Empathy

Feeling a lil bit casuaaaal today so I wore my trainers to work today. One of those rare chances that I get because we are not wearing formal today. I wish I could wear these to work everyday without getting a stare. 

However, my already dead toenail finally gave up today. Cis disaat ni plak dia nak tercabut. It started with the left side only, I tried to rip it off the base but it hurts and started to bleed. Went to medical to get help.


This is where I learn empathy towards my patients. All this while I've been giving injections and doing extractions without exactly knowing how does it feel. I braved myself to watch the MA did the procedure on me despite being told not to do so.


LA (Local anaesthesia) injection was somewhat pain but unbearable. The painful moment starts when the needle is inserted and when he was trying to find the right angle to deliver the LA. The second painful moment is when he started to inject it. More of a pressure-pain because you are injecting liquid into tight spaces kot. I held on and watched him inserted the needle deep into my toe T___T


The pain got a bit too unbearable when he tried to pull the new nail growing beneath the dead and half-tercabut nail. My toenail is dead from the excessive pressure from my runs/hikes but I let it be because it didn't really bother me until today. Sakit dia sampai merengkot-rengkot bila dia tarik akar tu so I gave up and laid down. Baru ingat nak menguji pain threshold guess I wasn't that brave..


This is a lesson for me today. Now I understand how does my patients feel when I pull out their tooth. But seriously, merengkot-rengkot/stiffen your body doesn't help with the process so you gotta try to chill. Tapi memang susahlaa nak chill bila tengah sakit kan. Tadi pun I tried to control my breathing to calm myself tapi bunyi dah macam orang tengah nak beranak pulek..

Empathy is walking on other people's shoes. You'll never know the pain until you are in one. Watching one to suffer and sympathize is really not enough, you've got to empathize. 

Passed

Already pass the day so say no more to cranky lady. It is a curse that has been going on for years, I think.


This time around it messed around at such a wrong timing. I tried my best to calm the demon inside but it's just not holding up well. I tried my best. I tried, really. I avoided the phone so I don't have the urge to stir a fight. But it didn't last long.

I failed again this year :(

Negative

I am a very negative person - that, I got to admit. I always thought of the worst case senario. That's how I operate like. Dulu time result UPSR Mak asked me what did I think I will get, I told her 4A straightaway because I just don't want to keep the hopes up.


Sebab kalau jatuh dari tempat tinggi, sakitnya tuh disini double.


I'm always torn in between not getting your hopes high up or to always think of good stuff sebab kata-kata tu satu doa. But I really really really really hate being lied to, like being given false hope ke ape ke. Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with the lie. I can't promise I will be okay with the truth there and then tapi I think I will suffer more from the lie. Gitchew.


Tapi tula, di sebalik negativity, I am always, always hoping for the things I thought negatively, turn out to be the other way round. Pikir buruk tapi harap tak jadi buruk. Like buang expectation tamau tunggu ada orang nak ajak makan best time bday tapi disudut hati ada berharap sikit-sikit. Kahh. Dah dah la tu weh takyah berangan la fancy dinner berdua ke  ape tido je la banyak-banyak hope dapat mimpi macam tu :P

Tu lagi satu perangai pelik. I treat people the way I'd like to be treated. Lepastu when expectation not met, aku sentap sorang-sorang. But I'm gonna keep it tight to myself this time when I go sentap never ever force people to do things for you just because kau sentap or kau sedih. Swallow your sadness and put on your happy mask. People have to do stuff because they want to do it bukan they have to do it. I am a difficult person liddat. Sebabtu I always give options to people to walk away from me if they ever feel like fed up. Those who stays and bertahan I vow on my life will be for them no matter what. Contohnya my bestprengs. I would go extra miles for them if you make this one crazy woman feel happy and appreciated.


On the other hand it's almost to the end of July already and I still haven't brought my lazy arse to the gym. Bought a trial voucher for a gym in Groupon, ada lagi seminggu nak expired pun masih tak pergi lagi. I am hopefully should be done with my puasa 6 tomorrow lepastu boleh lah cuba drag this fatass ke gym.


In order to keep my fitness at an acceptable level, I have to register for runs. Aku takdela poipoi to call myself an avid runner ke a marathoner ke apa but I do it to beat my own personal record.  Plusbila ada run you would want to make sure your stamina is still there before the run. I entered 4 so far this year. 1 registered another 1 to be considered. Super, super disappointed with myself because I forgot to register for Rock to Run. The medal this year looks radd uwaaaa I iz so sad.


