Nangis :/

It has been a hell if a day I need to let it out.

This week they were only two of us on duty. Me and the boss. One went for holiday, the other one on maternity leave and the other one's son is sick. The boss is kind enough sama-sama turun padang buat treatment but at times she has some management stuff to be settled too. So I was left alone doing patients.

Trust me it gets tiring. To pull off a smile is very hard. And sometimes pt comes with lots of questions and lots of problems that I can't solve. I can try to provide a solution. But sometimes they come all prepared with "Googled" solutions and claim they have such and such problem and it gets hard to convince them it's not like what they expected/Googled.

Sigh.

Camtu baik belajar dari University Google je penat dulu belajar jauh-jauh homesick segala :/

And sometimes when too many questions fired I just can't articulate an ideal answer so I might come of as a person with lack of communication skill. I'm a human too, you know. And each day I see more than 30 patients with 30 different problems. It's really...tiring.

Now I really am sad and frustrated with the remarks made. Feels like I failed big time.

Sedih :/

Short-tempered driver

I think I am a very short-tempered driver. I mean, not the ones who always drive wrecklessly on the road but I hate being provoked. Another major, major pet peeves.

So yesterday I was driving to the cinema. My company came out with the statement that implies I am very impatience while I drive and that I need to chill a bit. Already slightly tersinggung with that statement, came an episode where I was being provoked by a young 02 guy ramming his old loud car behind me.

My bad for not letting him pass first while we pick our ticket but that the rempit was ruthless. Rude. I hate rude person. So I took my time while reverse parking my car that he had to wait, and he rammed his car impatiently. My company shot me a frustrated look for letting that happened. I was so sad after getting that look. Orang lain yang bodoh haku pulak dipersalahkan sebab layan orang bodoh.

I was really really sad with my company's remark of my attitude but not wanting to ruin the night, I suck it in and tried to let it go. Lagipun it could be our last movie together so I really don't wanna ruin it. Tapi sedih tau dapat pandangan yang macam tu :(

Guess I just gotta chill a bit and let orang bodoh be orang bodoh. Sigh.

On another note, I am trying to cherish every single chance that I get. Really getting closer now. Kalau ikutkan hati every moment I want to capture like it's gonna be the last but I'm afraid he does not favour it. It's like having only a few months to live and you wanna give your best. Dealing with a loss of a great company is never never easy..

Trail-Run Virgin No More!

Another wishlist crossed - I ran my first trail run woohoo!

Braved myself to sign up for Hulu Langat Trail Run 2015 and managed to get Z to accompany me. 

I was very nervous after the organizer uploaded the map. With maximum elevation of 200m at the first 4km, it is enough to pull my motivation down to complate the race..

The map. 12km, 3 water stations. 1 river crossing!

The flag off was at 8am so we have ample time to prepare before the run. There was plenty of parking spaces too so logistic wise it was quite good. Nothing to be worried of. As we arrived, I saw loads of runners are already well-prepared. Much to my worries, they all looked fit and all pumped up for the race. Kekakak je lemak geleber sana-sini hwaaaa

A few hundred metres after flag off. Masih bersemangat :D

The first few hundreds was all good and does not seem too challenging. And then we enter the trail..that's when the adventure starts....

The beginning of the trail, lumpur light-light ni baru muqaddimah!

Since it rained the day before, the trail was extra muddy.. At first most of the runners were extra careful and tried to avoid the muds. Mesti ramai beli kasut baru kan sebab dapat voucher salomon 30% lulz. Little that we know something even nastier awaited us..

Extra muddy extra slimy! Melepet lepet lari/jalan dalam tu kahkah

There were few bottleneck areas during the run simply because we had to pass a narrower obstacle/muddier area/climbing up. So that puts us having about the same running time, except those chart toppers la. They were super fast ktorang baru terkedek-kedek nak naik bukit depa dah sampai finishing line kottt.. First bottleneck area was the first hill. No "aid rope" and it was quite narrow so you really gotta use your menyelit skill fine!

