Parasit

Sekadar penumpang kasih

And one day I am gonna wake up from this so-called sweet dream feeling all sad mad and scared just like having a nightmare.

And that one day is pretty soon enough.

I am scared. I am so so scared.

Entah

Cantik, memang cantik.

Indah, terlalu indah.

Akan tibakah masaku nanti.

Entah.

Pohon kekuatan

All I can ever be to you is a darkness that we know
And this regret I got accustomed to
Once it was so right when we were at our high
Waiting for you in the hotel at night

I knew I hadn't met my match but every moment we could snatch
I dont know why I got so attached
Its my responsibility and you dont owe nothing to me
But to walk away, I have no capacity

He walks away, the sun goes down
He takes the day but Im gone
And in your way in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

I dont understand, why do I stress the man
When theres so many better things at hand
We could a never had it all, we had to hit a wall
So this is inevitable withdrawal

Even if I stop wanting you, a perspective pushes through
Ill be some next mans other woman soon

I cannot play myself again, I should just be my own best friend
Not **** myself in the head with stupid men

He walks away, the sun goes down
He takes the day but Im gone
And in your way in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

So we are history, your shadow covers me
The sky above, a blaze

He walks away, the sun goes down
He takes the day but Im gone
And in your way in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

I wish I could sing no regrets and no emotional debts
'Cause as we kiss goodbye the sun sets
So we are history, the shadow covers me
The sky above, a blaze that only lovers see

Harmful

Harmful. All signs are pointing to the exit door.

So why are you staying?

What are you waiting for?

To be crashed so hard you won't be qble to breathe anymore?

Perempuan hodoh pelengkap dunia

Fungsinya?

Dia yang membantu hero disaat memerlukan.

Dia yang tau bila hero disaat kelemahan.

Dia support system hero.

Tapi kerana dia hodoh.

The hero won't fall for her.

But the hero will always have her at his back.

And she will always be there whenever needed.

Kerana perempuan tak hodoh peranannya utama, dia yang patut diselamatkan, masalah dia yang hero agungkan.

Masalah hero perempuan hodoh sama tanggungkan.

Perempuan hodoh pelengkap dunia.

Crushed hope

So what happened?

Things. Things happened.

Why did you cry?

Of mixed feelings. Betrayed. Pain. Crushed hope. I start to get a feeling that I'm hopeless.

Don't. Hope is there to those who believe in it. Things will happen. Maybe not the way you hoped but it will be designed the best way for you.

Pergi

A pergi

B pergi

C pergi

D pergi

E pergi

Sampai masa nanti F G H I J K semua pun pergi

Semua pergi

Only a matter of time

Persis boneka

"Kau bodoh"

"Aku tahu"

"Kau cuma dipergunakan"

"Aku tahu"

"Kau tak ubah seperti boneka. Diguna cuma bila perlu. Dicari cuma bila mahu. Dimahu hanya bila perlu."

"Aku tahu"

"Kau bodoh"

"Aku tahu"

Of Being Heartless

"Work hard to the point that the pain doesn't hurt you anymore"

"Does that mean I need to go through more painful things?"

"Yes. A lot. An awful lot. Being heartless is not easy..but it is going to be worth it"

Cuti-cuti Malaysia

Berpuluh kali dah pergi

Tapi pergi dengan orang berbeza

Jadi punya kenangan yang tak sama kan?

What's next? Where's next?

Life

There are so many unexpected turns in life..you just have to be prepared to be not prepared.

I am currently going through a hell lot of confusing turns that I wish I can just stay put and lay low...

A brief update from yours truly. I am done with 6 months rotation for primary care and starting with my specialist rotation. All I can say is...its not quite a joy ride as I expected. Hospital...how can this place be curing and be depressing at the same time?

Now rethinking my career path. Ya Allah..pls make ease of my way. In career. In life, generally.

Rindu

Kehadapan laut biru yang dirindui,

Aku rindu tenang yang kau kongsikan denganku.

Pulau Perhentian,

5/4/13 - 8/4/13

Size drop success

From a size 18 to 16 to 14 now slowly moving into 12.

Jus when I thought I'm losing it....these shirts that I accidentally bought motivates me. Just have to keep pushing through...

Never ever give up. Never ever think you are at a comfortable place.

My very first long distance run

Remember when I talked about trying run marathon. Well..I finally did..sorta.

Last Sunday I finally overcame my fear and joined a charity run organized by Majlis Kanser Nasional at Padang Merbok.