Bila nak lari Half Marathon I also don't know. Farthest I have gone is 12km. 16km tengah istikharah lagi. Yet to find a suitable run sebab semua nya Putrajaya Putrajaya Putrajaya. Menyampah iols. I also haven't registered for a 5km fun run yet this year just for the fun and just to test how fast can I go. Taktau nak register fun run apa. Last year I closed the year with this one fun run and for some reason malas gila nak abiskan run tu nasib la lari bodo-bodo dekat tasik je.  

Of gifts and MAEPS-MARDI Trail Run

I received early gifts for my birthday - one is something that I have been eyeing on for a while. Didn't really see that coming actually so I was surprised and happy. But one thing you should know about me is I value presence more than present. Dapat hadiah happy but would be happier with the presence so nak dua-dua ke ish  kah kah tamak kau ni. 

X

Oh well..

Ran for my second trail run in MARDI yesterday. Another demotivating run next to Penang Bridge last year. The route was definitely a tough one. 12km of going up and down the hilly trails. After a month of fasting with no workout at all, that was definitely a big shock to my muscles and fats -__-" Sepanjang lari tu I had Meghan's and Charlie's Marvin Gaye played in my mind for some unknown reasons. Sambil siksa-siksa naik bukit tu kepalaotak menyanyi lagu tu aneh sekali perasaannya..

Oh  morning of the run I set my alarm clock wrongly to PM instead of AM and only woke up when Z called. Kul 6.08am dia call terus bangun lompat mandi solat siap-siap. I couldnt really sleep the night before sebab tengah sedih lols.. Thank God the stomach worked well with me and I settled my number 2 before the run. Kalau tetengah lari tu sakit perut konfem memang give up je terus. Sped up to Serdang and only took me 20mins luckily the flag off was delayed for 20 mins!

I gathered some facts from my Garmin and Nike+ Running. I always run with these two with me just to compare the data. 

The maps. The elevations and the distance. 

This is from my Nike+ Running. Recorded a max elavation of 306m while Garmin recorded a max elevation of 319m. Took me around 2hours 30 minutes to finish the run. Stuck at the bottleneck area in between km 2 and km 3 for around 20minutes and took my own sweet time to climb up certain hills because I just don't have the energy to run anymore..

This elevation chart given by the organizer. Tengok naik turun dia pun dah menyumpah sebab seriously the trail really test your endurance and the ability to push yourself while avoiding cramps and excessive fatigue.

My heart rate monitor unhooked at the beginning of the run so that explains the red bar. Couldn't be bothered to hook it back I just took it off sebab takkan nak selak baju depan ramai-ramai orang tu pulak. Maka lupakanlah. Tapi comparing to data from my previous trail run which has the same distance and time ran I think I burnt around 1400-1500 kcal from this run. Or maybe lebih sebab heart rate increases more when I climb uphill therefore burning more calories? 

The one and only bottleneck area of the run is at km 2 - km 3 where we have to cross a small bridge (a titi actually). Can you imagine having more than 300 runners stuck at one area sebab the bridge can only be passed by one person at a time. Those who ran first and avoided the big group memang tak de la stuck tapi average runners like me would have to wait in the queue. Dahlah titi tu in between a slope down the hill and lepas cross kena naik bukit pulak. Maintaining your stability at the slope itself is enough to  put pressure on you knees. Menggeletar lutut 20 minit menahan nasib ada abang lembut lended his shoulder to lean on :')  

The view from the hill was quite nice. Tapi sebab penat and slightly demotivated I didn't take a lot of pictures. Except this one because I think the background was pretty stunning but the cameraman didn't quite capture the moment.,,

I was very disappointed with the organizer because they didn't provide isotonic drinks and only provided RO Seamaster water. I don't drink drinking water and don't really enjoy the taste of Seamaster. Luckily I brought my own 100plus and mineral water and thought to bring them just in case I need more water. Turned out I had to rely on the water that I brought myself. Rehydrated myself as necessary as possible because I always get cramps on my run lately. Alhamdulillah, I survived the run without cramps thanks to the 100plus I think? This is the first time I brought 100plus with me sebab trail run lari bawak beg so boleh lah nak pack macam-macam. Normal run biasanya bawak arm band je mana muat nak masuk botol air segala..


All in all I think this is the first and last time for me tu run at MARDI's trail kot. Hulu Langat's was way much better and fun than this one. 

