The first round - ting ting ting!

Finally got my ass around cleaning the house - for the first round. Looking at the condition of the house I think it needs at least 3 times of cleaning. Macam minyak seri murni, proses penyulingan 3 peringkat ke ape tah. Macam tu lah. 

Before cleaning the house, I forced myself to eat a plateful of nasik with lauks sampai rasa nak termuntah so I could force myself to do as maximum cleaning as I can for the first round. Makan dah banyak burn pun kena la banyak kan. Lol.

First thing that I got rid of is somewhat you can call rubbish from the owner and the previous tenants. The owner used to be a DJ so he's got 2 full boxes of CDs which he doesn't want anymore. I knew about the CD before and I was hoping I could get someone to help me to bring it out of the house. Didn't want to get rejected straight away so aku guna skill tabligh "do you have 10 minutes to spare" and it was replied with "I've got to be somewhere else after this" lol. #siskecewa #sissedih. 

The CDs collection. Kalau jual kat Mudah ade ke orang nak ni? Banyak lagu Melayu, Indo, dangdut etc

Terus rasa macam marah kecik hati semua lah segala that I talked to myself fine! I'll do everything myself. Mentang-mentang la aku hanya aku macam biasa la merapu fikir macam-macam sendiri sambil marah-marah dalam hati. Haha padahal maybe the other person dah tazabar nak pulang rindu arnab ke kucing ke dah ada orang ternanti-nanti ke. But the disappointment was a good thing terus semangat aku nak kemas rumah. So I gotta thank 'em for the drive! Tapi I attempted to lift one of the box myself and my waist literally cracked after the attempt. Terus tak jadi letak tepi je :( 

After around 3 trips of up and down throwing the rubbish I finally got rid of most of the thing I wanted to get rid of. Ada tinggal a few lagi yang sememangnya tak larat nak angkat sendiri... Geram je tengok ada barang-barang picisan yang terbiar lagi ubat gigi lah shaver lah shampoo yang dah kosong la dalam the toilets and ada biskut ok dalam fridge!! Haha I was cursing in my heart. Kalau aku jadi owner memang tak pulangkan balik deposit rumah kat budak-budak ni. Kahkah. As I write right now my hands and waist are very, very sore from lifting heavy stuff up and down the 4 floors. Like very very. Esok kompem kena buat kerja dengan bantuan painkiller. 

Lepastu baru kemas to the termites'-attacked spaces. Did what I could do. At one part macam ada kayu random yang of course la mengundang anai-anai. It's not supposed to be there pun I thought to myself apakah budak-budak ini membela anai-anai? Like bagi kayu tu to feed the anai-anai ke apa? I knew I need to call pest control but at least berjaya legakan la sikit hati bila dah sapu pasir-pasir habuk tu semua, although not all tapi I tried my best. Kayu tu buang laju-laju sakit jantung kejap tengok anai-anai macam lari bertempiaran. Next time I need to remind myself to bring mask and gloves for cleaning. 

Next thing I moved on to the balcony. For some reason, the balcony was flooded with water and mold and yucky thing. Major speedbump to my cleaning is, the water supply has been locked by the maintenance and I have to wait before the previous owner settle the bill and whatnots. Ada sikit je air dalam tank yang I have to spare for wudhu' and cleaning my hands so I've got to work creatively. 

I had to sodok the yucky water that filled in the balcony, sodok punya sodok dapat la sebaldi T____T Lepas dah kurang sikit air tu baru I found out the hole that was supposed to drain the water was clogged. Unclogged the hole baru la ok sikit but I still need to clean the mold and whatnot. Nasib la rumah ni banyak mop so I just used the mop and threw it away after using it. Memang tak kuasa nak cuci dah lah takde air. Did my best and proud of it. Takde air pun berjaya I bersihkan. Geram je tengok kulat-kulat kat dinding kalau ada air memang dah sental abis dah tadi pun dapat sental mana yang dan je. 

After and before. Terbalik plak susun. See the before? Nak nangis rasanya mula-mula tengok. Dengan ada kayu lah kotak lah, kulat and sesampah banyak gila. #sisstress

Lastly I separated what to be got rid of next, with people's help and what to stay. Kalau ada air I would have clean off the floor and wiped the cabinets. Pull the sofa off the wall so it wouldn't be infested by the termites. Swept off the whole house up and down although I know it's a bit pointless sebab nanti mesti habuk balik but at least hati aku tenang. 