The first hill was quite okay.Took us few steps only to get up. We moved to the 3rd km and that when it got more challenging. At first I saw runners already ran down the hill and I thought to myself, ah it's gonna be a simple u-turn. Mane la nak tau sebenarnya uturn tu....sigh..kena panjat bukit T____T

There was an "aid rope" provided but to cater hundreds of runners, it was not quite ideal to wait for the rope. Plus I have this fear of climbing up using the rope coz I think that thin rope couldn't afford to handle my thick body T___T So I took a harder path and climbed up the hill with my body. Yes kekakak dah macam spiderman dah merangkak-rangkak pegang rumput pegang pokok naik bukit tu. According to the map it was a 200m elevation. Halfway there I was really out of energy and already regretted signing up for the run lol. Gathered my breath and braved up to finish the climb with whatever energy I have left with. Rasa nak nangis pun ada nak abiskan panjat tu. 

Alhamdulillah I managed to pass the obstacle safe and sound despite having lots of bad thoughts while climbing. I imagined what if me or any of the runner slipped, snowballed runners bergolek-golek ke bawah lepastu mati lenyet. Atau pun sebab haku tebal haku survive tapi orang bawah lumpuh sebab kena penyet. Hwaaaaa takot plsss.. None of my imagination happened and we all survived the climb! 

Took a rest to enjoy the view. Bukan senang nokk nak naik bukit cemni selalu...

The trail was pretty okay after the hill. Energy drained out after the climb but we had the yummy extra joss to rejuvenate. I also brought my Toujours collagen drink for that extra sugar for energy booster (kahkah promote kejap) My leg started to get cramp after 6th km, only halfway there and I couldn't run as long as I wished to. So sad. But it was an interesting trail. Lalu ladang. Lalu kampung-kampung belakang rumah orang lepastu bau makcik tengah goreng ikan umphhh dapnyeee...


At 11th km, we were surprised by another obstacle - the river crossing!! That was the highlight and prolly the best part of the run. At first I thought the water level would be, max at the waist area. Oh hell no, it was up to chest area with some part at head/neck level! Kena lompat-lompat sikit tamau terminum air okayy. Nasib ada abam bomba standby dalam air in case of any mishap. Walaupun gigi mu kuning but I still felt safe knowing that I might be saved if I ever get drowned(yes, too many negative thoughts along the race lol)

Image courtesy of organizer we had to keepsafe our gadgets from the water :(

All in all it was a very interesting and fun run. So glad I signed up for it. A lot of runs are being organized at Putrajaya nowadays and I hated that place. Less runs for me to choose now tapi tak kisah lah asalkan tak yah lari kat Putrajaya. Kahkah. So glad this one was held at Hulu Langat!

The finisher medal. Unofficial time of 2h37m. Winner clocked in at 1h oiiii power gila takleh kekakak nak bayangkan...

One wishlist crossed. Still talking myself into running half marathon. Taa kuadd rasanya nak try half marathon ni aihh...

On another note, was tested with huge bump for the euro trip. But it's looking okay as of now. Sigh..Things happpen right?

Back to work

Back to work and slightly in denial still

I miss those fluffy hotel pillow. Those cozy room. The days where I see no oral cavity except mine. Sigh.

Earlier to work this morning my already groggy mood was worsen by 1) Queue cutters or how I would like to label down as pensailang jilake 2) Road litterers or pembuang sampah jalanraya tak bertamadun. Major, major road pet peeves. The first one was a big ass bas kilang. Mak told me to always give in to those big ass drivers because they are indeed the notorious road bullies. They bang your car and wouldn't give a flying eff. In the end kau yang susah so better kasi je jalan. Another one was a gold waja driven by warganegara 03, wasn't quite sure with the gender tho. Dahlah sailang lepastu sukahati makan jalan. Lepastu dia buang tisu dari tingkap camtu-camtu je eeeeee aku rasa kalau kete ada built-in guns I would have shot the car there and then!