Confidence

I have always been struggling with my confidence issue since forever.  Growing up fat, dark, gapped teeth, thick lips and simply not typical Malaysian-guys dream (skinny, fair-skinned, skinny girls) I always feel left out. I seek clarification from other people to see where do I fit in the society.


So I became a dentist. How cliche this could sound, one of the reasons I became one is to make sure nobody feels how I felt about myself when they have imperfections, and one should know a healthy smile really could boost up your confidence.


While I tried to lift up other people's confidence, mine fluctuated throughout time. I tried my best to correct what I don't feel good about myself. I tried to be less fat. I wore braces to close my gappy teeth. I tried some beauty products to patch up my dark skins. At some points of my life where I have people close to me and made me believe that I am not as valueless as I am, my confidence remained high.


The past 1-2 years up until a few months ago were one of my best moments where I think I picked up my confidence again and I do feel appreciated since 2010. I was one happy person.


However as I depended so much on other people's view to boost my confidence, they also could easily destroy me as they walk away from my life. As weird as it sound my weight increases when I am unhappy. Each time a person that I am really closed with walk out of my life, they made me question my worth.


Currently, I think I am a boring person to hang out with. It would be embarrassing to walk with me cause I am one fat and ugly person. Yada yada I am at my lowest of the low again.


People said confidence is sexiest part of one person. I hope one day i get to be that sexy person.


I am talking rubbish again. Better stop now before it got worst..

Frustration

When somebody become the exact thing that you hoped they don't be, it's very upsetting.

But I'm currently adopting a policy where I will go silent every time I'm upset. Well, it doesn't really affect me because whether I speak up or not, the outcome is still the same it's not like the other party will care about how I feel. But I go numb so that I don't speak the words that hurt the other party. At least I will be the only one hurting from inside, other people can enjoy their life.

My silence is golden for others, but cancerous for me. Pretty sure I'll die a slow death from swallowing this if I don't practice a zero fuck policy soon.

Of raya and raya

Raya this year is merrier than the previous year because most of my aunties and uncles are back. Iols is happy =)

Was supposed to leave for kampung only on the day before raya sebab last day tu dapat half day kul 12 boleh balik so ingat nak jimat cuti. On Monday Cikpi called me and managed to convince me to take a leave on Wednesday and balik kampung earlier. So balik lah iols on the Wednesday's night, Traffic was all smooth and clear so yes, boleh consider kawen dengan orang kampung Johor kahkah macam lah ada calon. Reached Muar around 230am, met the others at bando Muo for sahur. And finally reached kampung around 4am.

I slept from 5-8am and the preparation started. As always whenever makpah is around, her rendang is a must have dish. And the preparation takes agesss. Because the expert wasn't up yet, we had to light the fire ourselves. Menggagau la kehulu kehilir nak buat api. Sabut kelapa bakar paper segala and lastly tiub beskal jugak does the trick. Most challenging part of makpah's rendang is the reduction process of the santan from full size of the kuali until half. Ajegile nak menunggu eh tak boleh tinggal takut berkerak hangus. We took turns and luckily we had the bibiks to take over when the sun was up and shining bright like a diamonddd. Tapi sebak sikit bila Uncle Mazlan it's about time I inherit Makpah's rendang job sebab depa semua dah tua. Sedih please :( The rendang took almost 12 hours to be fully ready haha masakler nak take over the job lepas ni.

The rendang at it's 12th hour of cooking. . Bayangkan la santan tu dari penuh nak tertumpah keluar kena jadi half the size.

Soon after I'm off the shift to stir the santan I joined the dapur team to prep the ingredients. Potong daging la bawang la. InsyaAllah, if I ever get married and have mertua with expectations of having the menantu nolong kat dapur I hope with the training given by my makciks I'll be prepared. Makcik-makcikku ni macam petir mana boleh tak buat-buat sibuk kat dapur tu. Kahkah. We prepared dishes for ngunjung (a tradition where we send/exchange lauks to the neighbours around us - neighbours tu adelah dalam 20 rumah ok). Usual dish prepared - nasi himpit, sambal ikan bilis, rendang, ayam ungkep.

Managed to escape for a while around 2pm ikut cikwa pergi Parit Sulong beli ais. Itu pun kejap je lepastu kena join balik the team. 3g connection in kampung was almost none so we had to go to Parit Sulong. Hari-hari mesti ada trip gi Parit Sulong bersama team cari line. 