/ - The final look of the house before I leave
No's are the before picture of the house. Haishk, full of NOPEs!

Worked until around 7 sebab macam dah takut sikit duduk rumah tu sorang-sorang. I changed into my gym attire to clean the house and couldn't be bothered to change back. Maka pulanglah dengan baju dan muka busuk itu. 

Next up is pest control, dan pestering the previous owner to settle the maintenance bills so I could get some part of the house fixed. Lepastu buang barang berat tu, cuci the whole house baru up the ads for rent. While waiting for new tenant nanti baru nak fikir lain what I can do to make the house better. Wah kau beria dah plan!

I need my break :(

Today I am thankful that I managed to be present at my bestfriend's reception. Siap kena jadi pengapit lagi that was really my first time, and I was nervous as heck. Pengantin relax je I neves lebih. I hate doing job that puts me on the spotlight, walaupun not the main spot tapi still kena tempias light-light la kan?


Anyway job done :)


Although, how I wish I'm in the middle of the island, chillaxing. Or in the middle of the nature enjoying the fresh air. Badly needs an escapade to reformat my mind and body. I had the bookings done and arranged but I had them undone too. Takkan la nak miss the reception, especially when most of the girls can't make it.


Ssokay. Maybe I should pay a visit to my favourite thai massage place for a quick fix. Alone. Kesian. Kah. I am kinda screwed up I just went to spa 2 days ago but I did not enjoy the massage at all. I am missing the touches of the Thais masseuse :(


I, I am just at a state of utter confusion. I just hope the days will get better someday. Someday, somehow.

Denial

First of all, this - 

is my happiness today. Unfortunately this is the only positive thing I can dig in for today.

So yeah this is my source of happiness that came all over from the other side of the world. Even though I think I took one size larger but I'm still a happy camper.


My mind still wonders around the house. The termites problem is getting quite big and I'm so itchy to get rid of it but I need to clear up the house first. Aih perangai tak sabar mula berleluasa biasa dia ni! I will do the cleaning slowly, one by one. Sebab bajet pun tak berapa nak ada apa-apa yang reti buat sendiri, I will do it. If only I know how to repair the toilet flush and sink.....


I'm sorry, whoever is reading this post (kalau ade lah), at this point you can just shut it off because this is the point where I start rambling..














Next thing I need to get over the denial stage and be in the acceptance mode already.  There are few issues that I have in my chest that I would like to let it out straight to the person but I need to hold back, turn around and walk away. Selama ni ada yang tak puas hati mesti eventually akan terluah jugak but this time around, I need to just fuck it off. But aku tau perangai aku ni selagi terbuku didada I will keep bringing it up, on and on again in the blog.

I think despite all the ketakpuashatian and whatnot, I am actually missing the good ol times. It's like taking out something that has been a part of me for the past years and I feel empty, and rindu. But rindu is not a good thing to feel so I am forcing it to become hatred. Unfortunately I did not manage to do it.

From the best of buddy to somebody I used to know? I don't know. Only time will tell. 

Pening Kepalaku Pusing

Senarai kesyukuran / positive things to be thankful of today

1) S&P and loan signed.
Although, sigh...banyaknya lagi benda yang mendatang. Takpelah I'll deal it one at a time. Berperang-perang harini hati dan perasaan. First time for everything, mesti la ada cabarannya ye dok?

2) Yang paling patut dihappykan hari ini. Bersyukur kerana dihari pening ini I was with my two favourite people. Although not for long, tapi jadi la..



Cukuplah for today. I need to try to keep calm and carry on..

#siscuba

Yesterday recorded a history where I only took lunch and that was it. Pagi tu tak breakfast malam balik kerja terus tido sebab penat terok. Now that's something new. If I can keep it up I'm sure that'll help with losing some kilos.


