gloomy

Recently I've been meeting my SMSS friends. Actually, I've always looking forward to meeting them. It's been a long time since we got to sit nicely and talk about our life. However, suddenly I've started to feel reluctant to meet them.

No, not that I'm putting them away from my life. I just could not help from the gloomy feeling whenever they question on my ex-sahabat, Ahmad F Roslan or better known as Pj@Amd. People, i'm telling u, i've been working my ass off to concentrate on my life and rub his name out of life. Being in the same college with him is enough to torture me but now you are bombarding me with those questions??

Pueng told me I'm the one who should start mending the broken friendship. Ai told me it's not good to end a friendship but do I have the power to make things better??!?!?!?! Despite me telling u he's no longer my friend, I did, texted him on few occasions. I wished him on his birthday. I asked him to my house during raya and at the end of the day I was the one who'll be dissapointed! Thus, it is clearly written on the sky that we are not meant to be friend, anymore.

He used to occupy some space in my heart and now it is left unattended. I'm just too paranoid to let myself start to trust people again. After what had happened, I always tell myself : I don't even deserve to have a bestfriend. How would I deserve a place in anyone's heart?

I've once prayed, may Allah wont tear us apart, and put us in the same college. Because I need him, and he's one of the bestfriends that I always turned to. Allah granted my wish, but I forgot to pray for our friendship so it'll last forever. Right now, all I wish is just send us far away from each other and erase the memories forever.

Amin...

P/S : Too "disturbed" to write anything happier though there are lots of things to be shared out. I'll be back with a big smile once I got myself back.

ta.