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September 11, 2017

A little here and there update

Been a while since I last posted here. Well, nothing much to be updated anyway. Since my last my post nothing much happened. Received my car around 5 days after the accident, all shiny and almost new. I was so happy because I've always wanted to do some facelift to the car but kept on delaying it because of money issue and there were just too much to be done. Due to the incident, at least half of the damage was paid by the other party. Ada hikmah disebalik kejadian kan? 


Another one and a half month before I'm travelling. Half of me is pretty excited because I've always wanted to go there, but half of me is a little bit half-hearted because emm...something. Still looking for a decent shoes for the trip...thinking of buying a comfortable one but that would be  a little pembaziran isn't it? Already bought a backpack..so do I still want to spend on shoes? Hmm..we shall see. Mana tau ada rezeki terpijak boleh beli kasut kan. 


Yet to receive the key to my studio. Dah tazabar nak renovate ni (walaupun duit nan hado, oh please la lepas nak keluarkan EPF ni) Expected to have it by the end of this month. At the same time I'm hoping my EPF application will be approved. Kalau tak sesak juga la nak travel nak pakai duit, nak renovate lagi. Mau ada nanti mampu beli kipas dengan lampu je kat studio tu kang 😩


That's all for now I guess. Will update more when I have the time. 

August 02, 2017

I left the 20s

Jaga-jaga. This is the kind of post that was written in unstable mental state with no proper train of thoughts.




You've been warned.











So...I've turned another year and left...the 20s. On the day itself, I was attending a conference, but yet I still get to celebrate my birthday with my favourite people. I am thankful to Allah for the chance and the space and His mercy.


Had a good breakfast, went for a good lunch, and finished with a good dinner.  I was going on a full eating spree mode last Sunday. I didn't have a balloon nor a cake nor a candle, but I got to spend time with those who cared, so that mattered more, innit?


Actually I'm running out of words to what to say. So imma stop here and write a better post.

Apelah masalah aku ni pun tak tau.

But just wanna say I am happy, I might have cried once during my birthday but that was it. I was happy generally.

Dahlah. Bye

July 27, 2017

How Do I Live Without You

From handling A to B to C to D to E to F to G to H to I to J.....probably going on to Z, you were mostly there. How would I manage without you?


This is an appreciation post - kepada yang penyabar melayan.

I hope I still can survive should I lose you anyhow in the future (which I really hope I don't have to)

July 23, 2017

Hey, I still love you, okay?

It has been a one tough week, mentally and financially mostly. Began my week with preparation for Eid celebration at my workplace. Volunteered myself to make a 2-tier pulut kuning. Never did that before, but managed to pull it off albeit being a bit sloppy here and there.


The celebration went well and very festive in my opinion. The team did well. There were slight unhappy tragedy but I don't want to go there again and talk about it. I woke up at 5 that day after a night of busting my ass making the chicken rendang and shaping the pulut, went to and fro making sure everything went right and yet some people won't just understand. Just for that one day. Takpelah, kita move on dan jangan dikenang semula.


My 2-tier pulut kuning, with eyeless duckies and comots sana sini 


Later that day after the Eid celebration, I received a bad news about the house I rented out. I jinxed myself huh? There were  problem with the water tank, and the water dripped off the ceiling, wetting the bedroom and the desktops! Later the spilled water went bad enough to cause short in eletricity and it went black out. The tenants went berserk. I went panic. What could I do? I was helpless.


After giving some tips that I got from my previous tenant things got under control. It happened again today, fortunately not as bad as last Wednesday and the plumber fixed it, hopefully things are okay now. That's my 400 gone just like that.


Last but not least, my car was knocked from behind last Saturday. It was at traffic light, while we were not moving I wonder how it happened but the boy claimed he passed out. I was dumbfounded, just got back from my side job on my way to Cikpi's house and that happened. But thank God at least the knocker came from a family that can afford paying for the damage. We ended up going to the workshop and it takes a few days before I can have my baby back :(


I was quite worried being carless, how am I going to work....? For some reason I went mengadu to Fuzah..because I normally have some go-to person I talk to that I know will reply me instantly like Wany. I mean, I have few good friends around but not all would reply to my text messages that quick because well, people are busy living their lives. Thank God, Fuzah's car is with her brother and he's not using it so I got myself a car to drive around these few days..