But unfortunately today I'm back to my 5 meals/day self. Breakfast lunch dinner snack complete. Tadi pergi gym I was the only student in the R&B class. Luckily the instructor was good looking enough to attract me to stay in the class, but not too handsome that might got me distracted. Kira just nice la nak belajar dance. Again he praised me for having the feel and moves of a dancer *insert emoticon pakai sunglass cool disini* Lepastu dia kata lepasni jangan la miss class bole blajar choreography the whole song. #siscuba #sisterharu


Lepastu tadi I had something to share. You see, it was my hmm what you call it..habit to share something with someone but I knowwwww I need to slow down on that habit. So I thought it's not good to disturb la kan kau berpada-pada la nak kena warning lagi ke. I also realized there's a trend where after certain time, it will be silent. Before ni ok je there's always something to talk about. So macam dah ada zon larangan plak haha..Terbantut terus sexcited nak share #sissedih #sislupa #siscubatabah


Senarai happy harini

1) Payday payday. After around 50 days since the last payday, this is the one that has been waited the most. We survived fellow gahmen servants! Kahkah

2) lepak dinner with the aunties td konon-konon celebrate birthday maktip.

3) Esok cutiiiiii weeheeeeeeee

Kbai

Paksadiri

Things that I should be happy about this weekend :

- abundance of good food. Eventho it made me even fatter..sigh
- my aunties uncles and cousins. Always, always happy times.

Goyah

Today I realized I am not as functional as I thought. I thought most of the concerning stories will be shared with me, apparently it is not. So yeah I'm almost a useless entity.

Sedih. Almost shaken up my effort to keep being positive. Sigh.

So what's there to be thankful of/ positive about today?

Hmm

Okla, so..

- In the middle of economy crisis, I am thankful my job allows me to earn extra money from working extra time. The earning is not that much, but at least I get to reward myself with something from time to time. Ada orang nak hidup to meet the ends pun tercungap :(

Selamat

Diam lamanya, tertidur agaknya.
Selamat tidur. Selamat pagi, selamat siang dan selamat malam untuk kesenyapan yang bakal mendatang.
Didoakan semoga selamat semuanya.
Malam terakhir untuk saat bertukar bicara sebelum datang saat sepi selalunya.


Senarai positif harini;
- Syukur diberi kekuatan untuk terus mengheret diri ke gym. Biarpun berat rasanya dek sakit sengal yang mula menjelma.
- Item dispatched. Menanti bungkusan yang beribu batu jauhnya ;)

Making Progresses

Went to my second HIIT class yesterday and I think I have slight improvements compared to last week. Not quite there yet I think I can do better than I did yesterday but at least I could do half of the reps. Semoga istiqomah la nak pergi gym ni semalam pun berperang-perang dengan diri nak pergi.


Today I am feeling the sore already. Rasenya last week tak la sakit macam ni . Maksudnya betul la tu semalam aku buat bersunggoh sikit. Lulz.


I think because I am such a negative person, I need to force myself to look at positive aspects of my life. So I shall start it on a daily basis with hope that I can eventually lessen my negativity and widen my positive counterpart. Imma start with my own 30 days of happiness thingamajig.


So..

• I am happy I managed to drag my ass to the gym yesterday and brought myself to attend the HIIT class despite being so not fit 
• I am happy I finally get to have a dinner with my bestfriend 

The greatest humiliation

Yesterday I had one of the greatest humiliation ever. Like, ever ever.

So I went to the gym and was all excited because I thought the timetable was fixed. All geared up to learn the next choreograph for Get Dirrrty. Wah cikgu puji sikit terus kau rasa kau macam dancer.

Spent a good 20 minutes at cross trainer, another 7 at the bicycle just to kill time before the class. Went down to the studio and saw lots of Aunties and an unknown instructor. They brought the step, the weights and the yoga mat. Shit. I missed my R&B class and like it or not I had to join that class because I gotta make my trip worth it.

Much to my surprised it was a HIIT class - a HIGH. INTENSITY. INTERVAL. TRAINING. class.  I got all the mats and weights and steps laid out in front of me it would be awkward to run now.

The class was tough. And I am enveloped in too much of fats I couldn't even hold lifting up my butts to do the full sets. What. A. Shame. My abs cramped, my legs were sore and my hands, well they were shaken up and I didn't even follow the full reps and sets. Out of 20 counts maybe I did 5 or 7 tops?

Erghh. Back then in JB I did similar things in the sessions with my PT. I don't know is it the fact that I sat on a step  rather than on a bench that made it harder to lift up my butt during the exercise. Or the fact that A, my PT was  good looking that I pushed myself hard and that he will be supporting me whenever necessary. Kah.

Giving myself a month before I can fully follow the reps and sets. Biase ni lelemak degil ni pemalas tamau angkat.

