Open up you eyes, keep on praying!

Freedom Flotilla - fleet of ships, with people from different countries are on board to Gaza. They are unarmed, takde senjata apa pun. They come in peace. They come in the name on humanity. Apa yang diorang bawak cuma essentials, bantuan perubatan, makanan dll. They meant no harm, sekadar ingin membantu. And now this harmless people are being attacked by Israel. Ada orang dari macam2 negara kat situ. Ada jugak budak kecik dalam tu.

Macam ketua gangster sekolah asrama tingkatan 5 menyerang budak darjah 1. Macam tu lah. Ketua gangster yang kuat tu serang budak kecik. Budak kecik tu cuma nak bagi makan dekat kawan-kawan dia kat sekolah asrama tu sebab ketua gangster tu tengah raging diorang tak kasi diorang makan.

Kita orang Malaysia susah nak concern melainkan ada Malaysian terlibat kan kadang-kadang. Now guess what, ada orang Malaysia kat dalam kapal tu.

Kita tak seberani dan sebertuah orang-orang yang diberikan peluang dan hidayah nak menyertai misi kemanusiaan tu. Tapi kita still ada senjata yang kuat - DOA. Teruskan berdoa!

May - the month of beautiful people

May is definitely a month where gorgeous people are born. I'm yet to give a proper shoutout to these people :-)

May 29th :

Nadiah - my first friend ever in SMSS. Back in the year of 2000, at Dining Hall we met. She was my classmate of 3 years. Always somewhat cengeng but otherwise a very cheerful, energetic girl.

Aliyah - my classmate back in KMB as well as my college mate and ex housemate. Teman stay up, teman berRedbull and teman menggoreng cekodok at Laburnum. I definitely miss the FAT moments in Laburnum :') I can still count on her if I need someone to talk to.

May 31st

Ida - my bestest friend forever. My cheerleader, my lending ears. A person whom I always turn to for opinions. I can't wait for our Indonesia getaway. Ya Allah, semoga apa yang kami rancang dapat berjalan dengan jayanya :')

My wishes to them, may Allah bless them, with happiness, healthiness and wealthiness. Semoga berjaya dunia dan akhirat :)

As for this one particular person, I can't really wish him the same as the girls. I just hope Allah place him di kalangan orang beriman. Ampunkan dosa-dosanya, kasihani dia seperti mana dia mengasihani kami sewaktu kecil dulu.

For the man whose birthday I never really get to celebrate, whose presence I've always been longing for. I really miss you dad!

May 18th.

What's on my mind?

So busy to come out with words now. So I leave you all with MY video :P

Of life's future plan

Takde idea mau update apa la.. Life has been pretty much the same. When I'm not at lab, I'll be at home. When I'm not lazy, I'll go to gym. When I wanna buy things, I go to Tesco. When I'm hungry, I cook and eat. OK OK better stop now. People geddit already.

Oklah nak cerita satu. So today I called my mom and we had good 45 mins convo. At one point, I told her about some of my future plans. I know this is just a plan. Something might have came in the middle. And at the end of the day Allah is the main decider but hey, it's not wrong to have a planning, no?

So we talked about life after I've graduated. With God's willing, I'll be graduating in 2012 (Amiiinnnn) and will start working as a dentist la kan (Amiiin). I told mom I hope I'll be posted somewhere near home. Be it HUKM ke HKL ke Sg Buloh ke I still wanna stay at home. I've been away from home for too long. It's time for me to go home to accompany my mom. She's been alone almost half of her age it's time for me to repay her sacrifices.

Lepas tu cerita how I wanna further my studies to be a specialist. Wahhh besar cita-cita kau kak. Takpe2, dreaming cost nothing, it's free ;) Mak tanya where? I told her of course Malaysiaaaaa. Almost 3 years living in the foreign land and I'm starting to go nuts already, I don't think I can be separated from my home land no more. Tapi I told Mak the plan will only proceed faster if I get married earlier. OK sedikit depressing bercerita soal jodoh. Better stop here :P

me in another 20 year old. baru umur 43 umur dah camni2 sket rupe. haha. hishhh mesti kena awet muda macam makk

Anyhoo program saya berjimat cermat is hmmmm doing OK I guess. Tapi tulah, bile kita nak berjimat cermat ni la tetibe colgate habis lah. Sos habislah. Kicap dah nak abislah. OMG I can never live without kicap ok. That's like a beer to me if I'm an alcoholic. Eceyhh dah duduk sini analogy kena la ala-ala Irish. HAHA. Pigidahh lempang kang. Bertahan owhhh bertahan. If you really wanna do this, you have to do this right.

Haishkk monay monay monay monay monayyyy...Kan best kalau email spam yg selalu dapat pasal menang lottery la..business proposal laa...account inheritance la..tu smua betul. Takde risau pasal nak jimat2 duit. Gua stress je terus beli tiket, balik! :P

Gibberish talk - some similar content as the previous post, you might want skip this if you've read the previous one LOL

Missed a post on yesterday because I simply don't have anything much to update....and I'm kinda restraining myself from coming out a post that speaks too much about my endless cries of wanting to go home.