All in all, I lost almost thousand ringgits for some damage control...and mind you it has been 40 days since my last pay. Thank God for side jobs.


I was a bit depressed this morning. Refused to wake up early and just wanted to lie down. But I pushed myself to do things.


Despite all that happened He still reminds me that He still loves me. And that dugaans and onak duri that He placed onto me is because He just wanted to test me, for He knows I can accept the test. He didn't leave me alone.

He lent me shoulders to lean on and listening ears to calm me.

He sent Fuzah and Mamat to lend me car.

He sent Dr Y to give me the extra money from the side job that I supposed to get.

He tested me with accident so that at the same time I can send my car to be fixed and repainted.


Went for a briskwalk and slow jog this evening to ease my mind out.

May tomorrow comes and bring a new hope. Ya Allah, please ease everything. 

July 17, 2017

A lil bit relieved....

Urusan tukar masuk penyewa is completed, Alhamdulillah. Out with the old, in with the new, insyaAllah. To avoid the trouble of getting to and fro Shah Alam-KL countless times I resorted for an agent to deal with bits and parts of the process.


With the new tenants, I prepared an agreement making sure all of us are at the same page and took a deposit too, albeit a bit too low from standard. So glad I had extra pair of helping hand to deal with the contracts and explaining to them because I really really really hate doing that. Things like this make me so grateful for that hands❤ Tsk. Sebak nak nangis rasa dia! Tapi sengal ubi jugakla rasa macam kena trap dengan budak-budak ni because I ended up providing washing machine, curtains and standing fan for them. With that rental rate, niat aku nak sewakan rumah kosong je lepastu pepandai la kome hidup. Tapi apakan daya hatiku tisu kesian tinggi nasib ada orang sound takyah nak bagi lelebih 😅


A few more things to settle at the house (boleh pulak kipas dia tetiba rosak lepas budak-budak ni masuk), and I can focus on the other 2 things. Can't wait to beautify my own space soon walaupun sekangkang kera je ( or mungkin anak kera. Kahh) But the thing is, I went to Ikea to find curtains for my rented house and ended up hating it. Sesak nak mampus and I don't find myself enjoying the place at all. Apakah sebab aku bitter jugak sebab semuorang datang nak menghias rumah bersama keluarga tercinta. Kahhh..Or maybe feel tak sampai lagi sebab kunci tak dapat lagi. We shall wait and see. I ended up at Jusco Maluri and found what I've been looking for. Happy dan tenang!

July 07, 2017

Percaya Pada Rezeki


 Aidilfitri, this past few years have been dull for me because at certain age, you either enjoy one being a child, or being with your partner or your own child. Stuck in this age and this situation, I chose to just stay low before. But this year I have decided to just embrace my life, and just live the fuck outta it. Invited a few friends over my house last night. So glad my plan went well, despite having a lil panic attack when the chicken rice was all gone when only half of the guests has arrived. Underestimated the numbers actually but managed to do a quick fix so all was okay. Maybe ada la makan tak puas sikit gitu.


The past few weeks, I got really worried of my tenant quitting the rent, in the middle of me buying a new property and planning to travel. It's like everything coming all at once. But luckily it happened around Ramadhan, and I managed to calm myself down a lil bit and strategized ways to earn more.


Despite the hiccups here and there,  I have found a new tenant insyaAllah moving in next week, and let's hope things go smoothly after this. It's gonna be a lil bit tough this coming few months until at least end of the year, but I have learned to percaya pada rezeki, and leave it to Him to pull me through this test. All I need to do is to work a lil bit hard more, so I can enjoy a lil bit later.


The same goes to almost all situation and worries I am having now. Percaya pada rezeki, percaya pada Dia. For He has planned everything for me, and I shall just go with the flow.


Syukur, ya Allah for what I have in my life now, and will always try to remind myself to trust Your plans whenever I feel down or lonely.




July 05, 2017

Aidilfitri 2017

It was a very merry raya this year for me, Alhamdulillah. Dah lama tak rasa being this festive akhirnya dapat juga merasa. Since the new house has finally completed after the old one was burned down by fire, more of my uncles and aunties went back to Muar. It was hard to do so before because spaces are limited.


I went back the night of Friday. Reached kampung around 2.30 o'clock. Made sure I slept and rest well before waking up the next day to prepare.


