October 21, 2016

Something to be cherished

It was such happy days. Something to add to our memory. I was so delighted I want to pen it down here so I will remember it but I should't, really. Must keep the close-book policy closely. I want to share it to my confidante, to my people, but no..I shouldn't really. So I'm trying my best to contain the memory to myself.

Finally got my belated birthday gift. Thank you for the memories :)

October 13, 2016


I've been meaning to write since forever. Drafted an entry, then let it go stale. Drafted another one, lost my words. So I'll try to make sure this one get posted.

I used to write religiously here but lately I feel like not doing so anymore. For some reason, I'm trying to reduce my openness and for someone like me, that's not an easy thing to do. I used to share almost everything with my people. Somehow I feel like not all would be okay with my choice, and when they started to judge me, I feel frustrated, and I start to distance myself. Rather than burning the bridges with my people, I opt to keep everything to myself. Senang. Not quite sure how long I can do this alone, but I will try my best.

Other than that, I'm beginning to question my life direction. It's really not heading anywhere currently. May one day I found an answer. Soon, hopefully.

September 22, 2016

Tak Sabar Nak Habis

I am so tired, mostly mentally..these days. We are finally presenting next week and currently doing our last minute preparations. Each time we present to the superiors there would be amendments to be done. So end up it looks like a never ending job..or kerja tak siap..depending on who and how you see it.

At certain point I do feel like flippin the table and say that's it I don't want to do this anymore. Tapi of course tu dalam mimpi je lah. At times I hear demotivating remarks that adds salt to the wound. So heartbreaking okay. Dari awal dapat benda ni pun den dah rasa tak best nak buat..pastu tambah lagi dengar benda-benda tak best. Trust me....given the choice I would rather focus on my kerja hakiki rather than doing this.

May God give me strength to keep on doing this and especially to keep my ears, eyes and mouth shut to the surroundings. Moga Tuhan bersama orang yang sabar.

September 05, 2016


I'm confused. What had happened, happened Okay la maybe I was wrong..lain orang lain sensitif point dia maybe I went a lil too far this time.

I apologized because I felt sorry, really. Lepastu ditanya berapa kali dah macam ni..berapa kali nak cakap sorry aku terus terkedu.

Nak jawab ape eh?

Nak biar tak berjawab nanti nampak cam aku emo tapi tak pun.

So jawab "Alright" je. Uhui matilanak macam lagi bole bengang je. Tapi betul la apa lagi bole jawab kan.

I dunno. Lain orang lain sensitif point dia. Kadang aku cakap macam merajuk tapi tak pun. Tapi orang take it seriously. Susah gak ni.

Dah aku membebel panjang sorang-sorang ni. Sebab I'm confused, really.

Down down down down down

I'm down with diarrhoea and nausea and vomitting for the past few days. It all started with a combo of throwing up + diarrhoea on Friday night. Toughened up myself to go to work for a few hours on Saturday and spent the rest of the day having diarrhoea and laid on the bed. Yesterday it was a throwing out fiesta and today, I'm back on diarrhoea. It's okay if it comes with only diarrhoea but at times headache and stomach cramp happens too so it sucks, really.

Anyway lama tak menulis tetiba cerita pasal diarrhoea plak. Lols.

Not enough with the physical pain that I am having right now, I am thrown right on the face of another heartbreaking news. It's about the project that I've been working on at work. We are finally presenting and bammm suddenly we are met with a huge bump. Honestly I'd really like to give up at this point. But giving up would mean having to live with bad names and reputation throughout my stay here (I assume so)

I've always wanted to lay low everywhere I go. I do my work, and that's it. I don't want to be put under spotlight, either the positive one especially not the negative one.

This project, I've been dedicating my time doing it...if it has to be thrown away just like that...what a disappointment.