This post prolly heading towards that direction as well. Coz when I logged onto facebook, I saw posts from my friends, I miss them, I miss home. When I'm here, alone, I miss talking to my housemates, I miss them, them at home, I miss home. When I go to school, my classmates talk about going back home for the weekend, I thought of my mom, I miss home. When I go to gym, the weather is freakin hot, reminds me of home, I miss home. Pendek kata whatever I do now, home predominates my mind. So chronic like that.

Tak tahulah what I should gibber now. Uhmm...About the decision to change the dates of my ticket? Imma ask the travel agency whether the rate is gonna change if I were to change the ticket last minute. If not, I will wait until after I'm done with OSCE (4th June, that is)

So there are two things that will affect my decision now. ONE - if I do okay in my OSCE, means I don't messed up too much, I can answer the questions well etc. TWO - if I'm able to live with this €XX amount of money until 4th of June. Because obviously changing the ticket costs me a lot of €€€ so I have to plan my money well. And to be honest the amount of money that I spared isn't that much. I can finish it in one go if I were to go to Neulook and buy all those pwetty shoes and clothes but since this is quite a tough decision I had to test la kan how far can I discipline myself.

Oklah sudah..sampai ke sudah nanti post nye sama je. Nak balik. Nak tukar tiket. nyahaaa XD I hope I can make a better post by the end of today to make up of this crappy post. Oklah sejak bila pulak ada post bermanfaat tp u get what I'm trynna say la kan. Or else I should just change me blog name to Of Rants and Gibbers.

p.s : oh just in case you got confused the earliest date I can go back is 21st of June. Because I still have orals that day. Tapi gile kah kau nak balik hari ada oral kan? So the earliest date is 22nd of June...which is 3 days before the supposed-to-go back. Mengada-ngada kan budak ni? Memang pun baru tau keeeeeee

Sing with me, Sing for the year, Sing for the laughters, Sing for the tears

Oh if someone writes a song with a simple rhyme

Just a song where is feeling show

And if someone feels the same about the simple song

Oh sometimes you can hear them sing

Music gives you happiness or sadness

But it also, it also heals your soul

Eceyh siap ada intro kali ni.

You know how songs affected your mood and all. So this is a story on how songs in my iPod affected my workout motivation. I used my old iPod to the gym because it's lighter and less hassle than the iTouch (lol Apple 'shipper much?) The songs in that iPod are really really old. Banyak N Sync la seta pelbagai lagi lagu bukan2. Apparently I don't give a damn much about the songs in it. I just need to listen to something while working my arse off...

berjasa iPod ni :)

So usually I'll put on the shuffle mode and just continued. Upbeat songs like Jay Z's Izzo, Sean Kingston's Beautiful Girls and those OST Step Up songs really boosted my motivation and get me going on faster.

Until one time....the iPod tuned into.....Zaiton Sameon's Menaruh Harapan. OK fine don't ask me why is that song is even on my iPod. Maybe one of those days I was on my oldie mood ke apa. Nak stop tukar lagu, susah. I slowed down a bit. The song was so depressing that my legs and my hands decided to go with the gloomy song. Sumpah terseksa...mungkin boleh nangis juga..

bayangkan lah kena lari-lari sambil dengar lagu ni T___T

After that incident I decided to update the songs in that iPod. I just realized that I haven't keep in touch with latest songs that much. Yelah dulu I used to rely on the radio for newest songs etc. Skang dah tak dengar radio. So I went to online charts like Rickdees and Hitz.fm chart and downloaded the latest "in" song. Now baru gua rasa macam cooooool y'all. Haha cool hotak kamu.

Oh eniwei it's been difficult 2 days for me since last Friday. Motivation level dropped, homesickness tripled. Felt like giving up padahai takde benda sangat pun yang nak di give up kan. Maybe I'm just partly lonely partly homesick.

Once again mood gile saya dah datang that I'm considering to change my ticket earlier by like 2-3 days? I know...so wasting money right? See how la later if my mood becomes better soon I might change my mind.

Disturbia

Helloooo this is another entry that I wrote early in the morning because I was just too disturbed with what happened last nite.

Dream #1

In the middle of exam's week. I thought I still had a few days before pharmacology exam. So I didn't really study. Turns out the exam was due that day (ie today in my dream, that is) I was so scared. I haven't prepared. And suddenly my hand had some bruises so I tried to use that excuse to the invigilators but they insisted that I continue with the exam after they put some meds on it. I WOKE UP FROM THE SLEEP BECAUSE IT'S JUST TOO SCARY AND TOO DISTURBING.

Is this a sign that I should start studying for my OSCE and Oral now? *sigh

Dream #2

The background setting was something similar to dormitory/hostels area. X came to me. Confessed yada yada yada. Yada yada yada. Wrote letters. Yada yada yada. Haha sorilah I can't reveal in detail what was in the dream. Malu lah.

