September 03, 2015

Slowly losing it

There are times when I need to just talk empty because there're too many things that make me unhappy.

Like tonight.

And I'd like to turn to my favourite person, for asmall chit chat, like whatcha doin', what's for dindinny, and just talk...random things. And I kinda missing the movie nights too.

But I can't.

The warning keeps on haunting me. That one thing that I will remember, forever. I should really print out words by words that pierced me and put it on my head to remind me that I need to start forgetting, not keep on missing the 'ol times.

Just one of those night where I let negativity pulls me down.

Bouncing on and off the positive and negative line, as always.


Recently my hands are quite fragile. It started with an episode of difficult extraction which kinda screwed up BOTH of my hands and it hasn't really heal ever since. As one whose works really rely on the hands, this got me really, really annoyed. 

I started to go easy on extraction. Eased up my appointments and made sure there are only 1-2 cases each day just to recuperate. It got better slightly but I made a big mistake carrying the rubbish up and down last Monday and it started to ache again. Apa bole buat takde orang tolong haritu kah. Til now, even doing other things tire my hands easily..

However I can't be choosy with whom or what kind of treatment I would like to do. It's not nice to let patients wait for long just because you simply don't wanna do it. I tried just now because I just extracted one before so I wanted to rest a bit but the patient ended up waiting for so long I just don't have the heart to make him wait any longer.  Bunyi macam I run the clinic alone but no, and I just don't know why...........

I really need my massage fix. My knees are starting to acting up again because I overdid in my RnB class last Tuesday. Tapi few days ni macam-macam betul cabaran mendatang semoga ade la benda yang baik datang menjelma later..

August 31, 2015

The first round - ting ting ting!

Finally got my ass around cleaning the house - for the first round. Looking at the condition of the house I think it needs at least 3 times of cleaning. Macam minyak seri murni, proses penyulingan 3 peringkat ke ape tah. Macam tu lah. 

Before cleaning the house, I forced myself to eat a plateful of nasik with lauks sampai rasa nak termuntah so I could force myself to do as maximum cleaning as I can for the first round. Makan dah banyak burn pun kena la banyak kan. Lol.

First thing that I got rid of is somewhat you can call rubbish from the owner and the previous tenants. The owner used to be a DJ so he's got 2 full boxes of CDs which he doesn't want anymore. I knew about the CD before and I was hoping I could get someone to help me to bring it out of the house. Didn't want to get rejected straight away so aku guna skill tabligh "do you have 10 minutes to spare" and it was replied with "I've got to be somewhere else after this" lol. #siskecewa #sissedih. 

The CDs collection. Kalau jual kat Mudah ade ke orang nak ni? Banyak lagu Melayu, Indo, dangdut etc

Terus rasa macam marah kecik hati semua lah segala that I talked to myself fine! I'll do everything myself. Mentang-mentang la aku hanya aku macam biasa la merapu fikir macam-macam sendiri sambil marah-marah dalam hati. Haha padahal maybe the other person dah tazabar nak pulang rindu arnab ke kucing ke dah ada orang ternanti-nanti ke. But the disappointment was a good thing terus semangat aku nak kemas rumah. So I gotta thank 'em for the drive! Tapi I attempted to lift one of the box myself and my waist literally cracked after the attempt. Terus tak jadi letak tepi je :( 

After around 3 trips of up and down throwing the rubbish I finally got rid of most of the thing I wanted to get rid of. Ada tinggal a few lagi yang sememangnya tak larat nak angkat sendiri... Geram je tengok ada barang-barang picisan yang terbiar lagi ubat gigi lah shaver lah shampoo yang dah kosong la dalam the toilets and ada biskut ok dalam fridge!! Haha I was cursing in my heart. Kalau aku jadi owner memang tak pulangkan balik deposit rumah kat budak-budak ni. Kahkah. As I write right now my hands and waist are very, very sore from lifting heavy stuff up and down the 4 floors. Like very very. Esok kompem kena buat kerja dengan bantuan painkiller. 

Lepastu baru kemas to the termites'-attacked spaces. Did what I could do. At one part macam ada kayu random yang of course la mengundang anai-anai. It's not supposed to be there pun I thought to myself apakah budak-budak ini membela anai-anai? Like bagi kayu tu to feed the anai-anai ke apa? I knew I need to call pest control but at least berjaya legakan la sikit hati bila dah sapu pasir-pasir habuk tu semua, although not all tapi I tried my best. Kayu tu buang laju-laju sakit jantung kejap tengok anai-anai macam lari bertempiaran. Next time I need to remind myself to bring mask and gloves for cleaning. 

