Pening

Planning for travel is so much pening pening when the currency is different.

So much headache.
So not enough monayh.

Hmm. Please let the trip be the one that could take mind away from what I am supposed not to think.

Le sigh.

Amy Winehouse

In the mood of listening to Amy Winehouse currently. Setiap kali jiwa macam tengah sedih/ok/sedih/ok ni I think her songs fit me perfectly. Kah bukan nak dengar alunan zikir dan bacaan Quran kan kau ni.


The CD I bought 2 years ago when we went to Penang has gone kaput. I need a new cd. No actually I need a radio that has a USB connector. Takyah la sesusah nak kena cari CD burn lagu segala. So geared up to find one but terbantut hasrat kekakak bila tengok harga dia RM1288 the cheapest. Oih baik beli kereta baru. Terus rasa nak beli kereta baru lepastu baru sedar diri awak tu bukan kerja cetak duit. Lepastu I'm back to being sad. Lulz


Kacau nye jiwa ni. Tak sukanya setiap detik yang berlalu ni.


Ni kalau dapat lepak tepi pantai malam-malam sambil dengar Amy Winehouse. Lepastu bila keluar lagu Tears Dry On Their Own tarik lebih sikit sebab that song fucking describes what I'm going through right now.

Kemana arah hendak kutuju

My random blogwalking brought me to this one person who excels in her work. She receives awards, attends meetings conferences internationally and even delivers speech. And that made me rethink of my career path..


I must admit I am quite comfortable here and that scares me a little. I do not want my career path ends here. Kekakak tamau mereput disini dari dah nak sebaya student sampai jadi macam nenek student. Kah.


What options I am left with? Further and lecture. Cannot quite imagine myself being a lecturer but I know I can be a good one. Dulu habis SPM kekakak kasi tuition uols. Dari 1 ke 2 tiba-tiba ramai pulak nak sebab I'm good liddat. Perasan abis kahkah tapi that's quite the truth alright. Tapi lepastu kekakak malas sebab macam tak chill la wey abis SPM duduk rumah ajar tuisyen baik pergi melepak tepi tembok main gitar. Okay la tipu. I got busy with interviews, educamp, tah camp apa dengan MMU dekat Terengganu, driving lessons and tests so I decided to stop giving tuition kahkah sorry adik-adik tuition ku sampai sekarang kalau terserempak dengan mak depa dekat Speedmart kekakak segan. Habis semua tu settle pergi apply kerja kedai dim sum kawan dengan orang pelik-pelik. Kahhh.. Those were the days sangats..


Anywayyyy back to main story. Career path. Another option would be setting up my own surgery. Which I never thought I will end up doing so, but now am seriously considering it. The thing is, I am not a business minded person. Kekakak malas nak menguruskan hal-hal perniagaan ni. I can do the treatment part but I want somebody else to manage.


Time is ticking I need to start deciding. A few months to go before I can start applying to continue my studies if I want to do so but I am just so clueless right now.


Sometimes I envy those who work in offices. Lunch time bole keluar makan jenjalans dengan colleague. Bole sheshopping. Pergi meeting makan-makan. Jumpa orang office lain. Kerja menghadap komputer menghadap kertas.


Sigh. Marilah berfikir..

Colours

So I scrolled through facebook and instagram as per usual this morning. As always certain posts touch my heart in a way that it aches a bit. Seronoknya kawen. Seronoknya orang ada anak. Seronoknya itu. Seronoknya ini. Kah. Kesian.


Anywayyys I stumbled upon pictures of erm chubby people (kekakak benci betul eufamisme chubby ni ekceli) and they look confident, vibrant, erm..colourful. Then I looked to myself and wonder why can't I be that confident.


Kekakak pergi keje selebet je uols. Dulu gi kerja lagi terok. Bangun kul 715. Mandi. Siap. Baju main hentam je. Lepastu gi kerja. Yelah tempat kerja tak glemer pun malas nak beria. Jumpa patient pun pakcik makcik uncle aunties. Kalau ye pun potential mak pak mertua still malas sebab kawen dengan anak dia kena duk Johor kang. Kah jauh kekakak pikir. Lepastu by pukul 10 patient dah berderet-deret, cabut susah, peluh keluh kesah ketiak basah segala, memang comot ler.