This...I'm not really sure the meaning behind the dream. It's complicated. lol

Nadz, 4.53am

The call at eleven thirty

Yesterday I received a call at 11.30pm, no number, just call like that. I hate it because :

1. I have slept already. I hate waking up in the middle of the nite to take calls because I won't know what I've blabbed and I hate my own voice especially when I just woke up from sleep
2. I feared of emergency calls. You know those calls saying this and that people has passed away? Yeah, that kind of call
3. Because normally only calls that are emergency enough are made at that hour
4. And it's quite rude to send texts or make calls to people around that time unless you are close enough. Lagi-lagi kalau msg formal masuk. One time I received a text around 12 inviting for an event. I was woken up to that damn text and I almost send an angry reply. Nasib berjaya mengawal diri.
5. And the call I receive yesterday? The caller letak fon bila gua angkat. What the hell was that man?

Taking casual calls are a different story anyway. Kalau call kawan2 pukul 12 ke 1 ke that's acceptable coz you are sort of expecting that call. And you normally know your friend's number. BUT THIS IS CALLER WITH NO NUMBER FOR GOD'S SAKE BUAT CUAK JE OKAYYY.

People out there, please don't do like this to anyone anymore. Lebih-lebih lagi sekarang saya tengah paranoid because am receiving signs (dream, eyelid twitching) that something bad is coming up. Cukuplah diri dah stress kena duduk sorang-sorang don't add up my worrisome.

p/s : My phone credits are running low but I'm in no mood to top up these days so any text messages that are sent when I'm not in front my laptop tend to be ignored. Sebab kalau ada ngan laptop I can send web text msg.

Kthxbai

Nadz, 5.34am,

Gimme FIVE!!

Sebab harini cam penat, here's some snippets

OTL

Tak siap-siap gigi molar nan satu tu. Stress saya jadinya. Hwaaaa...harap2 esok saya akan berjaya obturate and get done with that one damn teeth.

GYM

The hardest part is when I have to walk to the gym, which takes about 20-30 minutes from home depending on my pace. Second hardest part would be gaining momentum when I was about to start the work out. Nak give up ada. Nak nangis ada. Tapi I can see my knee is improving already. Dah tak sakit-sakit. Now I still need to get my body adapted to this new healthier routine. Malam-malam je mesti dah flat penat. Bukankah patutnya badan cergas otak cerdas? Hmmmm...

WHAT I ATE TODAY

Pagi I had oat porridge leftover from 2 days ago. lol. Lunch I had banana. Early dinner I had enchiladas with boiled broccoli and mashed. Made enchiladas because I saw Mommytard did this with Babytard and they look yummy. I thought my tolerance to the taste of cheese has increased but it has not. That's one thing I would change if I were to make enchiladas again - don't put cheese / put more blackpepper.

put a lot of chilli sauce sebab nak cover rasa benci cheese. lol

STUDIES

Haram tak start apa lagi. heh

kthxbaiiii

p.s : if y'all hasn't realized, yes I prolly update boring posts like this for the whole 42 days I've been left alone. HAHAHA

kthxbaiii the second

Four days passed, another forty days to go

Annyeong~

Today is Tuesday, and Tuesday is my free day. So I decided to run a few errands since I might need to start preparing for OSCE or attend extra session to finish up my requirements during this free day starting next week.

Pagi tadi bangun-bangun saya tolak lower right canine saya dia boleh tercabut macam tu je. Sumpah terkejut gile! Sekali bangun-bangun mimpi je rupenya. Fudge la. Orang kata mimpi gigi tercabut means orang terdekat akan meninggal. Ya Allah, tsk, saya tatau nak kata apa. Hopefully this aren't true. Orang kata lagi left eyelid twitching means nak nangis. My left eyelid has been twitching for quite some time. Tapi dia memang selalu camtu pun around exam/masa2 stress. Tskkkk..apakah inii..apakahhhh...

Ok tamau fikir. Jangan fikir. Sudah sudah..

Pagi-pagi tadi I went to the Social Dept to apply for PPS number. Then I went to USIT. Checked out the shops...how long since the last time I went to the city eh? 2 months maybe? Went for lunch at Banna Thai with Alya, Adilah and Alia.

After lunch I went around a few more shops. WANIIIII AKU BELI SELUAR SUKAN SINCE SELUAR SUKAN AKU ADA SATU JE. SO TERPAKSA BELI LAGI SATU. hehehe...I headed to gym after I'm done touring the city. Tapi tak spend lama pun situ. Only 30mins like that since I haven't prayed yet. Itu pun struggle jugak pergi because I've brought the gym attire with me so macam tamau sia2kan usaha sendiri mengangkut baju2.

It was raining all the day today. Hujan rahmat mungkin. The final meds.. I mean the DOCTORS just got their results today. Congratssss everyone! Uuu...dah berakhir dah zaman sebagai pelajar-pelajar. Uuuu....bestnye..

Ok I should really start preparing for OSCE and now before the revision I did a few weeks back starting to fade away. Tapi haishkkk....manalah semangat tak datang-datang lagi neh..