Ke sebenarnya tengah PMS ni.Highly irritable and ada voices in my head yang menyapa-nyapa untuk menjadi emo. Hmmm


Other than that TGIF. Altho I will be working tomorrow :(((((((( but at least for a slightly shorter working hour and instant cash reward after that. And Sunday I'm running my first trail run sumpah cuak gila plsssss.

Can't wait to get over and done with today.

When Monday does not feel like one...

It feels like Wednesday today. I'm already tired and felt I have worked for too long. Read it somewhere that women are the tired-est at 3.30PM Wednesday. That's how I'm feeling right now. I prolly need to go easy on working. Funds are looking okay as of now so I need not go busting my ass on the weekends too.


On a hopefully better note, I'm going out for a course starting tomorrow. That means no seeing patients for 3 days. Looking forward for that now. Courses never excite me but I think right now I needed that the most. A break. Dapat tidoq hotel. Pi jalan jauh sikit tenangkan fikiran. Hopefully that will fix my tired body.


Other than that....things are better than before. Better but not quite the same. I can feel that detachment is in progress. Like slowly going faraway. Redha dan pasrah is all I've got now. I'm gonna act all tough and act like I couldn't care less when in fact I'm crumbling inside now. Hey hey this too shall pass, remember?

Suppressing shites.

I wrote three paragraphs about what made me sad this past few days but I decided to scratch that. Well, it could be the hormones talking so I will try suppress as much sadness as I could tolerate. I calmed myself down just by saying - this is just a phase. Kalau dulu kau happy ada kawan-kawan di sekeliling, now kau sedih kawan-kawan tak banyak ada dah, this is just a phase, lepas ni kau akan happy hidup sorang-sorang. Chill. Things will change soon so gotta survive the phase aite?

Life has been pretty normal these days. Working my assess off to make sure I reach my target because my budget has badly been damaged due to the major repair done on my car. Spent freaking RM2750 for the major overhaul and it surely happened at a super wrong time. Tried my best to make sure I have enough money for my next trip. I made sure most of the bookings are done so I know how to allocate my resources. Phewh, Praying hard I hit a jackpot or something so I could spare some for shopping. At the moment, I have enough only for traveling and eating, I think :(


Other than that. Nothing much. Still same 'ol same 'ol. Hari-hari berperang dengan diri sendiri jangan dilayan sangat sedih yang mendatang. Kah.


Tengok makin ramai upload pergi umrah ni. Bergetar nya jiwa raga nak nya pergi sangat-sangat :(

Crying out of boredom

What the heck, here I am at 5pm Sunday in my room, staring at the ceiling, lying on my bed, being all bored. And I blogged. Like what the hell. Aren't weekends supposed to be fun and all exciting?


I need to find something to fill up my weekend. Working is an option but I really don't want to commit to working on weekends because, well once in a blue moon things do come up.


I filled up my Sunday mornings usually with hiking. It has been 3 weeks in a row now since it's conveniently located 15 minutes away from my house. I began to shy away from running/jogging and enjoy hiking so much more because 1. you burn more calories 2. whether you like it or not you need to spend a good one hour to come up and down. No options. Unlike running where you can actually cheat if you are already tired, hiking forces you to finish the loop!


However today I nearly pass going hiking because I slept so late last night. But it is never a good idea to go sleeping at 3 in the morning and to wake up at 7 expecting you are all energetic to hike. Thank God I managed to finish a loop in 1hour 8 mins, went back straight away to home, have my breakfast and passed out from 1030 to 2pm.


April is going fast, and May is coming. No more late night outs after this. How am I going to spend my time I have no idea..


Not even here, but already felt lonely :(

Pecah otak

Harini kekakak stress
Ekceli dari semalam stress..'twas such a bad day yesterday. Bangun lambat. Kain koyak. Patient tak henti-henti. MOS tak berjaya. Memalam lapar lepastu rosak diet makan maggi.

Pendek kata. Stress lah.