Tapi petang sikit I would put some touch up or just make sure I don't look too shabby during locum. Yang tu kena presentable sikit la takut patient tak percaya pulek.


Where I work right now..I don't dress too shabby but still I am too lazy to put on anything on my face. Sometimes I perform Dhuha at work so nanti kena touch up balik lepas wudhu' so malas la nak mekap dari rumah. Lepastu dah solat dah ada patient langsung lupa nak pakai. Tapi harini lepas scroll fb tu terus pergi toilet pakai eyeliner, sapu blusher ngan lipgloss. Kahkah hangat-hangat chicken shite sangat.


We'll see how long will I last with this so-called new motivation. Kah


Anyway my backpain still persists. Sakit pinggang tiada taranya. Could be a combination of period pain too I supposed. No wonder last week was one hell of a week . PMS rupenye. I even thanked somebody for participation on Drama PMS minggu lepas. Kahkah padan muka sapa suruh kawan dengan kita. Kbai

Takkan la?

Renung tenung balik I thought to myself - eh kau baca blog aku ke?

Because recently kau keep on quoting something like "trust me...I know..I just don't know how to explain. I felt guilty..I know I should've not done this bla bla bla" And it also tallies with your attitude these days.

Tapi takkan la..bukan rajin pun kau nak baca blog aku ye dak?


On another note, malam semalam kekakak mimpi pasang breast implant dekat orang bukak booth tepi jalan T____T Lepastu picit-picit rasa tak puas hati sebab implant dia cam tersembul. Cam tau tak ada bola-bola air yang dalam dia ada lampu kalau picit-picit tu bole rasa biji lampu dalam tu? Haa macam tu la rasa dia..Kalau taktau kau bayang la sendiri. Sebab rasa picit-picit tersembul implant tu terus tak puas hati rasa nak buang jahit dia pastu nak keluarkan sendiri implant tu lepastu jahit sendiri balik luka

T_________T

Apakah secretly aku impikan takhta Bosom Beauties. Kah

Oh apakah mungkin sebab aku cakap kat ada orang tu jeles sebab breast dia besar lagi aku kahkahkah

Kbai.

Hello Monday. Be good to me will you?

Go away

It has been a one hell of a week. Banyak betul cabarannya. Banyak betul dugaannya. Sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga - defined.

I just wanna close my eyes and hope this week gets over and never return. I just wanna shut down my feelings and come out ice cold..so nobody can hurt me anymore.

Go away, please dont come again bad week :(

I need me masseuse

I have been working extra hours these days. Travelling soon so I need extra cash so I won't end up borrowing Along or merempat tepi jalan tak cukup duit. Kah.


The downside of me working longer hours is...my body started to ache everywhere. My nature of work requires me to work using my body. I need my eyes, my hands, my back, my legs all working simultaneously. At times when patient's mouth is too small I need to extend my back nenek nenek si bongkok tiga menjengah gigi yang di belakang belakang at that causes my back to hurt :(


It started with chronic dull pain and I just try to sleep it off. However the pain starts to change its nature to shooting sharp pain now that's a sign for help. And the intensity of the dull pain also has increased...I need my massage fix T______T

Hwaaaa nak urutttttt

Booked

I have been checking Skyscanner.net almost everyday for the ticket price. 

But today I decided to just buy. Why hesitate. I still wanna go. I still have to go. 

The first try came back an error. Second one came the same. I thought to myself..eh Tuhan tak kasi aku pergi ke ni.

So I tried different way.

WALLA!

Bismillah. May Allah ease my journey. May He give me what I needed the most. May He protect me and my heart during this journey.


Hiks. 

Just keep running. Just keep moving. Just keep swimming.