Next thing I moved on to the balcony. For some reason, the balcony was flooded with water and mold and yucky thing. Major speedbump to my cleaning is, the water supply has been locked by the maintenance and I have to wait before the previous owner settle the bill and whatnots. Ada sikit je air dalam tank yang I have to spare for wudhu' and cleaning my hands so I've got to work creatively. 

I had to sodok the yucky water that filled in the balcony, sodok punya sodok dapat la sebaldi T____T Lepas dah kurang sikit air tu baru I found out the hole that was supposed to drain the water was clogged. Unclogged the hole baru la ok sikit but I still need to clean the mold and whatnot. Nasib la rumah ni banyak mop so I just used the mop and threw it away after using it. Memang tak kuasa nak cuci dah lah takde air. Did my best and proud of it. Takde air pun berjaya I bersihkan. Geram je tengok kulat-kulat kat dinding kalau ada air memang dah sental abis dah tadi pun dapat sental mana yang dan je. 

After and before. Terbalik plak susun. See the before? Nak nangis rasanya mula-mula tengok. Dengan ada kayu lah kotak lah, kulat and sesampah banyak gila. #sisstress

Lastly I separated what to be got rid of next, with people's help and what to stay. Kalau ada air I would have clean off the floor and wiped the cabinets. Pull the sofa off the wall so it wouldn't be infested by the termites. Swept off the whole house up and down although I know it's a bit pointless sebab nanti mesti habuk balik but at least hati aku tenang. 

/ - The final look of the house before I leave
No's are the before picture of the house. Haishk, full of NOPEs!

Worked until around 7 sebab macam dah takut sikit duduk rumah tu sorang-sorang. I changed into my gym attire to clean the house and couldn't be bothered to change back. Maka pulanglah dengan baju dan muka busuk itu. 

Next up is pest control, dan pestering the previous owner to settle the maintenance bills so I could get some part of the house fixed. Lepastu buang barang berat tu, cuci the whole house baru up the ads for rent. While waiting for new tenant nanti baru nak fikir lain what I can do to make the house better. Wah kau beria dah plan!

August 29, 2015

I need my break :(

Today I am thankful that I managed to be present at my bestfriend's reception. Siap kena jadi pengapit lagi that was really my first time, and I was nervous as heck. Pengantin relax je I neves lebih. I hate doing job that puts me on the spotlight, walaupun not the main spot tapi still kena tempias light-light la kan?

Anyway job done :)

Although, how I wish I'm in the middle of the island, chillaxing. Or in the middle of the nature enjoying the fresh air. Badly needs an escapade to reformat my mind and body. I had the bookings done and arranged but I had them undone too. Takkan la nak miss the reception, especially when most of the girls can't make it.

Ssokay. Maybe I should pay a visit to my favourite thai massage place for a quick fix. Alone. Kesian. Kah. I am kinda screwed up I just went to spa 2 days ago but I did not enjoy the massage at all. I am missing the touches of the Thais masseuse :(

I, I am just at a state of utter confusion. I just hope the days will get better someday. Someday, somehow.

August 27, 2015


First of all, this - 

is my happiness today. Unfortunately this is the only positive thing I can dig in for today.

So yeah this is my source of happiness that came all over from the other side of the world. Even though I think I took one size larger but I'm still a happy camper.

My mind still wonders around the house. The termites problem is getting quite big and I'm so itchy to get rid of it but I need to clear up the house first. Aih perangai tak sabar mula berleluasa biasa dia ni! I will do the cleaning slowly, one by one. Sebab bajet pun tak berapa nak ada apa-apa yang reti buat sendiri, I will do it. If only I know how to repair the toilet flush and sink.....

I'm sorry, whoever is reading this post (kalau ade lah), at this point you can just shut it off because this is the point where I start rambling..

Next thing I need to get over the denial stage and be in the acceptance mode already.  There are few issues that I have in my chest that I would like to let it out straight to the person but I need to hold back, turn around and walk away. Selama ni ada yang tak puas hati mesti eventually akan terluah jugak but this time around, I need to just fuck it off. But aku tau perangai aku ni selagi terbuku didada I will keep bringing it up, on and on again in the blog.

I think despite all the ketakpuashatian and whatnot, I am actually missing the good ol times. It's like taking out something that has been a part of me for the past years and I feel empty, and rindu. But rindu is not a good thing to feel so I am forcing it to become hatred. Unfortunately I did not manage to do it.

From the best of buddy to somebody I used to know? I don't know. Only time will tell.