Obsession

If you don't know already, I'm a big fan girl of the X-Men. I can watch the movies repeatedly and still enjoy it.

X-men Apocalypse is coming out this May and I am so, so, so, excited. Tazzzabarrrr nak tengok. I know I will make a big fuss out of it nak tengok wayang paling selesa paling best paling awal paling semua lah. Hmm but wondering who would be my movie date this time.

Oh well, I can just go alone kalau takde org teman.


Soooo essaaiteddd

Of doa dan pasrah

All I need to do now is pray and keep on praying. May He sheds some light on my way. May He grant me the strength that I needed.

Whatever comes may, saya pasrah.

Off my braces!

I am off my braces after almost 4 years. Who would have thought eh? Ingatkan pakai setahun dua je. Still obsessed with my braceless teeth. Sikit-sikit nak tengok cermin.


However I am so annoyed with the retainer nak cakap pun susah. But I need to be compliant, kena istiqomah pakai. I'm a bimax procline case so chances for relapse is quite high. Senang cerita kalau tak pakai retainer ni nanti gigi gerak balik la. Gitu. Harap-harap la berjaya bertahan..


I still need to get my gingivectomy done..have to wait around a month or two till my gum settles. Cacat sikit gusi gigi depan tu sebab dulu penah patah gigi tu and dia macam intruded ke dalam my incisor. Takpela 4 tahun leh tunggu sebulan dua ni apedehal sangat la..

Bersyukurlah

Untuk kesekian kalinya, haishk, stressnya banyak kerja.


When I choose my career, my innocent mind went to think all my work will revolve around patient and none of them would haunt me post working hours. Boy, I have never been so wrong in my life. Juggling this project in between seeing patients, my mind gets tired really easily. Kadang-kadang tu nak consult patient pun I lost words.


Being the lead of the project, I tried to make sure everyone is not..unhappy. Kau banyak kerja? Fine takdehal, saya buat. Takleh nak edit video? Takpe, saya buat. Slides kena amend? Okay saya buat. I just want this whole thing to be done and over with. The annoying thing about this project is the courses that I have to go. Last week ada satu. Next week there's one more. And I really hate courses, I'd rather be busy with my kerja hakiki than doing this. This will last at least until end of July. Lamanya la lagi nak hadap. Erggh..


Last weekend I had my escape trip down south. It wasn't a fun,suka-suki one I didn't even take a single pictures. It was more of a...entahlah I dunno how to explain trip. Had some catching ups with a few people. Well, this trip has taught me to be grateful of where I am right now. Had I stayed there, I bet I would be more depressed than ever. This also reminded me of someone who supported me the whole 2 years I lived there and for that, I am forever grateful to him. Didn't get to eat my favourite kacang pol, wanted to drag around Piqa here and there but she's 6 months pregnant. My 2 bestfriends that I apit dedua dah on the way to becoming a mommy, Alhamdulillah.


Missing someone but at the same time bengang jugak marah jugak. zzzzzz

I need my vitamin sea

Three years since I left Perhentian but still can't move on from its beauty. Initially I wanted to plan a trip there to go somewhere in April but for some reasons I had to scratch off that idea.


One day insyaAllah.

Kena Tinggal

Today we had a course which included DIY Massage as one of the topics. It was so interesting that it got me thinking to get a diploma in physiotherapy. Nahh..diploma terus kau, takde nak amik kursus sampingan ke apa. Kahkah. But what about my ambition to pick up a culinary course? Will I be able to achieve both of my dreams?


In the end I thought to myself, takpela den bolaja urut and masak sendiri lepastu praktik dekat laki sendiri je lah. Eh. Ado laki ko? Takdo? Ah, that's another dream almost seems so far away from me.


Anyway, well, minggu ni, I'm not going to middle-of-nowhere for the volunteer work. Tried to find another escape plan. I wanted to go to one of the islands in Johor but considering how scorching hot the weather currently is, I zip off the thought. Elok nak pergi tenangkan diri nanti duduk tepi pantai panas terbakar pastu emo sendiri. Last-last duduk bilik je baik aku duduk hotel kat mana-mana. But no, I can't. Duduk hotel sendiri pun nanti bosan. Bosan boleh mengundang pelbagai perasaan. Kahkahkah. So I might be heading down south to meet Piqa. Lama dah tak catch up. Lagipun rindu kacang pol and mi rebus ZZ. I will depend on my mood, tabah hati ku jauhlah perjalanan melangkah.


I am making such a big fuss about this weekend I hope the other side tak fed up dengan gwe. Mengada terok! Sejak bila jadi mengada pun den taktau. Lebih memalukan, he knows. It's okay and it's kinda normal if I go crazy by myself but in this case he knows. That's the thing. Almost every single thing that bothers me, he knows. And we talked about it. Malu gak kekadang sebab you know, I got upset about silly things sometimes. We shared the same sentiments on a few things and that made me really, really glad. Had a heart to heart talk a few days ago and it made me cry just thinking of the unhappy ending. The very first time ever that I sobbed heavily at him, before this maybe mata bergenang je.


