untuk diri sendiri. Kalau ada duit at least boleh masuk rumah orang tua yang berbayar kan? Ada kan rumah orang tua berbayar?

October 21, 2016

Something to be cherished

It was such happy days. Something to add to our memory. I was so delighted I want to pen it down here so I will remember it but I should't, really. Must keep the close-book policy closely. I want to share it to my confidante, to my people, but no..I shouldn't really. So I'm trying my best to contain the memory to myself.

Finally got my belated birthday gift. Thank you for the memories :)

October 13, 2016


I've been meaning to write since forever. Drafted an entry, then let it go stale. Drafted another one, lost my words. So I'll try to make sure this one get posted.

I used to write religiously here but lately I feel like not doing so anymore. For some reason, I'm trying to reduce my openness and for someone like me, that's not an easy thing to do. I used to share almost everything with my people. Somehow I feel like not all would be okay with my choice, and when they started to judge me, I feel frustrated, and I start to distance myself. Rather than burning the bridges with my people, I opt to keep everything to myself. Senang. Not quite sure how long I can do this alone, but I will try my best.

Other than that, I'm beginning to question my life direction. It's really not heading anywhere currently. May one day I found an answer. Soon, hopefully.

September 22, 2016

Tak Sabar Nak Habis

I am so tired, mostly mentally..these days. We are finally presenting next week and currently doing our last minute preparations. Each time we present to the superiors there would be amendments to be done. So end up it looks like a never ending job..or kerja tak siap..depending on who and how you see it.

At certain point I do feel like flippin the table and say that's it I don't want to do this anymore. Tapi of course tu dalam mimpi je lah. At times I hear demotivating remarks that adds salt to the wound. So heartbreaking okay. Dari awal dapat benda ni pun den dah rasa tak best nak buat..pastu tambah lagi dengar benda-benda tak best. Trust me....given the choice I would rather focus on my kerja hakiki rather than doing this.

May God give me strength to keep on doing this and especially to keep my ears, eyes and mouth shut to the surroundings. Moga Tuhan bersama orang yang sabar.