Money is not everything...

But everything needs money, yes?

I hope everything gets settled soon. More than 2 people is suffering now. It's like a chain effect and this things start to get annoying now.

Have I stopped being emo?

sigggghhhhhhhh

Am I gonna keep on updating this blog or what? Where have I left you blog? You used to be my tempat menadah segala makian emo. Am I not that emotional now? Heck NO. It's just that I don't have time to entertain 'em?

Tak emo? My 4th Eid abroad and I'm starting to forget how does it feel like to be at home around this festive season. Tak emo? Mak is gonna go back to kampung on her own again, and not that many of her siblings are gonna be celebrating in Muar in first raya. Tak emo kau kata tak emo? Thinking about Mak going back to kampung alone this raya is heartwrenching enough. Tak emo? I can't bring myself to call Mak because I'm afraid I'm gonna cry like a streaming river. Tak emo? Tak emo tak emo? My first day raya is filled with Ortho lab and OTL. My baju raya is a filthy labcoat stained with plaster and melted wax that I forgot to take out when I was washing 'em in the morning and my second raya outfit would be a navy blue scrub that is worn together with 9 other of my groupmates. Tak emo kau kata tak emo? Every facebook status that screamed the happiness of going back to kampung, preparing stuff with the family and whatnots are like slitting my heart pieces by pieces. My last few days of Ramadhan was filled with worries on clinical stuff, patients, getting used around 4th year and rearranging and organizing my life.

Anyhow as I said before I'm too busy rearranging my life and stuff.As class started last Monday I began to feel more and more panicked and the pressure is building up. I am still going around tryna get used to everything and I know it's going to take time. There are so many new things in 4th year. So many things to grab and to catch up and I'm already feeling suffocated already. Hopefully things would fall into places as time goes by.

Last Sunday I came out with crazy decision to sell in the Bazar Ramadhan. Well, there are a few reasons behind that decision. One of the biggest factor is I wanna keep myself occupied for the weekend so I would stop dreading about how am I gonna celebrate Raya here and getting sad thinking about Mak. I didn't tell anyone about this one particular reason coz it's just too complicated to explain. Mission accomplished, I was so busy preparing stuff and my energy drained out as expected. Nak kumpul duit untung buat beli tiket winter? Hell no man untung dia kalau pergi beli groceries sekali abis dah. But ssokay Alhamdulillah ada gak la untung sikit-sikit.

Anyhoo Anyhei Anyheyaheya ooo I think I'd be better stop now before I raage out of control and torn this beautiful last days of Ramadhan. Here's me wishing you all Selamat Hari Raya and may your Ramadhan this time around is one of your best. I hope mine is. I'm sorry this one post sounded so bitter I promise when things are better I'll come up with nicer words. Till then, Assalamualaikum

The call at eleven thirty

Yesterday I received a call at 11.30pm, no number, just call like that. I hate it because :

1. I have slept already. I hate waking up in the middle of the nite to take calls because I won't know what I've blabbed and I hate my own voice especially when I just woke up from sleep
2. I feared of emergency calls. You know those calls saying this and that people has passed away? Yeah, that kind of call
3. Because normally only calls that are emergency enough are made at that hour
4. And it's quite rude to send texts or make calls to people around that time unless you are close enough. Lagi-lagi kalau msg formal masuk. One time I received a text around 12 inviting for an event. I was woken up to that damn text and I almost send an angry reply. Nasib berjaya mengawal diri.
5. And the call I receive yesterday? The caller letak fon bila gua angkat. What the hell was that man?

Taking casual calls are a different story anyway. Kalau call kawan2 pukul 12 ke 1 ke that's acceptable coz you are sort of expecting that call. And you normally know your friend's number. BUT THIS IS CALLER WITH NO NUMBER FOR GOD'S SAKE BUAT CUAK JE OKAYYY.

People out there, please don't do like this to anyone anymore. Lebih-lebih lagi sekarang saya tengah paranoid because am receiving signs (dream, eyelid twitching) that something bad is coming up. Cukuplah diri dah stress kena duduk sorang-sorang don't add up my worrisome.

p/s : My phone credits are running low but I'm in no mood to top up these days so any text messages that are sent when I'm not in front my laptop tend to be ignored. Sebab kalau ada ngan laptop I can send web text msg.