All I can say this raya is, I was really tired of cooking and cleaning, but I had fun nonetheless. However on the 3rd day of raya, I just had enough and decided to start fasting so I can control my eating and didn't have to help cooking for that day. I was just too tired :P Imagine preparing meals for around 30-40 people for at least twice a day. Dahla memasing macam piranha ada food je terus serbu. But I'm gonna miss moments like this. It was something to treasure, really :D

That very first day I started fasting, I broke fast inside the cinema. Brought the girls out for a movie because they were complaining of boredom. Luckily CikWa entrusted me with his Estima kalau tak dah nak bersempit-sempit naik Accord MakSemah dah. There were 7 of us godang-godang semuanya. Watched Transformers. It was okay-okay not too bad.
Piranha kesayangan saya 💌💌

Spent 6 days in Muar before going back home. I accepted a last minute job offer the next day since I've got no plans for that day. Alhamdulillah, rezeki kan. On Friday went to run errands and went out for dinner with PakLong and family. The next day we went to Mak Limah's and Busu's and on Sunday we went to CikMan's SIL wedding, Kak Gee's and to Metia for BBQ. It was a week full of food and more food. Luckily I took a few days off to puasa. Tapi seronok la, at least the leaves that I was forced to take was utilised fully.


I've got another 2 days for puasa sunat syawal, settled the puasa ganti already. Hopefully by next week I can settle everything. 

June 23, 2017

Raya Awal Lagi

Kandas di penghujung Ramadhan, for the 3rd year. Sedih tak dapat habiskan malam 27-29 Ramadhan, but still relieved I managed to khatam Quran.


This Ramadhan has been a good one for me. True, there are somethings missing from the pasts Ramadhan. But that just shows how life is gonna be from now on. Certain people aren't meant to stay forever. However, I'm happy I get to spend with the people that matters, those who spare a part of their time to with me. Truly grateful for them, may Allah swt blesses their lives, di murahkan rezeki, dipermudahkan urusan, and may they stay in my life for as long as possible.


Going back to Muar later tonight. This year, most of my relatives are coming back. It's gonna be interesting one insyaAllah. Hopefully my car behaves well as how he usually is. Lampu dah tukar, pintu dah rapatkan takde bunyi angin, oxygen sensor dah tukar. So relieved I got a helping hand to manage my car.

Semoga dapat bertemu di Ramadhan lagi satu. I like to jot down my Ramadhan journey so I can reflect upon next time. Semoga Allah swt menerima amalan kita semua.

June 20, 2017

Mission accomplished

Alhamdulillah, I managed to khatam last night. Started to think that I am PMSing from my mood swings so I sped up my reading. Spent the weekend to do most of the reading thank God I was working day and night (sebab kalau dekat rumah tendency untuk tido je adalah tinggi 😏 )


Thought of doing something because I managed to achieve my target, I went for mission impossible after work yesterday. See, I have to be somewhere else by 8. So I have roughly 2-3 hours to accomplish my mission after work. Went to SSW to buy groceries, went home, change, pray, and started doing preparation. Around 6.10pm I started menumis and only poured the chicken in at around 6.35pm ( yes I was looking at the time, all the time!)


Just in time for maghrib, I started seasoning the rendang and it is ready to be eaten, just needed to thicken the kuah. By the time I left home around 8, the kuah is almost ready, so I instructed Kak Diah's helper to turn off the stove in 20 minutes times. When I arrived home at 10.15pm, I was happy because it is as what I imagined. Managed to whip up rendang ayam for my colleagues and my family. Mak and abang even went out of their norm from eating oats to eating rice for sahur today because they wanted to eat with the chicken rendang. And they said it was good so Alhamdulillah :D



I think I completed most of my raya checklist already. Soooo happy I managed to get the baju I wanted from Jalan TAR last week, and even at cheaper price from the first time I went.The first time I went, I waited 20 minutes for the salesguy to get my size but ended up with nothing. Hangin betul haku dahlah panas terik time tu. Teringat-ingat baju tu, I tried my luck again and finally got what I want. I was grinning ear to ear when the salesgirl handed me the correct size and baju. Murah RM30 pulak from the weekend price. 


Fixed my car also last week. No more annoying "check engine" sign turned on. It is smooth as how it was before. I can only enjoy RM40 from the bonus given by bangjib :(( because I had to pay the repairing cost but I am relieved. At least my baby is back to itself. Next time ada rezeki lebih nak fix the aircond belt pulak gila annoying kalau bunyi cit cit cit cit tu macam tengah menyeksa sekawan tikus dalam engine. Begitulah..