As always every year Cikwa tokey mercun and we had the annual lawan mercun 4 penjuru. Berdentam-dentum bunyi love-hate relationship betul iols dengan mercun ni loved the thrill but hate the sound sebab iols lemah jantung senang terkejut. 

Aleesya enjoying the bunga api. Tak padan kecik budak ni berani gila..

The 128 das fireworks!

On the raya day itself sebab tahun ni ramai balik so pergerakan lambat sikit. Tak sempat nak salam tetamu dah sampai nasib dah standby cawan kuih dekat depan. Soon after the first entourage left we quickly had our salam raya and photog sessions. Meriah sikit sebab the cousins are all teenagers now so memang never ending jugak la photog session.

Le familia

Perasan teenagers join depa in the line T_____T

Mak-mak pun nak jugakk kasi la  can 

Food management pun was pretty good this year by the time petang 1st day raya lauk raya dah almost settled. Maktip and I proceeded with projek nasik beriyani. CikAris did the daging beriyani and itu memang secret recipe habis semua benda dia letak dalam tu sedap nak mamps. Alhamdulillah our nasi beriyani kukus was a success despite Maktip's claim that it's a bit bland. Apa lagi smash la setepet darah tinggi kencing manis segala. 

Lepastu Uncle Mazlan ajak pergi Parit Jawa on 2nd raya and we bought fish because we think we had enough of the dagings. Siang tu I decided I can't go anymore with the daging so makan nasik telur kicap je. Ummm dap dap! Malam 2nd raya tu dah keluar gi Muo makan mi bandung..3rd raya we went slightly healthy makan ikan bakar and ikan asam pedas je. Malam 3rd raya Uncle Azhar brought some prawns back from his kolam so we had udang masak tempoyak on the last day at kampung. Super yumms all the food at kampung balik terus insaf semalam naik bukit puchong 3 jam T__T

Terkandas

An early selamat hari raya for me...lols akhirnya terkandas.

Alhamdulillah I think I have tried my best to fulfil my azam Ramadhan this year.

Never missed a terawih. Managed to khatam Quran last Sunday. Chipped in a little for some needed person/group. Tried qiamullail. Speaking of qiamullail harini macam redup sikit kan? Pagi tadi nak pergi kerja hujan and until now it is still so cloudy an..calm. Thank God I managed to wake up at 3 despite sleeping a little late last night. Wah perasan la kau nak dapat lailatulqadar baru first year bangun malam..Pastu terbaca ni ;

Sayangnya, kita lebih terfokus melihat tanda-tanda mendapat Al Qadar pada alam, pada pokok, air dan lain-lain yang berada di luar diri. Sedangkan tanda mendapat Al Qadar itu ada pada diri sendiri. Bukankah mereka yang bertemu dengan malam Al Qadar amat bertuah kerana doa, taubat dan hajatnya “diangkat” oleh para malaikat lalu dimakbulkan Allah?Jadi, jika seseorang mendapat Al Qadar tentu jiwanya lebih tenang, akhlaknya menjadi lebih baik dan ibadahnya (sama ada habluminallah dan habluminannas) bertambah lebat dan hebat.

Wah sentap. Kihkih..

Whatever it is, I sincerely and humbly hope He would accept whatever ibadah I have done.

Dear myself in the next Ramadhan, I hope I could either at least equalize what I have done this year or take it up another notch. That is, if I still live up to next Ramadhan la..

Dan selepas ini akan jadi sunyi entah untuk berapa lama, semoga terdidik juga diri dengan sepi :(

Dikala malam sunyi sepi,,,

We have already entered the night of 25th Ramadhan. 5 more days to go. Wow. Cepatnya.


FB feeds have been flooded with pictures of craziness at some of the shopping hotspots. I myself was in Jalan Tar last night. Gila jampacked siap ada gaduh lagi drama tak tahan. Saja jalan cari pasal takdela beli ape pun teman orang je cari tudung. Tapi sempat la rembat satu tudung lepastu terbayang-bayang satu lagi tudung cantik yang tak dirembat. Typical perempuan. Had my shopping done last week. Bukan beli baju raya pun for me this time is the best time to buy my work attire at a very good price. Bought 5 pairs of good quality kurung for around 250 I don't think we can get this at other time..


Alhamdulillah I am also glad I managed to work on my another azam Ramadhan that is to wake up for Qiamullail on the last 10 nights. Tapi cheating sikit la malam ganjil je bangun in the middle of the night, malam genap solat after sahur before tunggu subuh je.