Well me and long distance run...we had bad history way back when I was in Sains Selangor. Back when I was in Form 1 we had this annual larian jalanraya (equal to merentas desa..just more urban.lol) I was one of the last person to arrive and my house captain actually ran together with me to the finishing line so I can earn that 1 point. That was one of the most embarassing moments in my life T___T
After that year I was kinda determined to escape the event and joined PBSM so I could earn 2 free points without busting my sweat running like I'm dying.. I actualy survived the next 4 years by being a PBSM.

Spot budak gemok hitam muka penat after the larian jalan raya

And then back in the present..since the last few months my SIL got started running. I actually wanted to try but not quite sure with my ability. The picture of one fat girl running almost crying towards the finishing line supported by her house captain was still clear in my mind..so I started to train...
I started to put extra time on treadmill. I did not run full time as I know I won't be able to do so during the actual run so I kinda like run-fast walk-run-fast walk to get used to gaining momentum again and again..3 days before the run only I managed to do 7km on treadmill..


On the day itself I was quite nervous. Left home right after subuh. Had half boiled egg with bread and banana for my breakfast and had redbull along the way...

Me and SIL..my motivation to run!

So the run started at around 7.30am. From the starting line I started to run and make use of the momentum and enthusiasm to good use. Managed to run for a good 20mins before I started fast walking. And then I continued running and fast walk according to the song on my playlist. 1 song run next song walk..on and on until the finishing line..


I took 56minutes and 45seconds to finish the 7km run. Abang did 51mins and my SIL did 55mins so I was quite suprised and happy with my achievement!

Happy face after the run!

I had to go through 6.5 hours heavy traffic drive to JB and had to skip gym next Monday but it was still a good experience and one of my proudest moments..will I join more run in the future? Of course! Especially considering jow many FIT guys I met along the run. Do you know how much I adore fit guys? Soo much!


Step by step. Next aim is to join more run. And then try longer distance. And then my next goal is to hike Kinabalu.


Bismillah..

My weight loss journey...woah still ade journey ke?

I haven't been updating much on my weight loss journey recently. Simply because I'm pretty much on plateau phase kilogram wise. But I *think* judging from my clothes and pants, I lost a little inches here and there...not much..but still some changes (sedapkan hati :P) Very minimal tho,

So how am I doing lately?

- I still go to gym. At least 3 times a week, normally Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and if I'm still in JB, Thursday.

What I do? Cardio mostly. On good day, I try to burn a total of 500calories. But sometimes I had bad day or my body is just too tired so I will go easy.

• I run on treadmill, normally 40 minutes. First 10 mins walking incline with gradient 6-8, 6.0 speed. The next 20 mins run with speed 7.0-8.0. Last 10 mins walking incline gradient 6-8, 6.0 speed. Since I want to try running marathon, I try to push my running time to 20-25mins now making the total time to 45 minutes. Fuuuuuu..
• Rowing. 2000-4000metres depending on my mood.
• Occasionally cross training. 

- I continued with my Personal Trainer. Finished my supposedly last session a few weeks ago. And then he came to help around a few times. So I decided I'll just continue with him. At least I'm pushing myself doing something out of my comfort zone. PT ni push gua  tapi I really enjoy doing this new stuff that I wouldn't try by my own. Plus I get to see him flexing 'em muscles woah bonus point disitu!

- I still cannot quite control what I eat. I mean...quantity wise ok la. But I cannot go on strict diet anymore. Breakfast I would eat mihun/megi goreng/nasik goreng that I bought at the stall because my colleagues asked me to buy breakfast for them so I'm trapped to buy for my own. Lunch I had to eat something heavy because I'll be damn hungry by then. Dinner...if I'm in the mood I would go for oat porridge and sambal ikan bilis, sometimes with vege. If I'm not in the mood I would just buy lauks from  the restaurant below my gym and just eat em lauks.

- Weekend is of course, when all the diet schmiet is put aside and I eat without much thinking. Which I think the main culprit of my plateau phase.

- I HAVE A VERY WEAK LOWER BODY! Which is very disappointing and frustrating. I'm working on it now. Trying to slowly strengthen my lower body. My muscles.


That's about it I guess. Just a self reminder for me. In case I flop in the future, please remember this. I can do it!

And here's some picture..comparison of me around 6 months ago and the latest me. Not much changes but a change is still a change kan? #sedapkanhatilalala

Genting. September 2012.

Raya. August 2012.

Dinner. Last Saturday nite.

Gedik di gym. A few weeks ago. Cheating sikit la amik angle bagus and tahan nafas sikit :P

Bismillah. Semoga saya istiqomah dalam perjuangan ini. Hihihi

PMS

PMS...PMS...asal PMS je my feeling towards this certain someone resurface.

