June 10, 2019

A weird.....MISSION?

At one point of my life where I seem to be left behind my other friends, I actually have a wish to resign from their life. Like, withdraw, cut connection, and go on silent mode. In fact, I have started to do to a few. And honestly, it didn't affect our lives that much tho - cause you learn to adapt.

There are a few exceptions that i’ll have to make tho. Like Fuzah...she is one of the people who I’d like to be there for her for the rest of my life. And Wani too, as well as Ayu. And Wany too.

Memories will remain. Dark pasts perhaps will be put aside one day. But for now, goodbye to new memories 😊

May 10, 2019


Hoih lamanya tak menulis. Taktau apa nak tulis dah pun.

I tried to post a few times, tapi berhenti separuh jalan for some reasons.

Anywayssss, updates :

Had my 1st task as facilitator done, Alhamdulillah I would say job done okay kot? I mean we were given tiny tiny time to execute the task and managed to get some awards so I'd say that's not too bad eh? Although, it was just a mini convention and we still have the regional and (hopefully) the national to go but at least first, huge step is done. Lepas menang ada cakap-cakap tak best here and there I'm glad I took a leave right after the convention so I wasn't in a stressful place to receive the news. So I am able to give lesser feck to the news although of course, I'm hurt by what I heard.

Also there are few occasions that I feel like resigning from this place. Ada a few things that make me unhappy and my career progression seems to be on plateau phase when I'm here. However there are loads and loads of things to love about this place. It brought me to places and things that I wouldn't do by myself. I love working with most of the people here (most not all ye :P) Plus, I get to involve with sports activities which I am always excited about. So at the moment these things are keeping me from leaving this place.

Other than that same 'ol same 'ol life. We are already in Ramadhan which I think to me, quite fast. Talk about Ramadhan where we are supposed to memberi kemaafan and such there is certain someone that although I already make peace with what happen, but still couldn't given kemaafan until today. Talk about having grudges eh? Taklah, I mean, I'm okay I'm fine, but I just couldn't bring myself to forgive, just yet. And this is not something that I can change by listening to advices seperti janganlah kita berdendam atau sentiasa memaafkan orang but let this be one stubborn thing that I'd like to hold onto for as long as I want okay? 


January 03, 2019

Moving On


You can say I'm quite a loyal person to my things. I get attached a little too much that I still have momentos from primary school to high school to uni years with me. 

However I think this year moving on should be my theme. Those stuffs have been collecting dusts one day I must find courage to toss away whatever that's not needed.

This new year I bid goodbye to my loyal financial tracker. It has been with me since the day I started working in Pontian. I tracked all my money in and out everymonth. This little book has all my travelling expenses details and all and it has survived air tertumpah, hujan dan panas and finally pieces of the paper started to be separated.

Initially I planned to transfer all the old details into my new little book because sometimes I do look at old expenses for reference. But then I realized, this is it, it's time to move on. I can still flick through the old little book should I need any reference but I don't need to bring the old details into thw new little book.

So goodbye old little book. You served me well. Thanks for all the memories.

Here's to the year of moving on and starting anew 😌

December 31, 2018

2018 : Recap

Just came back from meeting old friends from the university. It was a short and sweet escape but I came back with a huge relief and a clearer mind. For once, bila lepak we only talk about kids and spouses a time or two. Not that much. Not like the usual ones I had to listen I mean it's not their fault if aku ada what they have I might be talking about that not stop too. 

What a breathe of fresh air. Something that I really need after feeling suffocated and very left behind. We talked more about not knowing where to go ahead with the career. Talked about it's okay to be where we are now, to take things as it is. No pressure. We are all on the way to be somebody.

To recap 2018 ;

Did I travel a lot? Not quite. Just Krabi. And occasionally few trips here and there in Malaysia. Still recovering from purchasing Suria and the NZ trip last year.

Did I progress far in my career? Nope. Same ol same ol job. Given a new task, but managed to dodge it. Not this year though, I think I still have to carry the task and I need to carry it well. But at least this year I have a few eye-opening moments. A brief idea on what I could do next. Do I see myself in the same place for the next 20 years? 

Did I join enough runs this year? Not quite. I did 2HMs, a few 10kms and a trail run. But I did try caving this year which was fun. 

I bought Suria last year but this year was all about making it a proper place. I did it all by myself. Little by little I add a few things here and there. Been working like a dog this year to complete  the place. 

Made a decision to take up a loan for something. Something that I am against for before, but reconsidered it after doing some research. Hope all goes well with this.

I gained weight this year. Which is something i'm very unhappy about. And I need to do something about it. Soon.

To hope for 2019;

I want to travel. Abroad. Dalam Malaysia pun nak. I spent on Suria and skincare last year this year I need to go easy on both so I could save up for travelling.  

I need to do something with my career. Something about my weight. Something about my legs. Need to get all these back on track. 
Also, next year, start giving less fuck to everything that make you unhappy. Kalau ada certain trigger that makes you annoyed avoid it at all cost or don't dwell too much on what went on. Don't force things. Relax je. Things will happen if it meant to be. 

Here's to better life better health better everything. More about self love and the people that matters. Adios 2018.

November 26, 2018

Dear Nad,

Sementara masih semangat, let's jolt down this things I need to tell myself as a reminder.

Jangan tulis blog something personal? Persetankan la other people with their judgement. I write down mostly as MY memories. I don't do diaries. They get lost sometimes. I write this down FOR MY OWN memories and if you feel offended or triggered somehow, get yourself out here.

Okay so here goes;

Dear Nad, 

Let's gear up for something in this next few years. Make this your best training ground ever. Learn everything. Do everything. Level up your skill. Improve your communication skill. Build your rapport. Control your level of ease to be annoyed. Master the art of giving less fuck to petty things. 

There are some things that you longed for that Allah might or might not give. Make peace with that. If you happen to be alone forever, make peace with that. If sometimes loneliness creep in, do your best to kick that feelings out. Keep on praying. Never give up in your prayer, but whatever comes out, make peace with that.

Let's lay out plans. Let's achieve something for the greater good. Study. Do your research. Make a list, and study. 

Also please, lose some weight, please. You don't look good in pictures. Too bulat. Let's improve our image. Be the best version of you.