Akan tetapi, losing weight is still far from fetch. Ada hantu raya ke duduk dalam badan ni, I've tried to eat less this Ramadhan and the weight remained the same. Nak nangis rasanya tengok.......haish sedih mak nak.....


I need a good sleep to recover from the tiring past few days- worked day and night, pulled an all-nighter making honey cornflakes,  drove to KL to get cookies from Zack,jogging, merendang, working. Alhamdulillah, this Ramadhan has been good so far. Thank you Allah for this opportunity and health and time. 

June 17, 2017

Difficult Ones

I think I may have stepped on the wrong foot in my workplace today.


Today was a good day generally until tonight. Greeted by a guy who from the start shown symptoms of a problematic one. I've worked long enough to notice the difficult people.


Firstly, he doesn't like his head to be touched and requested for a cap to cover his head which we don't have. Dah tau kau tak boleh, kenapa tak bawa cap siap2? So he kept on moving his head when I'm assessing him which made it quite difficult. Time ni dah start panas dah.


So he had something which needed to be done something which he refused and requested for something else. I advised him the consequences- with hope he understands but chances are with this kind of people if problem arises they would blame us straight away. So I made it noted in my case note.


Next thing is he refused to pay the amount quoted saying he's a student he has no money bla bla bla. Here's a thing. He's a non- Malaysian, he's 54 and he told me he has worked at this area for 3 years so which part of no-money-student is that? Plus his appearance doesn't indicate he is penniless and he's even using one of Samsung's latest phone. My gut instinct told me he's not speaking the truth but we were intimidated by his built so we let him off with whatever he has in the wallet. I know orang susah when I see one and he definitely is not one.


Begitulah kisah bekerjaku di malam hari. Second "customer" pun a fussy one I tried to remain calm throughout this session. One hour before I can go back I hope the night remains uneventful.


Another thing that is bothering my mind is about my house. Somebody enquired about it but I don't effing have the pictures of the house. Requested it a while ago but still did not receive any and I have a potential tenant over here. Nak view tak boleh, gambar pun takde... Sabar je lah nak. Ya Allah, andai itu rezeki ku, kau permudahkanlah ya Allah.


We are already entering last 10 nights of Ramadhan. Some PMS symptoms have started to show so I need to speed up my Quran reading. Just started juzu' 25 hopefully I managed to khatam it before Aunt Flo comes.


Haih nasib malam tak puasa tergugat jugakla kesabaran dengan orang pelik-pelik ni. Can't wait to go back and start doing the honey cornflakes that my colleagues ordered. Harap dapat settle cepat so I can bangun for qiamullail later.

June 13, 2017

Halfway thru

We are well halfway thru Ramadhan 1438.

The past week mak was on surau duty so I breakfast alone, and I cooked almost everyday, which I enjoyed very much so because cooking is like an escapade for me. It takes away my mind from the serabutness for a while. Also, I enjoy cooking alone because no one tells me what's wrong or what's not to do, and I can cook anything to my likings. Some of my menus include salted egg dory fillet, bendi masak belacan (fav!), chicken grilled, salmon grilled, and spagheti masak lemak that I try to recreate and succeeded. Had this at a restaurant and enjoyed the taste tapi mine was a bit dry..and I had no daging salai so I settled with prawn and dory cutlets instead. Yums!

My spagheti masak lomak and roti john! Yumss.. Hard to find a hotdog bread this days so I settled with whatever bun that I can get. Kihkih..


Also, I went a lil bit extra this year and made the easiest kuih raya on the planet - cornflakes madu. Took me around 3 hours to finish 200 of 'em plus extra few which I baked on a normal try because I rant out of casings. It turns out goood and what made me even happier is Nayli my niece enjoyed it! Nothing felt better when people enjoy the thing you made. 

Made a few flavour, plain ones, with choc and coffee anddd mixed! 

Went to kubur last Sunday, and as per usual, went straight away to the ever famous Jalan Tar. It was friggin' hot and we spent almost 5 hours under the sun. Felt so dehydrated and ended up with headache that day. Only settled with RM50 last season's baju kurung modern. Kesayanganku si vios macam buat hal so I really need to be careful with my spendings. Sedia payung sebelum hujan katanya walaupun sekarang ni macam dah basah lencun kena hujan dah. Kahkah. But I'm glad I spared some money for Mak, boleh la belanja dia jubah 2 pasang. 


