September 22, 2016

Tak Sabar Nak Habis

I am so tired, mostly mentally..these days. We are finally presenting next week and currently doing our last minute preparations. Each time we present to the superiors there would be amendments to be done. So end up it looks like a never ending job..or kerja tak siap..depending on who and how you see it.

At certain point I do feel like flippin the table and say that's it I don't want to do this anymore. Tapi of course tu dalam mimpi je lah. At times I hear demotivating remarks that adds salt to the wound. So heartbreaking okay. Dari awal dapat benda ni pun den dah rasa tak best nak buat..pastu tambah lagi dengar benda-benda tak best. Trust me....given the choice I would rather focus on my kerja hakiki rather than doing this.

May God give me strength to keep on doing this and especially to keep my ears, eyes and mouth shut to the surroundings. Moga Tuhan bersama orang yang sabar.

September 05, 2016


I'm confused. What had happened, happened Okay la maybe I was wrong..lain orang lain sensitif point dia maybe I went a lil too far this time.

I apologized because I felt sorry, really. Lepastu ditanya berapa kali dah macam ni..berapa kali nak cakap sorry aku terus terkedu.

Nak jawab ape eh?

Nak biar tak berjawab nanti nampak cam aku emo tapi tak pun.

So jawab "Alright" je. Uhui matilanak macam lagi bole bengang je. Tapi betul la apa lagi bole jawab kan.

I dunno. Lain orang lain sensitif point dia. Kadang aku cakap macam merajuk tapi tak pun. Tapi orang take it seriously. Susah gak ni.

Dah aku membebel panjang sorang-sorang ni. Sebab I'm confused, really.

Down down down down down

I'm down with diarrhoea and nausea and vomitting for the past few days. It all started with a combo of throwing up + diarrhoea on Friday night. Toughened up myself to go to work for a few hours on Saturday and spent the rest of the day having diarrhoea and laid on the bed. Yesterday it was a throwing out fiesta and today, I'm back on diarrhoea. It's okay if it comes with only diarrhoea but at times headache and stomach cramp happens too so it sucks, really.

Anyway lama tak menulis tetiba cerita pasal diarrhoea plak. Lols.

Not enough with the physical pain that I am having right now, I am thrown right on the face of another heartbreaking news. It's about the project that I've been working on at work. We are finally presenting and bammm suddenly we are met with a huge bump. Honestly I'd really like to give up at this point. But giving up would mean having to live with bad names and reputation throughout my stay here (I assume so)

I've always wanted to lay low everywhere I go. I do my work, and that's it. I don't want to be put under spotlight, either the positive one especially not the negative one.

This project, I've been dedicating my time doing it...if it has to be thrown away just like that...what a disappointment.

August 04, 2016

Membanting Tulang 4 Kerat

I got a side job offer this weekend. The pay is not that much, and it's quite far from home. But I've got no plans this I'm considering the offer. Asked my friend for an opinion whether I should take up the offer or not, to which she replied ;

"Ambik ja la..kita kena kerja keras supaya kalau kita tak kawen takdak husband nak support kita boleh berdikari"

Panggg terus tertampar realiti.

Hmm. That's the harsh reality that I have to face. I don't know where the future throws me, I might even end up living alone by myself so better get used to work hard and ear my living.

Takpala..kerja ja la. At least ada duit lebih boleh gi urut manjakan diri.

Trusting your plans ya Rabb.

August 01, 2016


Sejak dua menjak ni, I've been experiencing a few episodes of acute backpain. Backpain and my job is something quite synonym...but somehow the ones that I've been getting these days is more..painful?

The first episode of excruciating pain was during last Ramadhan. However it was fixed with a bekam session. But at that time it was more of a dull, constant pain that made it difficult for me to bend over to see my patients. The second one, which was last week is a more aggressive one. It started with pain on my left knee  At one point I felt a sharp, shooting pain that I resorted to taking a painkiller injection to get rid of the pain. Haishk..tassuke betul.

Hopefully this pain goes away soon.