Of Being Heartless

"Work hard to the point that the pain doesn't hurt you anymore"

"Does that mean I need to go through more painful things?"

"Yes. A lot. An awful lot. Being heartless is not easy..but it is going to be worth it"

Cuti-cuti Malaysia

Berpuluh kali dah pergi

Tapi pergi dengan orang berbeza

Jadi punya kenangan yang tak sama kan?

What's next? Where's next?

Life

There are so many unexpected turns in life..you just have to be prepared to be not prepared.

I am currently going through a hell lot of confusing turns that I wish I can just stay put and lay low...

A brief update from yours truly. I am done with 6 months rotation for primary care and starting with my specialist rotation. All I can say is...its not quite a joy ride as I expected. Hospital...how can this place be curing and be depressing at the same time?

Now rethinking my career path. Ya Allah..pls make ease of my way. In career. In life, generally.

Lagi rindu

Hujan, lekas berhenti. Kembalikan sinar mentariku. Saat kelam sebegini aku perlu dia untuk terangi alam semesta.

Sedih, lekas pergi. Kembalikan semangatku. Aku mahu bahagiaku seperti dulu.

Tak lama. Yang terindah hanya sementara.
Tak apa. Biar aku kumpul perlahan-lahan kekuatan.
Satu hari semua akan lenyap. Aku tahu. Aku faham.
Adakah aku bersedia?
Only time will tell baby. Only time.

Rindu

Kehadapan laut biru yang dirindui,

Aku rindu tenang yang kau kongsikan denganku.

Pulau Perhentian,

5/4/13 - 8/4/13

Size drop success

From a size 18 to 16 to 14 now slowly moving into 12.

Jus when I thought I'm losing it....these shirts that I accidentally bought motivates me. Just have to keep pushing through...

Never ever give up. Never ever think you are at a comfortable place.

My very first long distance run

Remember when I talked about trying run marathon. Well..I finally did..sorta.

Last Sunday I finally overcame my fear and joined a charity run organized by Majlis Kanser Nasional at Padang Merbok.


Well me and long distance run...we had bad history way back when I was in Sains Selangor. Back when I was in Form 1 we had this annual larian jalanraya (equal to merentas desa..just more urban.lol) I was one of the last person to arrive and my house captain actually ran together with me to the finishing line so I can earn that 1 point. That was one of the most embarassing moments in my life T___T
After that year I was kinda determined to escape the event and joined PBSM so I could earn 2 free points without busting my sweat running like I'm dying.. I actualy survived the next 4 years by being a PBSM.

Spot budak gemok hitam muka penat after the larian jalan raya

And then back in the present..since the last few months my SIL got started running. I actually wanted to try but not quite sure with my ability. The picture of one fat girl running almost crying towards the finishing line supported by her house captain was still clear in my mind..so I started to train...
I started to put extra time on treadmill. I did not run full time as I know I won't be able to do so during the actual run so I kinda like run-fast walk-run-fast walk to get used to gaining momentum again and again..3 days before the run only I managed to do 7km on treadmill..


On the day itself I was quite nervous. Left home right after subuh. Had half boiled egg with bread and banana for my breakfast and had redbull along the way...

Me and SIL..my motivation to run!

So the run started at around 7.30am. From the starting line I started to run and make use of the momentum and enthusiasm to good use. Managed to run for a good 20mins before I started fast walking. And then I continued running and fast walk according to the song on my playlist. 1 song run next song walk..on and on until the finishing line..


I took 56minutes and 45seconds to finish the 7km run. Abang did 51mins and my SIL did 55mins so I was quite suprised and happy with my achievement!

Happy face after the run!

I had to go through 6.5 hours heavy traffic drive to JB and had to skip gym next Monday but it was still a good experience and one of my proudest moments..will I join more run in the future? Of course! Especially considering jow many FIT guys I met along the run. Do you know how much I adore fit guys? Soo much!


Step by step. Next aim is to join more run. And then try longer distance. And then my next goal is to hike Kinabalu.


Bismillah..

My weight loss journey...woah still ade journey ke?

I haven't been updating much on my weight loss journey recently. Simply because I'm pretty much on plateau phase kilogram wise. But I *think* judging from my clothes and pants, I lost a little inches here and there...not much..but still some changes (sedapkan hati :P) Very minimal tho,

So how am I doing lately?

- I still go to gym. At least 3 times a week, normally Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and if I'm still in JB, Thursday.

What I do? Cardio mostly. On good day, I try to burn a total of 500calories. But sometimes I had bad day or my body is just too tired so I will go easy.

• I run on treadmill, normally 40 minutes. First 10 mins walking incline with gradient 6-8, 6.0 speed. The next 20 mins run with speed 7.0-8.0. Last 10 mins walking incline gradient 6-8, 6.0 speed. Since I want to try running marathon, I try to push my running time to 20-25mins now making the total time to 45 minutes. Fuuuuuu..
• Rowing. 2000-4000metres depending on my mood.
• Occasionally cross training. 

- I continued with my Personal Trainer. Finished my supposedly last session a few weeks ago. And then he came to help around a few times. So I decided I'll just continue with him. At least I'm pushing myself doing something out of my comfort zone. PT ni push gua  tapi I really enjoy doing this new stuff that I wouldn't try by my own. Plus I get to see him flexing 'em muscles woah bonus point disitu!

- I still cannot quite control what I eat. I mean...quantity wise ok la. But I cannot go on strict diet anymore. Breakfast I would eat mihun/megi goreng/nasik goreng that I bought at the stall because my colleagues asked me to buy breakfast for them so I'm trapped to buy for my own. Lunch I had to eat something heavy because I'll be damn hungry by then. Dinner...if I'm in the mood I would go for oat porridge and sambal ikan bilis, sometimes with vege. If I'm not in the mood I would just buy lauks from  the restaurant below my gym and just eat em lauks.

- Weekend is of course, when all the diet schmiet is put aside and I eat without much thinking. Which I think the main culprit of my plateau phase.

- I HAVE A VERY WEAK LOWER BODY! Which is very disappointing and frustrating. I'm working on it now. Trying to slowly strengthen my lower body. My muscles.


That's about it I guess. Just a self reminder for me. In case I flop in the future, please remember this. I can do it!

And here's some picture..comparison of me around 6 months ago and the latest me. Not much changes but a change is still a change kan? #sedapkanhatilalala

Genting. September 2012.

Raya. August 2012.

Dinner. Last Saturday nite.

Gedik di gym. A few weeks ago. Cheating sikit la amik angle bagus and tahan nafas sikit :P

Bismillah. Semoga saya istiqomah dalam perjuangan ini. Hihihi

PMS

PMS...PMS...asal PMS je my feeling towards this certain someone resurface.

What is your problem...hormones. why would you want me tp suffercate again?

Hoi cepat lah abis mood swing ni. Tak larat nak layan dah. Ade gak esok gua larikan diri ni...

Anger building up

When you want to hate but you can't

So you have to swallow all the feelings inside

And one day I'm pretty sure I'll be killed by all this anger thay I've been building up