Kthxbai

Nadz, 5.34am,

Mencoba untuk bertahan

Perasan tak, kalau satu hari tu diri dah start bengang dengan satu benda, the resentment snowballs make you one angry person at the end of the day.

And sunggoh, saya risau sunggoh ni Pharm and Patho I can't seem to get the feel lagi. Bukan tak dapat feel nak exam. Feel nak exam memang dah dapat sangat-sangat. I don't know how to explain it....but I just can't seem to get myself into this subjects lagi. I kinda need to force myself to hold onto the notes. Kalau RD before ni I quite enjoyed jugakla studying the notes and all tapi kali ni taaakkkkkk...wuwuwuwu...Ya Allah bantulah hambamu innnniii..

Eh whatever lahh..like seriously whatever...like baby baby baby uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..like baby baby baby uuuuuu......

The song below goes to the man who has came into my dream TWICE as my fiance. I don't know who the hell are you but I know you in the dream before were the same you in last night's dream.

I might have to wait.

I'll never give up.

I guess it's half timing,

And the other half's luck.

Wherever you are.

Whenever it's right.

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

Life is nothing but a lulzzzzz..

Of chicken and duck

Ayam dan itik ialah pasangan klinikal di suatu universiti. Mereka ialah pelajar pergigian. Sebenarnya ayam dan itik ni asalnya bukan berpasangan pun tapi sebab sh*t happens, mereka digandingkan bersama. Things didn't go pretty well between both of them jadi ayam bersabar je lah dengan harapan suatu hari nanti things will be better.


Pada minggu lepas, selepas dipressure oleh penyelaras subjek klinikal mereka, akhirnya penyelaras kumpulan itik dan ayam membuat keputusan agar mereka bekerjasama merawat pesakit yang sama. Itik yang membawa patient itu dahulu maka ayam tidak berapa tahu menahu apa yang patient itu perlukan memandangkan pada masa yang sama ayam ada patient sendiri. Ayam hanya datang di akhir session only to be her helper, mengemas unit kerusi dan menulis history diagnosis dan treatment sheet. Tapi memandangkan ayam akan bekerja dgn patient tu ayam pun baca lah chart dan tanya-tanye penyelaras kumpulan apa yang patut mereka lakukan di masa hadapan. Ayam was pretty sure of what she heard and been told.


Jadi pada minggu hadapannya, sehari sebelum hari clinical mereka ayam tanya itik, bukankah mereka sepatutnya bersedia utk sterilize dengan alatan untuk menampal gigi pesakit mereka. Itik menidakkan dengan sehebat-hebatnya dgn begitu yakin sekali. Kali ni ayam beranikan diri cakap apa yang doktor itu cakap tapi dicantas hebat dengan itik dengan begitu confident. Ayam malas nak argue further sebab ayam tau things would only get worst if ayam were to utter other words. So ayam swallow her words and tried to keep her anger aside. Ayam balik rumah dengan perasaan marah yang membuak-buak nasib petang dan melepaskan geram pada pinggan mangkuk di rumah. Nasib petang tu makan ikan keli.


Pada hari klinikal, doktor datang dan mendapati itik tidak sterilize barang-barang yang diperlukan utk menampal gigi sebab dia yakin je dia takyah buat tu minggu ni. Doktor siap kata "didn't I told you last week we are going to do scaling AND fillings at the same time" Doktor mengeluh dan ayam hanya berdiam diri memandangkan itik yang yakin sangat dengan pendirian dia. Ayam rasa macam nakkkkk je cakap yang "I TOLD YOU SO!" dekat muka itik dan put the blame on itik like what itik did to her 2 months ago but ayam kept it to herself. Yes, sebelum ni itik ada buat salah dan dia blame ayam memang kurang asam sungguh.


Setiap kali ada konflik begini, ayam simpan harapan nak panggang je itik tu tapi ayam tetap bersabar. Mari sama-sama doakan ayam di kurniakan kesabaran yang berpanjangan sehingga akhir hayat. Amiin.