It's been three days, and I'm gonna be okayyy

The oral list for both Pharmacology and Pathology was out today. For Pathology, Alhamdulillah, I passed the paper. Syukurrr sangat-sangat. My instinct didn't messed up this time around.

As for Pharmacology, I can't really say the same. Yes, I wasn't on the list BUT it holds 2 possible consequences - either I failed badly or I passed the paper. Differed from Pathology list, we don't know who passed or who didn't make it from the oral list. They only came out with people who are on borderline of pass/fail, pass/honours and honours/1st class. As far as I could remember the paper was okay. There were no surprises from the paper, the questions were all expected. I *think* I did the paper okay, kira I didn't messed up ke ape lah. Tapi...tu lah..anything can happen kan?

For now I need to work on my OSCE and the compulsory viva. I screwed up the first continuous assessment. I studied harder for the second one in the hope to cover up the mess I did on the first one. Tapi they won't give out our results, at least not until the official overall result which is on 29th of June. Sekarang ni I've still got one last chance, which is the viva on 21st of June. Eh amende tah bebel panjang-panjang ni yang penting... Mari berjuang....ayuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh!

I might rant a lot about how hard my course is here and how I am very close to give up my studies and all. Tapi..that's life. There's nothing easy, nothing could be done without an effort. Yelah sekali sekala akan ada onak ranjau berduri segala tapi kita..mesti bertabah. We've gone thru this far in our life, so marilah kita teruskan perjuangan eventhough how hurt we are now. What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger...but..never surrender even until the end of your life alright? Saya bile stress je poyo lebih macam it's the end of the world segala tapi it ain't that bad sebenarnya. Mungkin sebab saya suka compare dgn org lain yang lagi senang perjalanan kehidupan dia tu buat saya stress kot..

Moving on to the usual boring updates. Semalam saya tak buleh tido awal. Jadinya, lepas subuh itu saya tidooooo balik sampai pukul 10 lebih. Plan nak gi gym pun terbatal since I've class at 2. Golek-golek-golek sambil chat with Nabila lepastu pergi class.

In pros class today we finished up the full denture. Dah ada rupa gigi pelesu dah benda tu. Uuuu....finally after months of "hard work" keluar dah rupe dia...Balik dari class tu I wanted to go to gym initially, tapi sebab tak bawak towel, patah la balik rumah. Haha alasan gile...

Dinner today? Hmmm...oat porridge with diced chicken burger. Terlupa plak takde sayur..belasah jelahhh..Tapi tibe-tibe tadi the juniors sent me some food from their makan-makan. Uuuuu so tempted to eat by I'm full already.

porridge in the process..

tabur habuk sambal ikan bilis yang mak hantar (habuk je tinggal~) and kicap. hehe..

Ok dah nak smayang nak tido byeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Day two without you you you

First of all, I would like to wish Happy Teachers' Day to teachers all over the world, especially of Taska Sayangku, Sek 19 Shah Alam, Sekolah Kebangsaan Hicom, Shah Alam, Sekolah Menengah Sains Selangor, Kuala Lumpur, Kolej Mara Banting, Selangor and UCC, Cork, Ireland. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for everything, for without you I wouldn't be able to be where I am now. Lelebih lagi to teachers at SMSS, the place where I grew up the most to be a human. heheheh..I love you all :)

Back to the boring updates, today I did something similar of what I did yesterday. Only the timeline differed. Woke up the first time at half 4 for Subuh. Golek-golek and had some facebook convo with my friends and Puan Roslina, my add maths teacher back in SMSS. After some time, I went back to sleep again and woke up at 9.45am. Chatted with Fuzah about things and all.

comments at Cikgu's wall. started by Afiqah's wish meleret reminisce kenangan lama-lama. biasa lah Epul tu kalau mengingat kenangan bukan-bukan memang hebat

sumpah terharu :')

At about 1 I went to the gym. Singgah Centra and bought a banana since I haven't eaten anything since morning 'cept for Usana's Choc drink that I mixed with milk and 2-3 pieces of honeydew. Takut pitamss plak kalau tak makan kan walaupun tahu banyak je sumber lemak nak dibakar by my body for the workout. Tried to do better than yesterday tapi takdelah better mana pun. Maybe adalah lebih 10 mins on the bicycle as compared to yesterday and I did some sit ups as well.

the locker "swallowed" my 1euro so I decided to take the bag with me inside the gym walaupun tak dibenarkan. Sapa suh locker tu gila telan duit saya!

After I'm done at the gym, felt like going to town. But because I'm dressed up too sloppy for town and the smell isn't that pleasant too, so I decided to just stopby at Wilton Shopping Centre. Situ takpe dah biasa pun pergi busuk-busuk beli barang kat Tesco :P Went to Penneys tapi takde benda menarik untuk dishoppingkan. Went to Neulook, fell in love with another pair of sandal (I have bought one 2 days ago) and since the 20% discount will finish tomorrow, I decided to buy it. Sekarang memang tengah bernafsu sandal je haishkk. Takpe-takpe, kasut-kasut ni lah yang bakal dipakai sepanjang saya berada di Malaysia nanti :)

the first pair that I bought 2 days ago..

the one that I bought today. tengok2 je dah jatuh cinta jadi terpaksa beli

weee..tak sabar mo balik and pakai!

