March 15, 2017

Counting My Blessings

My life is quite like in a mess right now. I need to let it out.

Still battling the acnes on my face, I know the reason why but I can't quite control it. The fact that my stress level is so high right now worsen things. At times I feel so sad looking at those bumps and listening to people's remarks but I just gotta be strong for this.

Weight still not dropping. My workout hasn't been optimal. After 4 rounds of tabata, my heart rate was only around 120. I need to push more for higher heart rate but my body just seem too weak. I need to stop pampering and start to be harder on myself I guess. Gotta stand on my own feet because at the moment, nobody will take care of me until I grow older 😔

Received an appreciation email from a patient today. Quite a long one which was sent to the director and cc'ed to my head of unit and I. That was my first time and it sure does feel good..not quite sure if I deserve one though because during the treatmenr I become a bit disappointed because he was slighhhhttttly stubborn 😂 Even told him what I'm doing will cause a lot of bleeding but kept my tone professional la. Turns out I did relieve him of the pain he's having that he was grateful hence the email?

Whoever he is, thank you Mr, you've really made my day. My patients in Malaysia..there are very few of them really expresses their gratefulness. I just kinda get it when they request for my service.

Back in Ireland, most of my patients are really...courteous? They would hug me and thank me endlessly for a job done. Sometimes I even received flowers and chocolates from them. My final year presentation patient, Dan, he even gave me a 100euro voucher to a restaurant that I told him I like to go for my graduation gift. Not that I need want any gifts or hugs in return, because I know that's my job but a simple thank you or a show if gratefulness once in a while would really make us feel good.

Dah ape aku membebel ni pun tatau. Bottomline is, yes I'm in a mess, but please lah nad pick up yourself and be strong. Please please please be strong. You are in this alone, so you should really never disappoint yourself okay? Look at the positive things, chin up and keep going.

March 02, 2017

Disorganized Train of Thoughts

Jaga-jaga, this is a post heading to everywhere and nowhere as there are loads of things in my mind right now.

First of all, aku sakit kepala, hence this post. Day 3 of intermittent throbbing headache and dull headache. Don't think a tension headache as my forehead doesn't feel tight. Not quite a migraine either because migraine won't normally last this long. Noise triggered the throbs. Certain kind of music triggered the throbs. Right now my assistant is watching some skit in her phone and even the voices of the actors' triggers the throb. But I can't be telling her to stop watching can't I? At times the sunlight triggers the throb. At the same time my neck is strained too. Could it be the cause? I don't know. I hope this headache goes away soon. Hope it's nothing. Dah paranoid dah ni cancer lagi-lagi sekarang aku cepat annoyed. Kah..choi sangat harap-harap takde papela ni. forever dilemma resurface again-should I continue my studies? With the budget cuts and all, they decided this year the dental unit doesn't deserve to go to the CPD. So basically, lagi lama kat sini, lagi mereput la especially dengan perangai diri sendiri yang takde effort nak pergi tambah ilmu ni kan. Nak buek camno, a half day course pun costs you at least 200+ kot. But I really need to start going to my own courses now. Kena jugak make an effort. Had a chat with my friend and he said scholarships are quite limited and even doing specialization is not easy right now. Pening la pening. Honestly I like working here but I know, career wise I won't go anywhere. Unit dianaktirikan macamni they know we only either clean teeth or take 'em out. If I am married with family, that's a different story la kot tapi looking at things now, I really need to think deep.

Eleyh think deep. Jap lagi lupe, pastu dah stress ingat balik, lepas tu think deep balik lepastu tak kemana. Pfft.

Thirdly, bila aku nak kurus ni. Still istiqomah counting calories, so far I only had few days where I exceeded the recommended calories. On days I splurge on eating, I made sure I exercise. Haritu had a day pigging out with the girlfriends thank God I was running 10km (at 1am!!!!!!?!?) so I earn around 700kcal. Had light breakfast that day and off I went to eating without thinking about calories with them. But the think is I only drop 1kg since. Itu pun at times it fluctuates macam semalam macam takde turun pun sedihnyaaaa. Well, I know well I need patience. Tapi tu lah, manusia mudah terlupa kan apa bole buat.

Fourth, I'm in the battle with comedones and acnes on my face, specifically on my chin. I will share it later when I'm over the battle.  It has improved since I had the breakouts la Alhamdulillah let's hope this clears out sooon.

Dah makin pendek sebab nak terkenc ni. Plus I need to continue reading Terima Kasih Si Babi Hutan stat. Kbai!