What is your problem...hormones. why would you want me tp suffercate again?

Hoi cepat lah abis mood swing ni. Tak larat nak layan dah. Ade gak esok gua larikan diri ni...

Anger building up

When you want to hate but you can't

So you have to swallow all the feelings inside

And one day I'm pretty sure I'll be killed by all this anger thay I've been building up

In love..

So in love with the nature...

Jungle trekked to Sg Chiling last saturday. My knee was badly hurt and I had hard times getting over my fear of heights..but it was all worth it..

Subhanallah..

Senyum

"Harini ade kan.."

"Kata hari khamis...."

"Yela..ok..hari khamis"

*datang muka comel, naik sebelah, intai*

"Haa..bagus....*bebel bebel bebel bebel*"

"Okaaaayyyyyyy...yelaaa..."

Demikian drama sebabak kita hari ini. Lelaki yg suka bebel ni mcm comel jugak kan?

kthxbai

Weekend di JB

Tak balik this week so I had to find something to cheer me up.
This morning I woke up and cleaned up my room.

Headed to the gym to workout. Was happy to be greeted by my trainer. Did I told ye i had little crush on him? Lol. But just a harmless crush tho. Hanya memuji~ Had a good 4.48km run 40mins on the treadmill and burned 332kcal. Did a bit weights and had to rush out...

Went to Spa Manja for aromatherapy massage. So rejuvenating. Had lunch at subway and decided to stopby the sea to enjoy some scenery.

Back home and tried to cook something healthy for dinner. Ended up whipping a vegetable soup and had it with oats and sambal ikan bilis.

Counting down to next friday. I miss my room :(

Tarik tali

Macam main tarik tali sekejap kau datang sekejap kau hilang

Bila kau datang kau bagi rasa bagai nak terbang

Tp bila kau hilang, dapat tak kau bayang rasa bila orang disana lepaskan tali yang dipegang. Sakit. Jatuh. Tergolek.

Tp bodoh dan aku tak dapat dipisahkan. Bila kau datang lagi pantas laju tali itu aku pegang. Dan kita main lagi tarik tali.

Main lagi selagi ada hati. And when the phase is over, it's gonna be history, baby ;)

Sugul

Makin hari ingatkan makin biasa..

Tapi sebenarnya makin sugul kerja JB ni.

I am willing to do anything as long as I get to transfer back to Klang Valley including marrying any random guy from here. Now anyone would like to step up? Gagaga kthxbai.

Random thought

Been reviewing and rewinding things lately. 

 I wish I could dissect your brain and read what's on your mind. Are you just plain nice.  

 But if knowing things deeper might jeopardize things and end whateverthings that's going on right now, I'd rather not know and just enjoy the flow. Coz honestly I am really really comfortable with you around :-)

Bosan

Pre and post gym faces :)

When you need to feel better but you got no source of happiness....get some dose of endorphine. Work out. Sweat it out.

Mood sugul berleluasa at the time of the month. Sigh.

How I spent my weekend

Left JB at about 5pm and reached TBS around 9.40pm. I love Konsortium! They are punctual and they are quite fast. LOL. The only problem is I can only get off at TBS. Arrived TBS, had coffee to warm up my body. Washed up and prayed and I was picked up at around 10++. Went to Taman Dagang for late late dinner with my friends and their partners (saya solo rider. sobs. :P)

The next morning I took cab to my dentist. Tighten my braces. I'm on pink-coloured elastic now. Something new to me.

At around 11am went to Nadia and Empa's reception. Met up with my dear friends. Too bad only me and Wani of our little clan could make it. Mingled around and stayed back until around 4++pm to help out Wani. And there's something quite interesting happened towards the end I can only LOL. Rare phenomenon I must say..

Us at Nadiapa's reception. 

Later that nite I relaxed at home to watch Ireland beat Wales on their first 6nations game. Mr Zebo is so effing impressive. Later later went to Bukit Ampang just to unwind my tangled up mind. Such a refreshing session :)

Bukit Ampang, and kanak-kanak zaman sekarang bersosial dengan hp je..

 The next day I had lunch at Alicafe 3 rasa just because I was trapped by Hanis Zalikha's promotion at her blog. To be honest I should have expected this. The food are so-so.


Arrived TBS at 3.30pm and took bus back to JB at 5.

Siakap set meal. Quite a large portion for 2 people. But we managed to finish most of it. Buruk lantak!