Before balik singgah Tesco to buy more bananas and cooking oil. Balik, shower, prayed and cooked for dinner. Similar dinner again, since I wanted to finish up the leftover food from Friday.

Mashed, coleslaw and chicken fajita. Y'day I used chicken burger but today I used a chicken fillet. Itu je bezanya..

Ahhh..takkan 40 hari lagi duduk sorang-sorang 40-40 hari nak update sebegini?? HAHAHA most prolly, most prolly. We'll see how it goes nanti. Semoga healthy lifestyle ini berterusan sehingga hari ke40. Amiiin.....

Sekarang ni dah bosan tatau nak buat apa. Wanted to watch Korean movies, started few minutes tapi bosan dah. Takde Rain atau faktor-faktor yang buat saya nak tengok movies tu jadi tak semangat sangat. Haishkk..harap-harap ada la cerita best yang bisa membuka hati saya nak tengok. Adamaya? Starting to watch Grey;s Anatomy, House and Gossip Girl again? hmmm...

Survivinf first day

How was my day today? Hmmm..not too bad. After goodbye-ing Wany, I went on upstairs trynna fix my camera. It fell on its lens yesterday T___T Managed to shut the lens but it still wouldn't work properly without having me to push the lens into its place. Might have to send it for repair later.

I fell asleep and about 9 or so Adilah and Alya woke me up since they are going back (they spent the night at my house after the party) Siap hantar diorang semua I went to sleep until 2. Bangun2 golek2 atas katil wondering what should I do. Went downstairs kemas2 dapur, had 2-3 spoons of the leftover coleslaw and ate some honeydew I bought yesterday. Suddenly felt like going to gym..smayang Zohor and went to the gym at 3.45.

At gym I went on doing things I normally do. Weight training for 5 mins, cross trainer 25 mins and bicycle 10 mins. Itu pun paksa-paksa diri buat jugak lama-lama because I spent almost 30 mins walking from home to the gym pastu takkan plak nak spend 10 minit je kan kat gym. Buang karan je.

On the way back home I met my junior and borak-borak kejap. Headed back home, lepak2 kejap, turun buat dinner. Just realized I haven't really ate anything much today. Wahh kalau trend seperti ini diturunkan selama sebulan buleh kurus neh. But..knowing me, I don't stick to this way of life that long. Awal-awal ni tengah depress ye la rajin je pergi gym malas nak makan smua. Tapi tapi I really hope I could continue this as long as possible.

leftover mashed potato and coleslaw from yesterday and I made simple chicken fajitas

Tapi sekarang ni baru pukul 9 lebih. Kaki dah sakit-sakit. Perut dah lapar balik. Mata dah ngantuk gila. Ohh tak sabar nak tunggu maghrib nak semayang lepastu mau tidoooooooo

hahah boring gile post. kthxbai

Home Alone!

It has been 3 years since we've "became family"...how time flies..

Wany just left home for Malaysia this morning. I am officially home alone from now until June 25th. Luckily we had a small get together yesterday..the laughs and the fun we had, had somehow comforted me from this misery.

40 days to go. Justtt 40 days to go girl. Hey girl u go girl. Let's do this right, alright?

Gigi penting untuk phonetics (gile padahal perenggan berkaitan dgn tajuk ada satu je)

Sebelum tu nak senyum dulu.... =) =) =) Saya baru bangun tido neh. Bestnye oiiii...Tenangggg je dapat tido petang balik-balik kelas. Takyah baca-baca buku ishhhhh bahagianya~ Stress pagi tadi hilang macam tuuu je bile petang balik dapat bersenang lenang. Haishk...

Pagi tadi bile bukak laptop tibe-tibe Macbabe keluar gambar Harddisk, tak load-load. My heart literally stopped the moment I saw that. I switched it off again and tried to turn it on again. Alhamdulillah berjaya pun dia start up secara normal. Tak boleh ok...tak boleh. Di kala saya bakal duduk seorang sebulan ini I really need you to get my life going babe. Please don't leave me...Please!!!!

Lepastu balik kelas tadi I went to Summerstown Store - the place where we buy our halal chicken etc. Lepastu pakcik pekedai itu adalah begitu kekurangan gigi sekali sangat memayahkan komunikasi berlaku. He lost almost all of his lower anterior so his pronunciations are a bit weird. That got me thinking how am I gonna survive next year bila dah start working on dentures. Mesti akan jumpa lebih ramai orang tak bergigi. Nak survive Irish accent bile diorang cakap laju pun tak dan lagi inikan pula nak survive Irish accent cakap laju yang dicakap oleh orang tak bergigi. My oh my....

