Have I stopped being emo?

sigggghhhhhhhh

Am I gonna keep on updating this blog or what? Where have I left you blog? You used to be my tempat menadah segala makian emo. Am I not that emotional now? Heck NO. It's just that I don't have time to entertain 'em?

Tak emo? My 4th Eid abroad and I'm starting to forget how does it feel like to be at home around this festive season. Tak emo? Mak is gonna go back to kampung on her own again, and not that many of her siblings are gonna be celebrating in Muar in first raya. Tak emo kau kata tak emo? Thinking about Mak going back to kampung alone this raya is heartwrenching enough. Tak emo? I can't bring myself to call Mak because I'm afraid I'm gonna cry like a streaming river. Tak emo? Tak emo tak emo? My first day raya is filled with Ortho lab and OTL. My baju raya is a filthy labcoat stained with plaster and melted wax that I forgot to take out when I was washing 'em in the morning and my second raya outfit would be a navy blue scrub that is worn together with 9 other of my groupmates. Tak emo kau kata tak emo? Every facebook status that screamed the happiness of going back to kampung, preparing stuff with the family and whatnots are like slitting my heart pieces by pieces. My last few days of Ramadhan was filled with worries on clinical stuff, patients, getting used around 4th year and rearranging and organizing my life.

Anyhow as I said before I'm too busy rearranging my life and stuff.As class started last Monday I began to feel more and more panicked and the pressure is building up. I am still going around tryna get used to everything and I know it's going to take time. There are so many new things in 4th year. So many things to grab and to catch up and I'm already feeling suffocated already. Hopefully things would fall into places as time goes by.

Last Sunday I came out with crazy decision to sell in the Bazar Ramadhan. Well, there are a few reasons behind that decision. One of the biggest factor is I wanna keep myself occupied for the weekend so I would stop dreading about how am I gonna celebrate Raya here and getting sad thinking about Mak. I didn't tell anyone about this one particular reason coz it's just too complicated to explain. Mission accomplished, I was so busy preparing stuff and my energy drained out as expected. Nak kumpul duit untung buat beli tiket winter? Hell no man untung dia kalau pergi beli groceries sekali abis dah. But ssokay Alhamdulillah ada gak la untung sikit-sikit.

Anyhoo Anyhei Anyheyaheya ooo I think I'd be better stop now before I raage out of control and torn this beautiful last days of Ramadhan. Here's me wishing you all Selamat Hari Raya and may your Ramadhan this time around is one of your best. I hope mine is. I'm sorry this one post sounded so bitter I promise when things are better I'll come up with nicer words. Till then, Assalamualaikum