End of another awesome weekend. Thank you, especially to you you you you. Wouldn't be that awesome without all of you :)

Routine

My boring weekdays schedule. Almost the same day in and day out. But actually i do prefer this kind of lifestyle. At least it is more disciplined and it sure does help me in maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

However to balance the dull life, my weekends are fully used with nonsense activities. Makan pun tak jaga sangat :p

Tentang rasa

Spent the whole day doing some purifications. Some serious thinkings. My heart...it hurts. It hurts so bad.

But what needs to be done..needs to be done...

Unfair

I never wanted to give up. But it has been too long. And I can no longer bear the pain.


So please let me go and let me move on. It is unfair for you to come and go whenever you want to. Because you know you are my weakness.



Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device.

Life is a cycle

Sewaktu kecil, ibu yang dodoikan kita, yang membelai kita, yang mengajar kita satu dua dan tiga. Akan tiba saatnya dalam hidup, giliran kita yang dodoikan ibu, belai dia, dan mungkin mengajarnya berkata-kata..


This is my grandma. She's down with stroke, leaving her half body paralysed. Reminded me so much of my late grandma (my father's mother)..

But Alhamdulillah she's blessed with 13 children. Seeing all my uncles, aunties and including my mom especially taking care of her..I knew she had raised them well.

Something that my uncle said last night left me pondering upon..

"Mak ni orangnya lemah lembut, tak menipu, tak mencuri, tak pernah tinggikan suara, tapi macam ni juga sakitnya. Apelah nasib kita suatu hari nanti.."

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Bertahan

I'm staying here for the weekend. Might go back to Muar tomorrow morning to visit mak and tok.


Part of the reason I don't go back is to detach myself from you. To ease the process of moving on..


It hurts but it is necessary before it gets worse
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Time to kill

There'll be a time in your life where you have to decide which road you would like to travel.


At this moment both roads seem so dark to me..both would hurt me equally bad.


But I'm deciding to let it go. To kill this feeling before it compromises something else. It will make me feel miserable and lonely as heck but I think it is for the best.


I hate the fact that I like you. I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you indirectly. I wanted to make it obvious but I'm just too shy. I have no confidence. So I'm going to give up trying. Lay low and let this feelings die a painful death.


Goodbye.

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Of making an investment

Sooooooo..as what I wrote in a few posts before, I'm going to enroll in a gym.


On the 1st of January 2013, I went to my first ever gym session. I must say it is a very costly investment.This is a very hard decision especially at this time where I badly want a new phone... Sigh..but I had to be tougher on myself.


I also got myself a personal trainer but since I'm on a very tight budget he will only be with me for 5 sessions. Why bother getting a personal trainer? Well..I've been doing things on my own to shed the first 15kg and it's going nowhere at the moment. I guess it's time to get an expert help. Plus it's good to try something new like lifting weights rather than the same ol same ol cardio exercises like treadmill and cross-trainer and a trainer is necessary so I can do it properly.


I enrolled in Style Fitness gym, it's about 10mins from my clinic, which is very convenient! I've also been reading a book that I bought in Big Bad Wolf - The Gym Survival Guide which is really good I must say!


A topic in the book states that we must reward myself for positive reinforcement. So here is my reward list.. LOL bukan main lagi siap ade list!


If I managed to go to gym at least 3 times a week for a month I'm going to get myself the gym bag that I saw and dying to get one in JPO..

The next 5kg shredded imma get myself a new phone..because I really really want one.

The next 8kg shredded I'm going to change the tinted glass of my car (which actually is abang's...but it's kind of mine now) because it is really really annoying to drive with the distorted tinted!


Ok cukup sampai sini dulu. Jangan letak harapan setinggi gunung sangat. Gagaga..

Bismillah...semoga dipermudahkan!
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Bila Rindu

Sometimes I really wanna tell you..but I'm not quite sure with my feeling either.

Sometimes I just wish you knew how I felt so things get easier.

Hello twothousandthirteen

Welcome, 2013. I hope you bring great things.

So how was my 2012?

I graduated dental school. One of the biggest achievement in my life. Alhamdulillah.

I left Ireland for good. And it was harder than I expected. And I still miss Cork. Until today. I miss the greens. The nature. The serenity.

I am back home. Back in Malaysia. Had hard time adjusting at first. But finally blended in well. Back to my family. Back to my friends.

But not for long. I started working. In JB. A place so alien to me. Which kinda breaks me a little inside. But I'm gathering strength, pieces by pieces. Trying to make the best out of this place.


2012, It was a good ride. Thanks for the memories :)


Bring it on 2013!
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