Spent my day yesterday mostly on the bed, on the couch. Finally had the rest I needed. Worked like a dog the week before so I need to recharge. 


18 Ramadhan today, I'm at juzu' 19 already so Alhamdulillah, I'm on track. Tapi takut this week terketinggalan sikit so I need to make sure I'll catch up.

June 05, 2017

All comes at once

Sebelum memulakan sesi luahan hati let's recap how's Ramadhan so far. Had a second round potluck at my place last Saturday and it was all good. Almost all made it, and it was like how it was from the years before :)

Currently on track with my Quran reading..already at juzu' 11. Need to keep this up so I can khatam by the end of Ramadhan.

I also worked extra hard this Ramadhan due to the fact that I'm traveling and buying another asset in few months. It is very tiring, i almost have no day off, my back is starting to kill me. Tonight while I was on my way back from my extra job, a news came in that made me dumbfounded for a while.

Nauzubillah dugaan romadhon apakah ini.

So...cut the story short I need to find a new tenant soon. The fact that I rented out my house without taking deposit took a major drawback when the house is gonna be vacant soon. So...all comes at once. I already worked my asses off to cover expenses for traveling and the new asset, then comes this....

Tau tak perasaan kau kerja teruk sampai sakit belakang only to receive this news?

Well.

Everything happens for a reason.

May things fall into places soon.

Or I might need to work day and night to cover the expenses and the debts. Sekarang pun dah penat macam apa dah ni.

May Allah ease me through this, help me Ya Rabb. :(

May 29, 2017

Ramadhan 1438H

2017 went by so quickly and here we are, already in Ramadhan. Where did my 2017 go? The past 5 months has been a bittersweet moment for me. But so far, mostly I am doing okay. Just follow the flow wherever it goes..

Had our potluck at Mak Iti's place yesterday. Differing from the previous years where my place has always been the place no matter how big or how small the crowd is. It was...different. But I have learned to let go and accept that perhaps people need a change of air from time to time. So that was it, potluck done, we move on.

Azam Ramadhan? I didn't achieve mine last year, but really hope I could reach near perfection this year. I might be fasting throughout Ramadhan because I finished my menses jusssst in time for 1st Ramadhan. Since my cycle fluctuates from 30-40 days, there's a huge chance I might be fasting fully this year, so hopefully I can khatam this Ramadhan.

I would also like to make this Ramadhan as a jumpstart for another weight loss journey. It's the only month where I can control my food intake. Tried to incorporate some light workouts too. So far it has been okay, but probably because I wasn't working and spent my time mostly at home. Today we shall see if I can continue doing so.

Lastly I really wish I have the opportunity and strength and rezeki to collect funds for myself this few months. 2 major things going on (which is NOT tying the knot, sadly) and I think I'm kinda crazy to pursuit this 2 things at about the same time. Wishing myself the best of luck busting my arses off working, until the fund is enough. Goodluck dearself!

Till then





May 15, 2017

Battling Hormonal Acne

So...here's an attempt to write again. Alhamdulillah, I think I'm almost at the end of my battle with acne. Around 3-4 months ago I had a bad breakout around my jawline area. It was the time that I don't want to relive again, especially when I already battled one when I was 11-13 years old. 


My breakout was more of a hormonal-related rather than skincare related, I supposed. Or it could be a combination but the affected area and the timing of the breakout kind of suit the hormonal cause more. It could be a mix of withdrawal effect of my skincare tho but I strongly feel that the messed up hormone contributed more. I was sent to panic mode for a while, Alhamdulillah I have been blessed with normal spots and quite okay skin for quite some time so this breakout really frustrated me. To make things worse, I had a few stressful events during the breakout..


 Since 2012, I started using TbT, it did wonder to my face, but at some point it just doesn't have effect on my anymore,so I stoppped. I tried Tt. With heightened awareness level on dangerous skincare nowadays, I stopped using Tt because it contains harmful material, but I already weaned off the skincare here and there, even before the breakout. 


I tried a few other products, back to my ol normal facewash, Ntrgn, tried Mjr, went for facial treatment but none of them do wonder to my face. 


So I did a little research here and there. And I tried... Alhamdulillah it worked!