Haaaa oklah tatau nak cakap apa lagi. Berkecamuk dah perenggan-perenggan tak berkaitan langsung. My bro is going back home tomorrow. Bestnyeeeeeeeeeee. Hwaaaaaa saya ni je lambat lagi nak balik. Hwaaaaaaaaaaaaa..Eyjafjaflajokull (ejaan belasah tak check google), be good ok? Let me go back to my loved ones ok nanti?

Kamu-kamu yang balik Malaysia lagi awal dari saya nanti, jgn suka-suka banyak dulu eh before saya balik? Nanti saya balik kamu dah bosan suka-suka...

Done with the nasty part :P

Hullo hullo hullo...I am done with the WRITTEN exams baby! So how does it feel? Hmmm...lega lah sikit. I have another nasty exam coming up on the 4th of June - OSCE. In OSCE, you need to think fast, you need to act fast. You need to come out with the answers in 5 minutes which for me hmmmmm...is quite hard? I seriously hope I don't messed up the communication station. The breaking bad news station. Hwarghhhh really need to speak moaaar now.

Pathology paper today? Let' just say, I walked out from the exam hall feeling a bit relieved. Now that indicated one good thing and one bad thing. The good thing with the relieved feeling is, I might find the paper quite okay. A lot of questions are hard, but still hentam-able...ya know what I'm sayin'? BUT the bad thing is, speaking thru experiences, whenever I walked out feeling okay and not stressing, the results were almost always not really good. sighhhhhhhh. This is so scary. Let's just pray that I pass everything safely. Please, no Autumn resit paper for me please?

Anyhoo I can stay away from the books for about a week or two since OSCE will only be in another 2++ weeks. Takdelah sakit gluteus maximus lagi duduk atas kerusi 12-13 jam sehari. Kurang lah sikit penat balik dari kelas kena study semua. My classes - pros labs and OTL are still going on until probably 3rd week of June? Still have to get up early on mornings of Wednesday Thursday Friday.

The next thing I have to endure is seeing my housemates leaving for Malaysia one by one. Dayah is going back on Thursday, Kak Iera on Friday and Wany on Saturday. So..sadistic right? Leaving me all alone and miserable in this house in this country. Good thing is I can start on my diet plan again. Dah kata duduk sorang-sorang kan insyaAllah I can control what I wanna eat. Mungkin patut lebih rajin ke gym after this. Mana tau boleh jumpa mamat hemsem ke. Haishkk...niat je dah tak betul.

Oh today we had BBQ to celebrate the end of our exams organized by my class rep, Jill. It's the first time ever I joined this kind of social event with my classmates. Ye, eventhough I've been here for like 3 years already I'm still living in comfort zone, takde pun bersosial sangat selalu bersama mereka.

I made a bread butter puding with choc spread because I remembered when I lived with Irish housemates 2 years ago, they really enjoyed it. Takkan nak buat sambal belacan pulak kan nangis pulak diorang nanti. I'm glad they all liked it. Tatau lah puji sebab nak jaga hati ke ape tapi they kept saying it was good la. Ada nak mintak resipi. Ada siap kata lagi sedap dari mak dia buat. Haha ok ok we geddit Nadz tak perlu puji diri sendiri lelebih.

Tapi of course la gua rasa..apa itu..canggung? dengan diorang. Tak biasa kan bersosial luar kelas so I jadi nervous sikit. Takpe-takpe..one step at a time. Moga-moga lepas ni dah tak kelu-keli lagi :)

MEMANG SUMPAH KENA PERGI GYM SELALU SEKARANG

all the girls now..eeeh? tibe-tibe ada Neil! haha..

To the greatest person on earth

Happy Mothers' Day, mak :')

Bagai kerdipan lilin yang berkilau, bercahaya
Menggantikan mentari terangi malam nan gelita
Membakar diri memberikan cahaya
Membiar diri musnah terlebur
Berkorban segalanya penuh rela

Biar dimamah arus usia
Tidak pernah kenal derita
Bagai sungai kasih yang mengalir
Tiada penghentiannya, tak bertebing

Duhai ibunda kaulah anugerah istimewa
Berkorban jiwa raga redahi hidup nan mencabar
Berusaha dan sabar dalam mengharungi derita
Hidupmu penuh ranjau meniti kepayahan yang tiada kesudahan

Tidak sekali mengharapkan dibalasi permata
Cukup engkau rasa bahagia
Lihat anak-anakmu berjaya
Kau penawar hati duka
Walau hatimu terluka
Engkau ibu engkaulah bapa
Pabila ayah tiada

Hanya Tuhan saja yang dapat membalas jasamu
Kerana Tuhan saja yang tahu penderitaanmu
Wahai bonda

Don't stop believing, hold onto that feeling

I don't know whether I'm being extra emotional because of all of this exam stress or what but today I felt so touched when looking at our patient's oral cavity. :')

A few months ago she came in with quite a bad oral hygiene, with extensive caries, calculus, plaque and all those unpretty things. It was quite bad that our supervisor had me and my partner both working on her so we could get her to come every week since she needed a lot of things to be done on her mouth. First time she came, she even need an L/A for scaling because she couldn't really tolerate the pain because the gum was badly inflamed.