A workable tips for me to wake up at this odd hours is first of all your niat, your intention. Memang kena ada niat la before tidur. Sleep with your wudhu'. Lepastu before tidur tepuk-tepuk bantal and tepuk dada tanya selera; say your own name and cakap "N, bangun kul 3.15, bangun kul 3.15 ye" Lepastu of course kena la set alarm but insyaAllah dipermudahkan la nak bangun tu.


It has been 3 odd nights so far. Harapannya nak dapatkan lailatulqadar. Hari ke 21 and hari ke 23 haritu pun some have said that it is lailatulqadar because the signs were there. In my opinion, Allah rahsiakan supaya ade la usaha kita nak kejar on every 10 malam terakhir ni. Nanti kalau dah confident lailatulqadar malam 21 hari lain tak bangun malam pulak.


I think the last time I did Solat tasbih was aeon years ago. Rasanya time khemah ibadah sekolah rendah kot. Itupun rasanya time rakaat terakhir punya sujud tertidur terus. Hahah. Dulu khemah ibadah kena tidur kat dewan sekolah and being me, I'm never good at sleeping on different place on the first night. So malam tu tak tido bila kena bangun kul 4 memang dah lalok gila time tu. It was quite hard the first time but it gets easier as I go on.


Apapepun semoga semangat Ramadhan ni di carry on throughout the year, throughout life time. The best I could do for everyone around me is to pray for their wellbeing and healthiness. And the same goes for myself too.


Sekarang dah teringin maggi goreng senget pulak. Dang. 

Presence

I hope my presence in anyone's life I have been, a benefiting one. I hope I wasn't too much of a burden.


When I let people in my close circle zone, I will try to be the very best to them too. I will become extra sensitive. I will be a pain in the ass. But I will try to balance it out by trying to help them to their needs at any point of their life.


But one day when I turn insignificant, I hope I didn't leave with too much of a bad memories. Sedih pulak rasa when you enter one's life just to leave them with lessons not good memories.


It's the last Friday of Ramadhan. This time around, I'm truly dreading its departure. It comes with plenty of opportunities to get your prayers heard or materialized. Til this day, I have been standing strong with the thought that He is listening to my prayer and He is preparing something good for me.


I've got 2 and a half juzu' to go. Hoping I could finish it before Aunt Flo comes.


Rindunyela nak borak-borak kosong macam dulu. Sigh..

Sailang si bas kilang

It rained cats and dogs this morning at around 6. While it would be heavenly to be under the duvet still and fly to lalaland, it would be disastrous if I'm stuck in the traffic or worst, in the flood. So I woke up 5 mins earlier to work.


The first 2km was okay until I arrived at the forever busy Hicom intersection. Much to my annoyance the traffic light was out! Looking at the situation it was almost impossible for me to pass through the traffic light because the people from the left seemed to be conquering the road and never let us pass!


Then I saw this bas kilang. I have been observing a lot..and bas kilang drivers - they don't give a rat shit about other drivers. Kalau diorang nak sailang diorang sailang. Kalau diorang nak jalan diorang langgar aje. I once saw a bas kilang rammed onto a new Honda City and did not stopped! The right back door of the Honda is pretty dented and the driver and other motorcyclists have been honking to him. Tapi dia relax je buat dek and jalan bila the traffic light is green. Mak also told me, me late dad advised him never to mess with the bus and lorry drivers because they won't stop if they do any mistake. Negligence in work, affecting their company's insurance bla bla so they would rather just leave you in misery.


So knowing how langsi they are (wah langsi! pandainya aku guna ayat ni!) I got an idea to sneak behind the bus closely. My guess was right. In the stream of cars from the left not giving way, bas kilang managed to break through! Kena selit-selit sikit but he managed to do it. And being the clever (masuk bakul angkat sendiri kbai) driver I was, I managed to follow the bus closely and pass the almost impossible bump-to-bump cars.

The road was all clear after the congestion because everybody else is still stuck lulz. Managed to reach work quite early today. Tapi federal highway to the other side was jammed pack kesian gila orang nak pergi kerja tu. 

Begitulah cerita harini. Kesimpulannya, hari-hari biasa menyumpah bas kilang sebab suka sailang. Tapi harini dia hero sebab kasi lepas jam. Lulz..

Just another day..