I kinda miss my gym in JB. Because I was one of the very very very few Malay ladies in the gym, the guys were more attentive. When I come, X would follow me around before being shooed away by A for disturbing me. Then come Abang Sado 1 to give some motivations before Abang Sado 2 and 3 come and bugged in. At times the ever persistent Abang Special Force will join me at the resting table bla bla. But back then I was off limiting myself because I don't want to end up with anyone in Johor and settled down there. Kah jauh aku fikir tapi yes, I dodged every bullet fired. Ajak apape pun taknak.

It's hard, but I got to go on still :(

I got moves~

A month ago, I bought a Groupon voucher to a gym nearby my house. The thing about me is, I like to go to what I call a proper gym - completed with proper changing room, proper equipment, ample spaces, and preferably with studios that cater different classes. Back in JB I found one that I really liked and frequented because it matched my criteria.

I made my research and found the gym nearby my house fitted the criteria. Wanted to go but syaiton pemalas held me up really well. One find day last Ramadhan when I was so bored I browsed through Groupon and found a deal by the gym. I purchased it. RM58 for unlimited access to gym and classes that's quite a good deal. I only realized last Tuesday was the last day for redemption. Lulz. Pemalas nak mampus. So  I went.

The gym was not too bad, Well-equipped, big enough and the changing room has sauna - very similar to my gym in JB. The thing about going to the gym is you need a willpower to actually drive to the gym, and stronger willpower to use the exercise machines well. A tips that worked well with me is joining classes like zumba will help to force your lazy arse to make your trip to the gym well worth it. Kalau kau pergi lepastu setakat main beskal 10 menet dah penat, baik takyah. At least joining dance classes forces you to move your body at least for a good 50 minutes.

So the first day I joined Zumba. Much to my surprise, Zumba tires me more than trail running or running 10km. I went back home with very tired and aching body. Slept quite early that night although, of course I woke up in the middle of the night due to the depressed state I'm going through right now.


Yesterday I was so lazy to go. My leg is aching, my body is tired. I checked the timetable - it was R&B class. Well, R&B should be less tiring than zumba. I went anyway. Reached there quite early so spent the first 30 mins doing cross-fit and rowing.


At the beginning of the class there was only me, the other lady and the instructor. The lady looked like a frequent so risau la sikit nanti iols terkebil-kebil Later on another older lady joined in fuh nasibla kalau tak iols paling tak fit :P The instructor looked a bit cold in the beginning. We warmed up to Gangsta Paradise song and I thought to myself eh ni bukan R&B niii salah konsep ke aku salah paham.


As the class progressed, sangkaanku slightly meleset. Yes R&B is slower than zumba but you gotta have some slick moves to match the beat. Kau macam kena beralun ombak but at the same time be energetic enough. We spent the last 20minutes trying to get the choreograph of the song Diirrrrty right. Peluh-peluh mak nak....


At the end of the class, the instructor went to me and asked

Have you dance before?

I said no. Well, I join zumba maybe 3-4 times but that's it.

Oh you are actually quite good. You have the dancers' feel, dancers' move.

Kahkah. Siapa sangka. Malas je nak tunjuk. Dulu pergi Sarawak gua gerak kiri-kanan je kat Rainforest Music Festival tu sebab beg berat. Kalau tak memang dah body popping semua terkejut je semua kat situ kang.


Kembang muntut kejap dengar cikgu puji. Well, kalau perut tak berlipat-lipat lemak tak bergoyang-goyang, memang gua dah quit kerja join jadi penari. Kahkah.

And last night I slept throughout the night. Alhamdulillah. :)

Life

The thing about life is, it goes on. It moves on. Alone or in groups. Hurt or happy. Clueless or full of confidence. Stupid or lucky. The difference is the directions, and how you go through your days.


As cliche as it sounds, life goes up, it also goes down.


And every single thing, happen for a reason. Every single act, will be rewarded accordingly.


Quoting Yasmin Mogahed's doa :

Dear God, I ask You to remake my heart. I ask You to remove from it all that You do not love, and fill it with all that You love. I ask You to penetrate the deepest recesses of my heart with Your love and Your Light so that I may walk this path back to You and finish the journey in Your nearness. I ask You to transform every wound and every scar I've gotten along the way into an opening for Light to enter, beautify, soften and guide my heart.