Bawak ke pagi ni bangun macam stress tengok whatsapp.
So I turn off the phone's internet connection.
Lepastu pening handle kursus call sana sini.

I need a break.
Dapat escape tengok pemandangan dari Bukit Ampang pun jadilah.

Syukur Tuhan masih menyayangi~

This past few days I've gone through a lot of series of unfortunate events. But despite those unfortunate events, I must say ( or sing) Syukur Tuhan masih meeeeenyaaaayaaaangiii


It all started with my beloved companion, my car, V had major breakdown last Friday. A few days before he gave up, I actually went through the scare of my life when I got stuck in a flood on my way back from work. It all happened so quickly the next moment I know, I am stuck. Kereta depan semua dah mati enjin sebab banjir dah naik siap basah lagi rasa kereta masuk air T__T Allah loves me and saved me the hassle of having to push the car in the middle of the heavy rain. V held on and managed to bring me to safe place.


Unfortunately, last Friday right after I reach office after lunch, V flashed off the red temperature light. I knew something is not right especially I have been drenching in sweat due to the aircond. Cut the story short, he was towed to the workshop and suffered major breakdown. I have been told should I go on and drive V, it might actually explode. Syukur Tuhan menyayangi, dekat parking baru kena and it didn't explode on me :')


Later that day I was still slightly traumatized and tired arranging V to the workshop and whatnot I went to my after work-work. I didn't realize my phone fell off my lap to the road when I stopby to buy sata. Took me 20 minutes to realize I am phone less (somebody was already waiting when I reached my workplace). I drove back to the place where I stopped by to buy sata and found my phone, untouched. Syukur Tuhan masih menyayangi T___T


As for today, I was late to work. Overslept. Nak masuk kereta pulak I stepped on my kain and it tore up quite bad T___________T So I turned to Waze to find the fastest route to work and went on with it anyway. I didn't follow the route I always do. Turns out, there was major accident on my usual route..Syukur Tuhan masih menyayangi~~~~


Banyak kali dah Tuhan jentik aku. In my sorrow, He is still there. Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.

A little patience and a lot of faith. (:

Oh la hai....

Oh la hai banyaknya benda nak tulis I've got so many things to ramble. But things have been pretty busy at work so I don't have that peaceful me-time to write anymore.


So many things happening around. With GST going around my FB newsfeed has been flooded by receipts and more receipts. I paid my first one buying Milo at RM2.50+RM0.30GST yesterday. Feel like screaming to the extra 30cents that I paid and yell to govt nah kau amik duit rakyat ni pergilah kau bayar gaji pekerja awam ke pergi naik jet pergi bulan ke pergi beli bunga kat pasar ke. Moga di akhirat duit 30sen ni ditimbang tinggi rendah ikut sepatutnya. Wah macam tu sekali emo dekat GST.

But seriously, GST has been THE topic since the past few days and it hasn't ended yet. People have been stocking up goods pre-GST (I did mine too - stocked up pads that should last me a few months LOL) but what about the less fortunates? They barely have money to make ends meet for that month how can they even stock up for the next ones :(

As for me...well, what can I do. Guess I have to work extra hard to or adjust my expenses to what I can afford. Been working 8-9 on most days of the week now don't know how long my body could tolerate to this lifestyle :( Ingat ya,Yang Maha Melihat lagi Maha Mengetahui is there to be The Judge hereafter.


Other than that I am around 70% ready for my trip. A bit worried especially after hearing news after news of crashed planes but hey, kun fa ya kun. Kalau dah ajal, apa boleh buat ye dak?

And of course..every seconds bring me closer to the day that I dreaded. Well, life moves on. I will do to.  Praying to The Almighty to ease everything. He knows what's the best for me... If he is not, please take him away for me, but please give me peace to deal with it. Praying He will cross my path with my partner soon as I am feeling a bit left out and lonely ni. Semua dah ke fasa 3 kekakak fasa 1 pun tak lepas. Kah.