Dalam hati, dalam otak, berperang-perang fikiran merewang-rewang. Punya sampai satu tahap aku fikir - I must have done something wrong to be treated this way.


And for today aku cuma boleh pujuk diri. Tak apalah. Nak buat macammana. Mana boleh paksa orang keep on kawan dengan kau. You can't, you just can't.


Bertabahlah duhai hati :}

Kereta oh kereta

I am in the mood where I feel like buying a new car. Once in a while perasaan tu datang. Speshly bila kereta baru buat hal (masuk banjir, tayar pancit) walaupun sebenarnya benda tu boleh je jadi dekat kereta baru mahupun lama.


My car is a hand-me-down from abang. So it's technically not my personal choice. It is a 6 years old car and it has traveled a heck lot. With abang, V has traveled KL-Terengganu-KL quite frequently for a good few years and with me, V traveled 323km every weekend, for 2 years. Its mileage is over 260,000km now my oh my..And because we live up the legacy of our parent, we drive our car almost to its full potential and are very notoriously known as very impatience drivers kahkah okay bawak laju je parent's legacy tak penyabar masalah sendiri.


I recently notice the change of performance in V. It could be aftermath of the banjir tragedy. It could be the aging process. Yesterday I was having my fast-drive-radio-fullblast therapy and noticed when it hit 160-170km/h it's not as smooth as it used to be. Back then when I was still traveling. V could go up to 180km/h and still going on steady. Kalau ikut kepala gila semalam memang nak tekan 180-190 just to test its limit tapi sebab lalu highway selalu ada polis I tried to behave.


V saya comot. Tintednya sopak-sopak. Luarnya lopak-lopak. Radionya usang. Interiornya kotoq bak ang. Tapi saya sayang V sangat-sangat. Dulu kalau stress mesti pecut laju balik Johor. Kalau tengah sedih masuk cd Amy Winehouse pasang kuat-kuat singalong. Lepastu bila dengar lagu-lagu yang trigger airmata, menangis lah saya menderu-deru dalam kereta. V dah pergi ke utara ke selatan ke timur ke barat. V jadi saksi kisah suka duka. V has also been the witness of my hanky panky little secret. Sekarang mesti dah off limit and I kinda miss it because I enjoyed doing it very much so hmm mesti aku sorang je rindu sebab you don't need me anymore kahkah ok ok behave behave tengah puasa ni..


So bila fikir balik, with the unstable economy and my own financial status might as well stick to V as long as I can. Baik save up and buy my dream car when my financial status permits.Audi has always been my favourite choice and I am not into hatchback car. Rasa macam tikus mondok kecuali VW Golf GTI itu cantik. Tapi that's just personal choice la bukan la tahap tamau naik kete hatchback ke apa.  Maybe I need to start forking up money to give V a little touch up here and there. OKlah pendamkan je la perasaan nak beli kereta baru tu lah ye?

Hitting the halfway mark

It's July already and we are hitting the halfway mark through Ramadhan tomorrow. Time passed by pretty fast I guess. Turning another year this month and I am so dreading it coz for some reason I made my birthday a big fuss and will become upset upon certain things. Well we'll see tahun ni macam mana pergi dia. Expecting nothing for this year anyway so I should just really distract myself well from expecting or waiting.


As far as Ramadhan goes, finally get to have mine done fully at home. I have always been away since the past..erm..14 years (?) so this is the first one I'm having it at home. Nothing special. There are days where I have to breakfast alone coz mak is on duty surau. Buka ja apa-apa pun oats ngan telur pun jadilah. And I never ever been to bazar Ramadhan for even once. Tak Malaysian betul kahkah tapi seriously malas. There was one time I really wanted a karipap sardin so I made my own instead  of buying it at bazar. Gigih abis tapi teringin gak actually nak pergi..we'll see la how.

I work on certain nights but  there aren't too many patients so I have ample time for terawih on my own and Quran recital. Alhamdulillah reaching juzu' 20 already and so far never missed terawih even if I have to do it on my own. Haritu tragedi sadis tayarku pancit pun balik malam-malam gagahkan jugak terawih. Eh show off ke ape ni tak tak I just want to remind myself maybe after this maybe years after this if I ever go astray remember how I used to be. Besides I am my own blog reader ye know.


Other than that, same 'ol same 'ol jiwa kacau hatiku risau. Really having hard time recovering now. All I can do now is doa doa doa. May He grant me with abundance of patience to deal with this.