The second time she came for treatment, there wasn't much improvement since the first time. We couldn't do much scaling during the first visit so when she came for the second time the plaque accumulated again. We laid out treatment plan and gave out detailed oral hygiene instruction to her. However, it is quite understandable as she is quite susceptible to plaque accumulation according to her social history and medical history.

It has been her 4/5th visit, and today we could see a lot of improvement. Looking at the composite resin filling that I did on her even moved me. wakaka..emo tak pasal2. I admired my supervisor's skill on associating how their lives as mothers (she's a young mother anyway) and get the patient to understand how important it is to brush your teeth correctly. The patient went away with smiling face, different as compared to her first treatment.

Seeing things like this had somehow given me strength to go on in this course. Yes, people out there might think we, dentist could never save lives. But I'm happy to know my not-saving-lives contribution mean something to my patient. I would love to help to improve one's quality of life and self-esteem.

This is not an essay to get me accepted for a scholarship ke ape. It's just one of those thing that I had to highlight and reflect to remind me I WANT and CAN do this. You see my motivation is so falling apart now. Really needed something to get me going on. Never that I thought life could be this hard but I know He wouldn't give me something that I can't tolerate, no?

Haha bencilah emo emo gini. Padahai sebnanye ni sebab stress nak exam and homesick tahap apa je ni. Surrounding atmosphere is not helping either. Had there been sunshine all the day or rainbow after the rain life could be better, yes?

Done with pharmacology

Pharmacology Exam, Mini Restaurant, UCC


Free stress ball was distributed outside the exam hall today. hehe...took one just in case I need something to relieve my stress to.

Paper starts 2pm sharp. The questions? Hmm...here and there it's predictable but never thought that major topics like CVS and NSAIDs and those from ANS and CNS weren't there. Like seriouslyyyy I predicted at least NSAID question will be asked. Ada mmg ada but it was on DMARDs. A small topic which has like 4-5 slides out of our 40++ note slides. Like whaaaat?

Anyway a few of the questions I predicted was out la. Local anaesthetics. Antimicrobial. I didn't expect they will recycle last year's Diabetes Mellitus/hypohyperthyroidism but luckily I've tried the questions before.

Last week I emailed the lecturer in charge for marking our paper regarding question on oral toxicity. She replied my email on Saturday with quite detailed explanations on how to outline the answers and all and guess whattt....There was actually question on oral toxicity T___T Tapi I find it quite hard even after she explained how to answer the question in detail. Because it involved many classes of drug so I just don't wanna get myself confused :-S

However eventhough the questions are quite okay, I think the time is too short X( 3 questions to be answered in 90 mins. I spent the first 15 mins to draft my answer. I need to do that because towards the end I'll be very nervous and couldn't think straight. So I had like 25 mins to answer each questions which is soooo not enough. Tangan nak lenguh-lenguh lagi. Nak kena pause cari ayat lagi. Wuwuwuuwuw....I hope I presented my answers well. Ya Allah, lembutkanlah hati pemeriksa saya and murahkan lah hati dia bagi saya markah banyak-banyak...

Balik-balik bile fikir balik everything, I don't know...it's quite scary. Did I answer good enough? How far should I explain about the drugs and all? How long should I write?wuwuwuwu..tak tenang until I pour water on my tissue roll instead of my mug T____T

Anyway I still have to work on my next paper - Patho. God knows how long I haven't been in touch with the notes. I hope I'll manage to do well in those papers.

Tapi tatau lah summer exam this time around takde feel sangat pun. Like..you can't feel the excitement at all. Dah abis satu paper pun takde rasa lega ke apa. Maybe because I know after this exams I'm still not done yet. Still got practicals & the exams, clinics, oral and OSCE. Done with the summer exams only means I'm done with 60% of my 3rd year. Still got long way to go :-( Unlike before, after exams dah takde apape exam lagi dah. Even better during first year after exams dah bleh terus balik rumah dah.

Yesterday I looked at my summer ticket and almost cried looking at the date. Still long way to go. Still many things to be done. And yet, my strength & energy is so close to being empty already.

Adik-adik, if you think you wanna study oversea, think again. If you think you wanna take dentistry because it looks easy, think again and again. What you see, ain't really what you have to go through.

Because during exams I love to crap, and I love to let the pictures do the talking

As y'all know, my Written Summer Exams starts tomorrow...

Written only eh. I've still got one OSCE and one compulsory oral, one OTL and one Pros lab practical exam to go...

The flowers at our backyard start to bud off. So yeopo. So pretty. So pink...and yellow.

Kalau tak study terasa stress pandang bunga akan dengar mereka bersorak kata "go go, you can do it. Be....agressive. Be! Be! Agressive!"

I didn't know flowers make such a good cheerleader team.

Before I crap too much and starts to abandon my revision, I'd better stop here. I'll leave you guys with this pretty badass boy.

Good luck to all UCC students. May The Force be with us. Remember to be....aggressive! Be! Be! Aggressive!