Of frustration and not being able to express it well :S

Now that I've been living on my own, I understand why mom always go furious everytime she goes back from work to a very untidy house. The tiredness from your work just doubles when things are out of places at your very own home.


I don't know since when did I develop OCD towards the toilet, kitchen and the living area. But I just do. LOL. Takdelah sepah dahsyat pun but it still need some cleaning to be done lah. Semalam dah kemas the plates and tupperware and whatnots. Today I settled the table, the stove and the cabinets annnnnd am going to settle the toilet later. Tomorrow I guess I'll finish off with cleaning the floor. This time around I have to do it stage by stage because I'm kinda occupied with school stuff jugak. Risau gila dengan pharmaco exam this March tadi tutorial agak terkebil-kebil la dengan few of the questions asked =S


Tapi bilik sendiri still takla sekemas mana. People who are close with me knows how messy my room would be, suprisingly I don't have OCD towards my own room. Boleh plak selectively caneh sukatilah . Sebab tu lah stress camni sana sini nak kena kemas kalau dari kecik dah perangai pengemas caneh takdelah make it a big deal cam skarang :P





P/S : I miss home :( Tadi saya masak ayam kicap kari because that is mom's specialties (beside asam pedas and kueytiow goreng. ohhh terliurrrrr)

Unhappy

You put on quite a show, really had me going. But now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing. That was quite a show, VERY ENTERTAINING.

BUT IT'S OVER NOW, GO ON AND TAKE A BOW

The hardest thing I'll ever have to do

So I think I've come to a decision. I think I might NOT going back this winter. Dah istikharah. Dah mimpi saya balik sekolah tengok rugby dan duduk kat asrama pagi tadi pun. Tapi..entahlah..


When I shared my dilemma on facebook, most of the people would choose travel over going back home. I don't know...I feel travelling just don't excite me anymore. Lagi-lagi tengok Europe ni..buildings buildings buildings and more buildings.


Nah ini untuk semua yang suruh sangat saya travel kesana kemari. This is for you all. Eventhough my heart is crying to go back home.


To all my SMSS friends, next year marks 10 years of our friendship did you realize that? I never regretted my decision to accept the offer to SMSS almost 10 years ago. The place where I learn the true meaning of friendship. The place where I met all my wonderful friends. I love you with all my heart.


To all my girlfriends. Thank you for staying there all this while. As much as I wanted to go back, things are just not meant to be for that, at the moment. How I wish you are with me now. Bleh gi jenjalan buat kerja gila. Kalau dengan korang, jalan-jalan kat Shah Alam pun boleh jadi happening :')


Jangan risau tahun depan I will think things thoroughly. Kalau saya nak balik saya akan plan awal-awal. Takkan susahkan siapa-siapa lagi..


Expedia, cepatlah naikkan harga. Biar tenang jiwa saya tak dapat tengok tiket murah untuk balik winter ni..Gosh I'm so sad!

till we meet again, sometimes later :(

p/s : I might just change my mind later. But for the time being, this is almost certain.

AMARAH

I am fucking pissed off. Gua patut ada banyak lagi cerita kat blog neh. tapi sebab beberapa hal tu gua bengang gile.


Misunderstandings really turn my world upside down. Sapa lagi sapa lagi nak misunderstanding. Meh ah ramai2 misunderstand lagi. Senang abis cite takde ah satu satu nak jadi. Sekali arung je senang


Mari lah mari mengurangkan kawan menambahkan musuh. Alangkan so called kawan baik pun bleh tersalah paham apatah lagi kawan biase2 tak baik mana pun.


Just don't break down yet nad. Just don't

When shitty feeling strikes

Result Patho dah keluar! Result adalah seperti gambar diatas sekian terimakasih.
Pesanan kepada diri sendiri : layan lah sangat sedih tu sebelum malam exam.

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

(author unknown)

p/s : My heart hurts the most when it comes to people that I care. But everybody in the world know it takes two to tango. I'm trying my best to convince myself to let go now.


Let's hope Imma get over this shits ASAP.