The flowery medal. Got flower summore at the end of the run. Andddd I ran 893kcal terus perang tu keluar gi makan Myburgerlab. Dasaaaar sangat perangai!

                                         

My very first running event this year - MWM. The weather was good. We started early, flag off was at 630am. I was kinda clueless to where I should park my car and Alhamdulillah I thought I was lost I actually parked very near to the starting line. Went out early because I was afraid there will be heavy traffic and had my Subuh prayer at the Blue Mosque's parking area despite being very near to the Mosque. Haishk have to la flag off at 630 maa.

This time around I was all alone. Not my first time, I ran Hard Rock Run alone but that was only a 3.4km run so there aren't much fuss - hotel tepi starting line bangun, jalan, lari, balik mandi breakfast. Mudahh. I admit I don't know how to run with people. I choose my own pace sometimes I run sometimes I walk. I don't like it when I have to chase someone and sometimes I have my own target too so I can't really wait for someone. For every run I enter I have my own time to beat so deswai kekakak run solo tapi kalau ada yang boleh ikut cara kekakak lari gua tadehal. Sebab tu kekawan tak suka masuk run dengan I kot. Lulz

I finished below 1:30hr and that was my target. At the last km I had muscle cramp that I literally had to drag my feet to the finishing line. Dah habis lari sebab kekakak sensorang kekakak amik medal, beratur amik air milo lori lepastu duduk tepi bucu sorang-sorang bongkok-bongkok stretch kaki sampai terbergenang air mata sikit sebab sakit. Haha drama kejap. Sakit okay. Lepastu susah nak stretch sendiri takde orang tolong. Lepas rasa macam drama sikit lepas kaki dah kurang sakit terus blah bawak kete balik. Pfft.

Gigih kekakak lari selari-lari, Badan gemuk macam tong ni kira laju la kot camtu :3

Dannn larian berakhir. Tak cukup 10km ingat nak lari pusing-pusing habiskan lagi 120m tapi kaki dah sakit sangat 

Macamtula ceritanya. This is the first to many I guess. Lepasni kekakak kena lari sendiri-sendiri je kot jadi kena banyak baca cara how to relieve cramp on your own. Gittoh. Atau kalau ada abam hemsem tepi-tepi maybe boleh mintak tolong. MWM takde abam hemsem banyak sangat mostly lari dengan kekakak kekasih hati sendiri jadi pacer so takleh mintak tolong. Kah!

Paranoia

Kita mulakan entry harini dengan lenggok ala Luna Maya dan AC Mizal ---- paranoyyyyya~~~
Eh yeke dia nyanyi ni dengan Luna Maya. Aku pun tak pasti. Kalau tak silap lagu ni kalau dapat 1juta download Pit Bull akan collab dengan AC dengan lagu ni. Tapi sampai sekarang takde pulak dengar. Ala tapi dengan bisnes dia tu 1juta download tu anytime je lah boleh settle. Kan kan kan


Eh

Where were we just now?

Paranoia. Right.

Yesterday night we had a confrontation. I was all geared up to sleep early. Had myself lying on the bed by 1030pm but suddenly I was confronted for being cold this few days. Yes I was cold. Partly preparing myself partly trying to get that other side to be fed up and just leave. Senang cerita tengah saiko diri yang I will be alone after this so you better be prepared not to have anyone to care about what you eat what you do throughout the day.

So aku buat taik je la this few days. Lama la jugak. Satu patah balas satu. Takde gelak besar. Takde mesra. Tapi dia just go on. Sampai malam semalam aku kinda push him to the limit and we had a talk.

Mistakes were made, we cannot undone. Aku just nak some sort of reassurance. Dulu dia pernah bagi that reassurance. But it has been a while since I hear that. Manusia mudah lupa and I was just wondering if he really means it.

Penyudahnya sampai pukul dua baru tidur. Cis betul.

Things are going nowhere no matter how hard I hope. Kun fa ya kun.

I will move on. I will.

Don't write when you are in your saikosis mode

itu je lah nak cakap

hiks