Things have been pretty okay eventhough I had a rough few days earlier this week. Moga yang baik-baik aja pada hari yang bakal berlalu. 

Kena marah

Untuk menambahkan lagi efek malang minggu ni bak jatuh ditimpa tangga, harini iols kena marah dengan...customer. *bunyi petir sambil menangis dalam hati*

It's been a while that I encounter such an event. Since I started working as a professional, I think I had one unfortunate event that people I dealt with tetiba mengamok due to misunderstanding. Time tu kerja kat JB tapi tu mmg deal dengan orang tak rasional la. Menggeletar kena marah okay. Tadi pun menggeletar :((

It broke my heart when I was accused of something I didn't intend to do. I might not be the gentlest practitioner but what I do I think was necessary. Apalah nasib ku dapat orang sebegitu tp sebab aku pun tgh mode2 sedih dan sugul, I didn't retaliate. Instead I let her finished her words before I started speaking. In the end, all went okay, she was calmer. Tapi hatiku yg terobek masih terkesan tak pepasal kena marah.

Luckily kebetulan ada satu makhluk berada dalam kawasan untuk membantu mengurangkan kesugulan. We had lunch together adalah tempat mengadu domba. 

We wore similar colour today by accident. Dia dari awal masuk kereta dah tuduh cakap iols meniru. Boleh pulak time nak bayar akak tu cakap "adik-adik yg pakai sedondon ni" lagi laaa makhluk tu bertambah semangat cakap kita obses dengan dia sampai pakai baju pun nak sama. Kuassam. Dia taktau dilema aku tetiap malam fikir nak pakai baju apa so main sauk je la iron memana. 

Rezeki

Rezeki comes in many forms. Wang ringgit, jodoh, kebahagiaan, rasa senang, pekerjaan and so on.. It also goes closely dgn kesyukuran, keberkatan. Ada satu hari I did something that hmm rasa macam mengurangkan keberkatan kerja, anxious to wait for my punishment, and here I am mengenangkan rezeki yang berkurang tu.


I have been upset about a few things ni. I am unhappy of something, I admit partly I was wrong but I am not happy the way the other side handles it. Apologized and admitted my mistake. Tapi entahlah I am still unhappy but I am stuck with limited options to go with.


Forgive me of my wrongdoings ya Rabb. Ease my way, clear my mind and my head.


When I feel shitty like this I would lie on my bed scrolling at every single things scrollable in the social media. Bila tengok gambar orang happy kadang rasa happy kadang rasa irihati, tengok gambar kucing rasa nak picit, tengok gambar baby rasa macam awww nak satu please..and because I have been following a few fitness account I saw a few pictures orang tengah exercise. Terus rasa motivated turun bawah skipping 500 and did some abs exercise. Hope ada la rezeki nak kurus dan fit nanti. Kahkahkah..


Baru isnin ni. Rabu nak present. Selasa esok kena setelkan slides. Khamis kursus full day. Jumaat present lagi. Sabtu ahad isnin selasa bakal tak dilayan. Banyak lagi nak tempuh okay? So chill lah. Hang in there wonderwoman.

Bebelan malam tak berapa nak minggu

Entah kenapa semalam for some reason, hati digerakkan untuk check for something. Stalking mode on, and bammm I got my answer. No wonder I don't feel good about it. My instinct is kinda strong for certain things.

On a few things that I really hmm..want, I will make doa, show me lead me. Take it away from me if it's not meant for me. He listens, but He answers differently. One by one He shows me why it doesn't work on certain things.

One day someone ask me, why did I went for that decision, honestly I do not have the answer. But every single day I make doa to show me the way and my instinct have yet to tell me to go away so here I am, here to stay. One day, perhaps one sweet day, I will get my answers that I've been looking for.

In the meantime, let's just go with the flow. Despite not having certain people who are close to me anymore in my life, I still have a few ones who cares. No need to disturb other people's busy life let me just live my own. Doa mereka bahagia, moga yang baik-baik aja.

Taktau apa lagi nak bebel, banyak sebenarnya membuak-buak nak tulis. Tapi taktau macammana nak explain. Esok lusa la kalau dapat ilham.


Minggu mencabar ni esok. Tak jadi nak pergi volunteer work. Nak present. Ada kursus pulak. Ada deadline. Ada nak kena tinggal :(( Banyak kerja + kurang kasih sayang bakal mewujudkan hati yang resah gelisah. Moga yang baik-baik aja minggu ni, insyaAllah.

Not your typical drama

I don't watch a lot of tv dramas these days because they are kinda typical. Kalau kebetulan I am free and am doing nothing I would watch tapi takdela tahap struggle nak jugak tengok kalau tak sempat.


But there's one drama that made an exception - Cinta 100kg. Not your typical perempuan cantek bersama lelaki handsome, salah satu kaya, tentangan keluarga, perempuan jahat menggoda. Nope. It's one kind of a drama that carries stinging satires about Malaysians in general. Sarat dengan sindiran.


