May 22, 2015

The feeling's overwhelming it's much too strong..

Received a good news yesterday and things are looking okay so far. Alhamdulillah wa syukurillah. Thank you Allah. I can finally go at peace.

Banyak hikmah daripada peristiwa ni. Dapat pergi bestfriend's engagement. Naik direct flight. No worries in getting lost at land of strangers. All good now, all good.

Preparation mood got majorly distracted by the tragedy. No mood to pack now I will just bring some essentials. Tapi  sempat la shopping sikit kah kah memang dasar!

Tapi partly mood disturbed by something else too. Sigh.

I will leave you all with this song that best described my feeling right now

May 20, 2015

Kita hanya mampu merancang

Yesterday I was really challenged by the fact that kita hanya mampu merancang...

I had all my budget planned, itinerary done, all left is checking in and fly but who knows what obstacles awaiting in front of me ready to give me a big fat slap.

Terjelepuk kejap terkedu terkesima.

Too tired to give a fuck, I just went on and make another arrangement and all are looking ok. So far. InsyaAllah. May Allah ease. Mungkin aku tak doa dipermudahkan kot perjalanan ni. Sigh..

Whatever it is, I hope to not be where I don't want to be at that day. Let me be thousand miles away.

Budget burst. Itinerary altered. But I believe, He has his own plans. There must be a silver lining behind this dark cloud.

May 18, 2015

Well Hey, So Much I Need To Say...

I held myself from writing on the day itself. Kept myself busy so I won't come out with something too emotional. I'd like to assess my feeling first before I pour it out.

So the day that I dreaded finally came. But I was hmm what should I say..quite satisfied? because I get to spend to the very last hour possible. I had very little to almost none sleep that day.

I was a bit disappointed I got my emotion got away when things got a little messy. The company was a bit too laidback and me, being me, I got stressed of..things. I was afraid the company will be too tired with nothing was fully prepared yet. But things got okay after that albeit preparation was completed at a very last minute.

We had our breakfast in a rush. During the last minute, I finally broke down. My company tried to calm me down but I was too overwhelmed by the sadness.

There are details I would like to write but I will just keep it to myself. I'm afraid if this particular post is read by someone I don't want to.

Later that day, a wrong text message was sent to me by the company and the sadness doubled. Guess the company is just nice to everyone. I am nothing special.

So yeah, I am full of mixed emotion right now. Still hurt from the wrong text message but in the same time can't help to feel sad about being parted. The latter one dominates my emotion but the former one kinda tones it down. Guess it's just God's way to help me deal with this I supposed. 

May 12, 2015

If I give up being a healthcare professional, I would be a....

..a chef! 

Until I was 20, I knew a very little about cooking except for maggi and goreng telur sos. I left Malaysia with very basic knowledge of making food. I only brought 3 recipes in my head - ayam kicap versi makpah, sambal and ayam kari. And mind you they were only in my head I never actually cooked them.

And then I was sent to land of no home country food and the only way to survive is to cook your own. Adelah kedai halal satu dua but how long can you survive on kebabs tacos and burgers. Plus they were very cost inefficient too considering we were only depending on our monthly allowance..

Thanks to the internet and the free time I had on the first year, I had more chance to develop my cooking skill. I had my batchmates to be my guinea pigs and managed to cook a more advanced dishes like nasi kerabu with ayam percik, nasi lemak ayam berempah etc..

After I graduated I didn't cook as much as I did in Cork in Malaysia. Reason I was being too tired at my own cooking and..well...there are plethora of food here in Malaysia who needs to cook anyway. However this past few months I started to watch loads and loads of Food Network Channel series and re-developed my passion for cooking.. Tried a few recipes but still hadn't find the courage to feed a lot of people..

Whipped my own pesto sauce and incorporated it into 2 separate dishes - baked chicken pesto and pesto mayo. The mayo was a hit masuk bakul angkat sendiri kthanxbai

One day when things get, hmm, a bit lonely I might just give my current job a break, travel and learn to cook at different countries. The thing about learning to cook from different countries is they love their piggy and alcohols so gotta find a way to learn how to cook without incorporating those two ingredients..

On the other hand, I am pretty excited we are throwing out a party this weekend. Volunteered myself to prepare sambal goreng jawa and I never cooked them before this so this must be interesting. It's been a while since our last get together so I wanna make sure we all had fun :)

If I ever get decided to disconnect from my closed companies, I want to leave them with the best of memories so gotta give my best :3

May 11, 2015

Puffy eyes

The downside about working in service industry is no matter how bad you feel inside, you gotta toughen up, put a fake smile and work.

I have been working up my lacrimal glands last night and a lil more this morning to work so my eyes are slightly puffy. Internally, I don't quite feel that I can work. Plus I have this tears-induced headache and feeling a bit groggy, But nothing much can't be done as physically I look A-okay and healthy. Put on my specs to cover my puffy eyes and went to work as usual anyway. FYI I don't normally wear my specs to work because I just don't like how fierce-r I look when I wear one.

I am not quite sure how long will I be surrounded by this gloomy feeling. But I truly believe that He won't put something that I can't handle. And He is the best planner. There's a reason why the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. There are also the reason why He puts me in the situation I am right now. Gotta keep the faith alive.

But all said, I can't help but to feel weak and defeated all inside in this past and coming few weeks. Hang in there with me while I recollect myself back.

Dear partner in crime, I am going to miss you. Take care. You'll always be in my heart, my mind and my prayer.