Bile kitorang takde kerja

Done monthssss ago out of boredom. Check it out!

Homesick, secondary to exam stress

Wuwuwuwuwuuwwwww.....I'm so scared. I wanna go home :'(

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku.

Ber taaaaaa haaaaaannnnnn

Too long to be tweet-ed, too short of a blog post

Note to self : otak saya tak de la berapa pandai. masa saya tak banyak. So let's try not to be sad if you've been left out from the fun okay. Kau tu memang tak fun orangnye pun. ha di ha ha. It's okay, things will be fun if you future is securely fun.

p/s : Maka bersabarlah kamu dengan kesabaran yang baik ;)

Sabar penghilang penat tekun membawa dekat lolwut?

The title was found when I googled "peribahasa penat" lol

Today I did my second filling for my patient. Lower right first molar, distal and occlusal surface. Hence, it was my first time giving out inferior dental block (local anaesthesia). I was lucky the patient had quite a visible mucosa fold so I didn't had trouble finding spot for the injection. However, my patient was quite sensitive to pain, so when the injection was given she kinda "shrieked" and shocked me a bit. Hahaha ini lah dia budak baru belajar. Patient takut dia pun nak nervous -___-"

Antara landmark yang digunakan untuk cari spot for injection. Huhuhu...menggeletar sikit la tangan saya tadi tapi tak senervous first injection dulu la.

Yesss inilah rupe almost exactly gigi yang saya work on tadi! Molar, distal occlusal surface

The second challenge was to put the rubber dam plak. Rubber dam ni in my experience yang tak seberapa ni adalah part agak mencabar especially bila patient ada calculus or plaque in between tooth and the gum is inflamed. Bila letak the clamp around the tooth, mula lah darah nak keluar dengan berbondong-bondong. Tadi in the end lecturer saya yang buatkan sebab the contacts are tight and the patient had to use a different clamp.

Gambaran macammana rubber dam terletak dalam mulut. Untuk asingkan gigi yang nak dikerjakan dari gigi lain dan juga nak elakkan dari patient tertelan bacteria/foreign materials

Rubber dam 101 : clamp refers to the metal on the left hand side. Benda tu macam nak retain the dam supaya terletak kat gigi la. Clamp tu sebenarnya kepit gigi yang diletakkan so kadang-kadang bila dia terkepit gusi dia berdarah. Kalau gusi inflamed (bengkak?) pun susah jugak nak kepitkan clamp tu sebab dia kacau bahagian sekeliling gigi tempat letak clamp tu.

The dental chair was giving me so much trouble today. The water that should be sprayed out when I was drilling using my fast handpiece did not came out. The handpiece kept falling off the place. Last2 I had to use the slow handpiece and it slowed down the drilling process. Cessss...buang masa je ulang alik panggil the nurses to fix the fast handpiece yang akhirnya rosak balik.

Because of the complications, the session was dragged down for more than 3 hrs and towards the end, the patient has started to feel the pain already. You see the local anaesthesia is "designed" to work at short duration and the fact that the patient has low tolerance to pain makes thing harder. Nasibla I am done with the "nasty" part, tinggal nak restore the tooth with resin composite je tapi ada jugakla the part where we had to put matrix band around the tooth dia terpaksa tahan sakit sikit. Nampak jugakla mata dia berair wuwuwu....patutnya tak sakit sangat pun..Patut rasa dia macam selitkan floss gigi tapi sebab the patient had quite a serious gingivitis and extensive caries, so their lebih sensitive la kalau selit-selit benda celah gigi.

matrix band diwrap sekeliling gigi supaya kita dapat restore gigi kepada rupa asal. kira dia jadi macam acuan supaya materials tak terkeluar-keluar la gitu.

Anyway berjaya jugak siapkan everything eventhough the session ended at 1 and only the 4 of us left in the clinic (me, my partner, my patient and my supervisor) Penat wohhh...Tak sempat nak balik lunch kat rumah as I had prosthetic lab later in the afternoon. Pastu kat pros lab plak banyak plak benda kitorang buat at the lab today so we didn't take our usual 30 mins break so we could settle everything. Luckily by 4.15 or so we are done with everything and can go back already.

Balik-balik tu rasa sangat penat seperti mahu menangis..I had french toast, tunggu Asar, and slept straight away lepas semayang. I can feel that I'll be easily irritated had I not slept away the tiredness. Ada gak yang tibe-tibe nak emo bukan-bukan. lol lol lol. Bangun-bangun ni baru rasa okay sikit lepastu siap ada dinner pula boleh dimakan tak payah makan maggi ini hari (we don't have cooking turns for Friday-Sunday)

Takpelah wok...takpe. What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. Rakyat Malaysia, kepenatan ini dedikasi saya untuk kamu. Duit kamu biaya saya datang belajar sini dapat merasa duduk obersea dan pergi melancong sana sini so I wouldn't mind sacrifice sedikit for y'all. Ecewwwahhh poyo nampak lempang nak?