I used Tt facial wash for a few days, and only the night cream, because although it contain hydroquinone, a certain amount of it actually been used by doctors to treat facial problem. But I only used on the affected area..for a few nights. Active acnes started to resolve. 


At the same time I looked out for facial wash containing AHA/BHA, found Hada Labo facial wash and started using them. No bad reactions to the new facial wash so I continued until now..


So here's my skin during the breakout on pic 1 and pic 2..pic 3 is after I  used Tt for few days..




And this is me, recently. Scars here and there but definitely better than before!




I've been reading more and more about skincare regimes and it sure require a lot of effort and $$$$$. I used to drink Tj collagen and it worked well with me but it's a bit costly so I stopped. To spend 200 every months is a little bit too much, in my opinion.


So to wrap it up,


  • My current skincare routine : Hada Labo facial wash. Hada Labo hydrating lotion which I just started. Biore sunblock - I really like the texture unlike other sunblock which leaves your skin greasy. 
  • Mjr - because it claimed to be organic so I don't think it can do much for a problematic skin. Will try it again when my skin is better. I like the facial oil though
  • Weekly facial mask. Started that routine too. So far so good. Currently using Innisfree's
  • Need to buy Tj collagen when I have extra $$$. Money is tight now I have a few things going on, which I will share one day.

My next target is to go for glowy, face with nice complexion...ahh gitu. Will need more meticulous regime and of course more $$$ so let's hope time and money permits!


Til next time...

April 27, 2017

I can't write anymore

I feel like...as if I that I can't write anymore.

A lot of things to say. A lot of fears to share with. But I ended up writing nothing..

Perhaps one of these days imma come out with something more.

Till then, tada

March 15, 2017

Counting My Blessings

My life is quite like in a mess right now. I need to let it out.

Still battling the acnes on my face, I know the reason why but I can't quite control it. The fact that my stress level is so high right now worsen things. At times I feel so sad looking at those bumps and listening to people's remarks but I just gotta be strong for this.

Weight still not dropping. My workout hasn't been optimal. After 4 rounds of tabata, my heart rate was only around 120. I need to push more for higher heart rate but my body just seem too weak. I need to stop pampering and start to be harder on myself I guess. Gotta stand on my own feet because at the moment, nobody will take care of me until I grow older 😔


Received an appreciation email from a patient today. Quite a long one which was sent to the director and cc'ed to my head of unit and I. That was my first time and it sure does feel good..not quite sure if I deserve one though because during the treatmenr I become a bit disappointed because he was slighhhhttttly stubborn 😂 Even told him what I'm doing will cause a lot of bleeding but kept my tone professional la. Turns out I did relieve him of the pain he's having that he was grateful hence the email?

Whoever he is, thank you Mr, you've really made my day. My patients in Malaysia..there are very few of them really expresses their gratefulness. I just kinda get it when they request for my service.

Back in Ireland, most of my patients are really...courteous? They would hug me and thank me endlessly for a job done. Sometimes I even received flowers and chocolates from them. My final year presentation patient, Dan, he even gave me a 100euro voucher to a restaurant that I told him I like to go for my graduation gift. Not that I need want any gifts or hugs in return, because I know that's my job but a simple thank you or a show if gratefulness once in a while would really make us feel good.

Dah ape aku membebel ni pun tatau. Bottomline is, yes I'm in a mess, but please lah nad pick up yourself and be strong. Please please please be strong. You are in this alone, so you should really never disappoint yourself okay? Look at the positive things, chin up and keep going.

March 02, 2017

Disorganized Train of Thoughts

Jaga-jaga, this is a post heading to everywhere and nowhere as there are loads of things in my mind right now.

First of all, aku sakit kepala, hence this post. Day 3 of intermittent throbbing headache and dull headache. Don't think a tension headache as my forehead doesn't feel tight. Not quite a migraine either because migraine won't normally last this long. Noise triggered the throbs. Certain kind of music triggered the throbs. Right now my assistant is watching some skit in her phone and even the voices of the actors' triggers the throb. But I can't be telling her to stop watching can't I? At times the sunlight triggers the throb. At the same time my neck is strained too. Could it be the cause? I don't know. I hope this headache goes away soon. Hope it's nothing. Dah paranoid dah ni cancer lagi-lagi sekarang aku cepat annoyed. Kah..choi sangat harap-harap takde papela ni.