As the title implies, the drama doesn't revolve around typical novel-like plot. One of the issue that was highlighted in the drama was about body image. The main characters are 3 women with different perception of their own body image. Yg sorang chubba chubba, yg sorang kuruih kering, yg sorang just nice just nice tapi kadang nak jadi gemok kadang nak jadi kurus sebab dia rasa dia direject oleh lelaki sebab dia either tak cukup gemok or tak cukup kurus.


Apart from that ada la a few issues like our people obsession with so-called health products that claims to kuruskan/putihkan/gemokkan. Lepastu gender biased in certain jobs yang mana perempuan cannot do certain tough jobs like being a mechanic. Isu orang kita suka meng-cheese-kan everything pun ada. Kahkahkah. Itu memang win.


Another issue that caught my eyes really was the struggle of a chubba chubba woman to find the right man. Tapi dalam cerita ni not quite la cam senang je dia dapat laki. But she was dumped by her pilot bf of 8 years for a stewardess. Of course that made her question her self esteem and everything and self esteem is an issue that is very close to my heart.


JAGA-JAGA KEKNAD NAK TUKAR TOPIK SECARA TIBA-TIBA


Talking about this series made me reflect upon myself. Yup, I'm a chubba chubba girl but I'm trying my best over here to beat masyarakat's perception that all we know is eat and only eat. I run, I hike, I want to prove I can move more than the hot girls do. Ceyh bitter benar bunyinya. I'm turning 3 series next year and still not quite sure of my path, and still...single. Not gonna lie the pressure from stigma masyarakat to not yet married woman turning 30 is  kinda choking. And of course it gets pretty lonely too sometimes.


I met a few guys. Ada yang I know is pretty serious but I felt that we didn't really click. I tried, but I just can't. So I just flew away just like that. Feels sooo guilty I left just like that. Certain people must have said eh kau ni memilih sangat la but what can I do. Takkan sebab I am not a typical hot girl I can't be choosy. I am also the kind of person whose instinct is kind of strong and I know who I can tolerate and who I can't. Kalau malas nak layan, mmg aku tak layan dah.  Ada juga yg I am okay, getting along well and all of a sudden hilang macam tu. Kena karma agaknya kahkah. And also, ada juga yg fits my criteria so well but there are certain circumstances that complicate things.


Apapapun I am still very much single and still waiting for the one. Yes, I feel left out. But no, I won't settle for just anything just because my situation looks desperate. Tapi if you are a person who is worth the wait, I am your girl who would sacrifice and be patience as long as you promise your worth.

Gittew.

Back to the drama, well, it airs on Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 7pm, sometimes I have to miss out certain episodes so I went to Tonton to watch the rerun. Saya. Bukak. Tonton okay. Rare ni seorang saya sanggup nak catch up macam tu sekali. Kahkahkah..


Kbai. Still trusting your plans, ya Rabb. 

My favourite event :)

I think Hulu Langat Trail Run is becoming another favourite event of mine.

The trail this year is very much lenient compared to last year. They scratched off 2 parts that caused the bottleneck of participants which was the steep hill (that we need to use rope to get up) and another narrow area. The river crossing too wasn't as deep as last year although we had to run through a few watery area as compared to one deep river last year.

Due to the reduced bottlenecked area and the fact that I have someone who ran along with me most of thr time, I clocked in around 1:40 ish as compared to 2:30 last year. Didn't track my time because they have the timing chip this year so i'll just wait for the results soon.

Was supposed to run with Zack but since she's getting married soon and need to jaga muka and all, I got someone else to tag along. Cuak jugak if slowed him down because I never ran with anyone before I usually run on my own even kalau dgn Zack pun kita jumpa awal and akhir je. But it turned out well..I managed to push myself at few spots with the help although I had stomach cramp towards the end.

Definitely will join it again if time and space permits. InsyaAllah :) Lari sorang pun takpe, saya bole belajar.

Out of focus

I'm in the middle of a class actually. It has been a while since I last attended a full day lecture so after lunch hour, my concentration is trailing apart.


My mind started to fly away. Planning what to cook for breakfast tomorrow. Where do I wanna go next. Nak pergi beli barang. Nak shopping. Planning to bake a butter cake. Baru teringat someone likes cake and icecream so wanted to make it before he goes away for the new job.


I was fighting to stay awake so I started to scribble away. Back then when we were young and childish, whenever we like someone we will calculate our compatibility using our names. I did his name first and it returned 91% and when I did my name first it returned 100% Kahkahkah if only this is true..

I need a therapy.

I. Am. So. Sleepy.

Fighting to stay awake in my second job. I already ran out of things to stalk in the internet that I started to stalk, hmm certain people. And when I stalk, I became disappointed and upset that's why I tried my best not to stalk.


Perempuan. Memang masalah.


Still in my dilemma to get my therapy. In my mind either I go for swimming or get a full body massage. I'm too chickened to have my overnight stay at KL to go to my favourite massage parlour. Nak cari yang dekat dengan rumah macam sayang they are either too expensive and I might end up getting a disappointing massage. Dekat KL memang dah bayar prepaid I've got few more visits to go. Hihi.


One hour to go before I finish my shift. Hang in there wonderwoman.