March 15, 2017

Counting My Blessings

My life is quite like in a mess right now. I need to let it out.

Still battling the acnes on my face, I know the reason why but I can't quite control it. The fact that my stress level is so high right now worsen things. At times I feel so sad looking at those bumps and listening to people's remarks but I just gotta be strong for this.

Weight still not dropping. My workout hasn't been optimal. After 4 rounds of tabata, my heart rate was only around 120. I need to push more for higher heart rate but my body just seem too weak. I need to stop pampering and start to be harder on myself I guess. Gotta stand on my own feet because at the moment, nobody will take care of me until I grow older 😔

Received an appreciation email from a patient today. Quite a long one which was sent to the director and cc'ed to my head of unit and I. That was my first time and it sure does feel good..not quite sure if I deserve one though because during the treatmenr I become a bit disappointed because he was slighhhhttttly stubborn 😂 Even told him what I'm doing will cause a lot of bleeding but kept my tone professional la. Turns out I did relieve him of the pain he's having that he was grateful hence the email?

Whoever he is, thank you Mr, you've really made my day. My patients in Malaysia..there are very few of them really expresses their gratefulness. I just kinda get it when they request for my service.

Back in Ireland, most of my patients are really...courteous? They would hug me and thank me endlessly for a job done. Sometimes I even received flowers and chocolates from them. My final year presentation patient, Dan, he even gave me a 100euro voucher to a restaurant that I told him I like to go for my graduation gift. Not that I need want any gifts or hugs in return, because I know that's my job but a simple thank you or a show if gratefulness once in a while would really make us feel good.

Dah ape aku membebel ni pun tatau. Bottomline is, yes I'm in a mess, but please lah nad pick up yourself and be strong. Please please please be strong. You are in this alone, so you should really never disappoint yourself okay? Look at the positive things, chin up and keep going.

March 02, 2017

Disorganized Train of Thoughts

Jaga-jaga, this is a post heading to everywhere and nowhere as there are loads of things in my mind right now.

First of all, aku sakit kepala, hence this post. Day 3 of intermittent throbbing headache and dull headache. Don't think a tension headache as my forehead doesn't feel tight. Not quite a migraine either because migraine won't normally last this long. Noise triggered the throbs. Certain kind of music triggered the throbs. Right now my assistant is watching some skit in her phone and even the voices of the actors' triggers the throb. But I can't be telling her to stop watching can't I? At times the sunlight triggers the throb. At the same time my neck is strained too. Could it be the cause? I don't know. I hope this headache goes away soon. Hope it's nothing. Dah paranoid dah ni cancer lagi-lagi sekarang aku cepat annoyed. Kah..choi sangat harap-harap takde papela ni. forever dilemma resurface again-should I continue my studies? With the budget cuts and all, they decided this year the dental unit doesn't deserve to go to the CPD. So basically, lagi lama kat sini, lagi mereput la especially dengan perangai diri sendiri yang takde effort nak pergi tambah ilmu ni kan. Nak buek camno, a half day course pun costs you at least 200+ kot. But I really need to start going to my own courses now. Kena jugak make an effort. Had a chat with my friend and he said scholarships are quite limited and even doing specialization is not easy right now. Pening la pening. Honestly I like working here but I know, career wise I won't go anywhere. Unit dianaktirikan macamni they know we only either clean teeth or take 'em out. If I am married with family, that's a different story la kot tapi looking at things now, I really need to think deep.

Eleyh think deep. Jap lagi lupe, pastu dah stress ingat balik, lepas tu think deep balik lepastu tak kemana. Pfft.

Thirdly, bila aku nak kurus ni. Still istiqomah counting calories, so far I only had few days where I exceeded the recommended calories. On days I splurge on eating, I made sure I exercise. Haritu had a day pigging out with the girlfriends thank God I was running 10km (at 1am!!!!!!?!?) so I earn around 700kcal. Had light breakfast that day and off I went to eating without thinking about calories with them. But the think is I only drop 1kg since. Itu pun at times it fluctuates macam semalam macam takde turun pun sedihnyaaaa. Well, I know well I need patience. Tapi tu lah, manusia mudah terlupa kan apa bole buat.

Fourth, I'm in the battle with comedones and acnes on my face, specifically on my chin. I will share it later when I'm over the battle.  It has improved since I had the breakouts la Alhamdulillah let's hope this clears out sooon.

Dah makin pendek sebab nak terkenc ni. Plus I need to continue reading Terima Kasih Si Babi Hutan stat. Kbai!

February 23, 2017


At times there are voices in my head that bring out the worst in me. Almost always it happens during :

A) encounters with bad drivers
B) when I think of that particular someone
C) when somebody forces me to do something I hate

I really hope this voices stay inside because I really wouldn't want to imagine what will happen if it comes out.

On another note, I dreamt of Tok Haron last night. We were in some kind of assembly and he was giving out advices like don't miss your prayer and encouraging the guys to perform prayer in jemaah..and a few others that I can't quite remember.

Al fatihah tok haron, you are dearly missed.

February 13, 2017

Is It Monday Already?

My alarm went on at 630am this morning, and as I struggle to push the stop button I was so disappointed when I look at the day today. "Monday 13 February 2017"

Is it Monday already? Where did my weekend go? How come I did not feel rested at all? 😭😭😭

So I am back at square one, counting calories and bitching about weight. This past few months I've been working out and running but my weight did not show any signs of decreasing at all. Plus, I showed my knee's MRI results to Aqeel (Fuzah's husband) and he said I need to lose weight. So I think it's about time we go back to basic.

Calories counting isn't fun at all but it promises results because that's the basic of losing weight. Calories in < calories out. It's kinda annoying because you have to keep track of everrrrrrything you eat.

Apart from that, I'm starting to save up money for a trip. That means I have to work my arse off to earn extra and as a result, my body is screaming for a massage fix already. But that also need money so basically I'm a bit effed up. Trying my best not to touch my savings so I'm becoming more careful with my spendings now.

Til then. Tata

January 10, 2017

Tentang 2017

2017 sudah. Wah.

Tentang 2017 ni prinsip nya redah, redah aja kasi pecah.

Yang mana ada, yang mana tinggal, yang mana masih berhubung itu aja yang mungkin kekal untuk tahun seterusnya. Kalau 2016 macam ada juga la usaha nak teruskan berhubung, gigih juga nak bertanya khabar membuat effort, 2017 ni kalau kau busy, kau busy lah dengan hidup kau. Biar kawan bertukar jadi kenalan, sekali sekala disapa untuk bertukar soalan, usha kehidupan dari media sosial, cukup la kan? Apa guna ada media sosial kalau tak guna untuk stalk orang dan buat kesimpulan sendiri.

Entah apa nak diexpect untuk tahun 2017 ni yang penting, mungkin circle makin kecil, tapi itulah yang akan kekal untuk selamanya.

Berbaur emosi pulak post kalini. Moga dicatitan akan datang suasana lebih tenang.