Secondly..my forever dilemma resurface again-should I continue my studies? With the budget cuts and all, they decided this year the dental unit doesn't deserve to go to the CPD. So basically, lagi lama kat sini, lagi mereput la especially dengan perangai diri sendiri yang takde effort nak pergi tambah ilmu ni kan. Nak buek camno, a half day course pun costs you at least 200+ kot. But I really need to start going to my own courses now. Kena jugak make an effort. Had a chat with my friend and he said scholarships are quite limited and even doing specialization is not easy right now. Pening la pening. Honestly I like working here but I know, career wise I won't go anywhere. Unit dianaktirikan macamni they know we only either clean teeth or take 'em out. If I am married with family, that's a different story la kot tapi looking at things now, I really need to think deep.

Eleyh think deep. Jap lagi lupe, pastu dah stress ingat balik, lepas tu think deep balik lepastu tak kemana. Pfft.


Thirdly, bila aku nak kurus ni. Still istiqomah counting calories, so far I only had few days where I exceeded the recommended calories. On days I splurge on eating, I made sure I exercise. Haritu had a day pigging out with the girlfriends thank God I was running 10km (at 1am!!!!!!?!?) so I earn around 700kcal. Had light breakfast that day and off I went to eating without thinking about calories with them. But the think is I only drop 1kg since. Itu pun at times it fluctuates macam semalam macam takde turun pun sedihnyaaaa. Well, I know well I need patience. Tapi tu lah, manusia mudah terlupa kan apa bole buat.


Fourth, I'm in the battle with comedones and acnes on my face, specifically on my chin. I will share it later when I'm over the battle.  It has improved since I had the breakouts la Alhamdulillah let's hope this clears out sooon.


Dah makin pendek sebab nak terkenc ni. Plus I need to continue reading Terima Kasih Si Babi Hutan stat. Kbai!

February 23, 2017

Demons

At times there are voices in my head that bring out the worst in me. Almost always it happens during :

A) encounters with bad drivers
B) when I think of that particular someone
C) when somebody forces me to do something I hate

I really hope this voices stay inside because I really wouldn't want to imagine what will happen if it comes out.


On another note, I dreamt of Tok Haron last night. We were in some kind of assembly and he was giving out advices like don't miss your prayer and encouraging the guys to perform prayer in jemaah..and a few others that I can't quite remember.

Al fatihah tok haron, you are dearly missed.

February 13, 2017

Is It Monday Already?

My alarm went on at 630am this morning, and as I struggle to push the stop button I was so disappointed when I look at the day today. "Monday 13 February 2017"

Is it Monday already? Where did my weekend go? How come I did not feel rested at all? 😭😭😭

So I am back at square one, counting calories and bitching about weight. This past few months I've been working out and running but my weight did not show any signs of decreasing at all. Plus, I showed my knee's MRI results to Aqeel (Fuzah's husband) and he said I need to lose weight. So I think it's about time we go back to basic.

Calories counting isn't fun at all but it promises results because that's the basic of losing weight. Calories in < calories out. It's kinda annoying because you have to keep track of everrrrrrything you eat.


Apart from that, I'm starting to save up money for a trip. That means I have to work my arse off to earn extra and as a result, my body is screaming for a massage fix already. But that also need money so basically I'm a bit effed up. Trying my best not to touch my savings so I'm becoming more careful with my spendings now.

Til then. Tata

January 10, 2017

Tentang 2017

2017 sudah. Wah.

Tentang 2017 ni prinsip nya redah, redah aja kasi pecah.

Yang mana ada, yang mana tinggal, yang mana masih berhubung itu aja yang mungkin kekal untuk tahun seterusnya. Kalau 2016 macam ada juga la usaha nak teruskan berhubung, gigih juga nak bertanya khabar membuat effort, 2017 ni kalau kau busy, kau busy lah dengan hidup kau. Biar kawan bertukar jadi kenalan, sekali sekala disapa untuk bertukar soalan, usha kehidupan dari media sosial, cukup la kan? Apa guna ada media sosial kalau tak guna untuk stalk orang dan buat kesimpulan sendiri.

Entah apa nak diexpect untuk tahun 2017 ni yang penting, mungkin circle makin kecil, tapi itulah yang akan kekal untuk selamanya.

Berbaur emosi pulak post kalini. Moga dicatitan akan datang suasana lebih tenang.