I love you 356354

This is a tribute to the one that has been with me for the past 7 years. 

We've been together since I started working. For 2 years, it brought me safely through 323km journey South to East and 323km East to South safely, regardless of the time. 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am, just name it. Ulang alik JB-KL-JB Pontian-KL-Pontian. Ulang alik Pontian JB. It has traveled to all the states in the Peninsular. Be it solo trip, or with companies. 

It has been the witness of the stories of my life. Tempat mendengar keluhan tentang kehidupan. Tempat menadah setiap airmata setiap kali dikecewakan. Yang jadi saksi insan-insan yang pernah hadir dalam hidup. 

You are a very reliable companion and I thank you for all these years we've been together. On your last day, we already traveled 356354km. 

Thank you, and goodbye. 

Sedang Cuba Bertahan

I had kind of a major breakdown on Friday night that I ended up crying for almost an hour.  I felt like I was at the lowest of the lowest point of my life. The next day I woke up, I tried to gather myself and be strong. Thank God I had to attend a program so I had my mind taken off for a while.

On Sunday I received another devastating news. Kinda feel like the whole world crashing down on me. I mean...I'm already feeling that it would be easier if my life ends now so I won't be hear another things that would break my heart. But I held on. Tried to gather every positive aura that would keep me going.

I'm trying to accept there are things we can't control in life. That things happen. Things change. And everything is temporary. Even our lives. There are reasons why things happen. And that God wouldn't put us through tests if we can't handle it.

Cuma perlu bertahan. Just keep going. 

I am sad

It has been a hectic week, juggling with my tumbling and unstable emotions, as well as managing work. My team went for the nationals and managed to secure the highest band, Alhamdulillah eventhough we didnt make it to the top 20. A little bit of mixed emotion there but I would just leave it as it is. Soal rezeki, ada nanti ada lah.

Aside from that I am fighting with my feelings. It has been a very tiring week especially emotionally. Things might have been getting better, or at least the intense phase has passed but it still feels empty.

To make this week a complete series of sad things, I have confirmed my suspicions that  my best friend of work is resigning. I mean...I have already broke down a few times this week. I cried to sleep. I cried on the way to work. This news is another cry-worthy thing but I am physically so exhausted I had to resort to another way of expressing my sadness. However, she's leaving for the sake of her family and the fact that this place might not suit her need. It is pretty tiring this days with overflow of patients. I had to excuse myself from seeing patients for this few days but I'm always feeling guilty doing so knowing how tiring would it be for them to work without another 1 manpower. It must be hard for them. Anyway... I should make peace with the fact that she's leaving because it is for her happiness.

I hope with a few tasks and events already completed by this week, things would be better. I am just tired mentally, physically and emotionally. I already let go a few locum sessions eventhough this is the hardest month for me, financially. Might need to take out my savings di hari tua. Harap ada rezeki lain nanti :(