laen kali bgtahu awal2 bukan bagitahu pukul 9.25pm

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Saying goodbye to 2021

 2021 was a very hard year to get through. 

Earlier in 2021, there were some dark moments when I kind of have been put aside when other people is dealing with some difficult time. It was really confusing and frustrating too. Since then my insecurities have gotten worse and even until now I think I can just be pushed aside again at any moments, maybe for a while, maybe for good.

As days goes by, 2021 became more difficult for my family. I lost count at how many times I broke down for so many reasons. Watching my mother cry countless times. It used to be a rare sight because my mother usually don't break down in front of us. Thinking about my nieces and their future and the possibility of getting further apart from them. Seeing my brother dealing with his broken heart and him losing cool at times. Swallowing the fact that I have kind of being deceived by my ex-SIL this whole time and trying to unlove her when all this while I have always enjoyed having a sister. 

All so painful to witness. So heartbreaking to deal with. Sometimes when it became too much to handle I just isolate myself at my "woman cave", watch Netflix all day long and just refuse to do anything productive. This has been my main coping mechanism, which is why until now, getting this studio has been my favourite impulsive purchase. 

To be fair to 2021, there were also some good parts too. Started my job at a new place was very refreshing and challenging at the same time. I have to admit there are still so many things to learn. In fact, maybe my skill hasn't improved that much but I take this year as my observation period. Moving on to this year, I will have to start to invest on things that will improve my quality of work and enhance my skills. I had a very interesting offer to take over a very established clinic but had to decline it as I have still so much to learn. Semoga ada rezeki yang lebih baik in the future.

I was also glad to volunteer as C19 vaccination team. When I left my last job, money was not the main issue. I left because I felt useless, stuck doing almost nothing when the nation was fighting a pandemic. So when I resigned, I wanted to make sure I can still do something for the community and the opportunity to volunteer is something I wouldn't miss. 

Overall 2021 was not a year that I want to relive. Realistically, things wouldn't magically get better overnight, so 2022 might not be that easy too. However, I do hope that things get better over time. I don't have big expectations for 2022. I just want less bad things and tears, or at least grant me with strength and ketabahan hati, maybe colder heart so I don't have feelings anymore. 

Kitaran Kerisauan

Back here to my old tempat meluah segala kerisauan that I have abadoned for a while. Sorry blog. I turned to you only in sorrow and worries nowadays.

And I am in my highest peak of kitaran kerisauan these days.

People left and right are moving on with their lives. It kinda puts up pressure to me. Friends of my age are getting married. Friends having new babies. I mean, I am really happy for them but it kinda makes me more, like a loser. Am i going to end up alone for the rest of my life? I mean, for some reason I am not really that lonely. I do have my company but in the end, I am still all by myself with all the uncertainties.

Career wise, although I am very thankful with where I am right now but I still think I need to start doing more. Seeing people start progressing with the careers taking up courses here and there made me feel very much kebelakang. Of course I have taken the giant leap of faith by resigning almost a year ago, if I have stayed at the same place I don't know what will happen to my skills but I think it's just not enough.

All of these are making me worried and sad and I just don't know how to comfort myself. I always turned to working out for my source of endorphin but had my right leg injured so this is really a bummer. Ended up crying and worrying and more worrying. I know this won't solve the problem but at the moment that's all I can do.

Bersabarlah duhai hati. Just keep on trusting His plan. Sesungguhnya hanya Dia Maha Mengetahui 😔

Hey GEMOKNYA!

 Aku stress lah sebab gemok ni. So stressed til I come out with this post 😭

It is so hard to shed off even 1 kg these days. So hard. But I tried to do a bit of briskwalk every other day. But still not enough to shed off my weight. Of course la makan pun susahnya nak jaga nowadays. Entah kenapa la. Do I need to go under the knife to shed off some kilos. Masalahnya aku bukan kaya macam ehem ehem nak buat gastric bypass 🙊

Beskal pulak...I was traumatized after starting on cleat because I fell off a few times and injured my knee. Both my bad knee and okay knee. Can't afford to injured them anymore. Sekarang ni ada phobia lain macam bila naik basikal. I hope I get over this phase soon and regain my confidence back. Hwaaa tak seronok ya sampai menggeletar-geletar kalau naik basikal ni sebab trauma!

This post is going nowhere, I see. Just luahan budak gemok sebab gemok, tapi malas berusaha nak kurus. Makan suka, gemok tak suka. Biasaaaaa dia tu. 

How is my life ? Loving my job so far. Except the part that I haven't got my vaccine against C19, working life is so far so gooood. Kalau kerja lama aku dah pegang placard "saya sudah divaksinkan" or something liddat la. Of course, hari-hari pergi kerja kau akan nervous akan cabaran yang mendatang, but that also got me going too. Hari-hari I am humbled by the experience. Cemana nak handle makcik cranky. Cemana jangan balas api dengan api, kalau patient datang dalam marah macammana kau nak jadi yang lebih tenang. Got my surgery room reorganized. Siap beli speaker, pasang diffuser nak bagi aura ketenangan. Over je kau nyah jangan hangat-hangat taik ayam sudeyh. Overall, Alhamdulillah. Best decision ever made so far 😆

A Whole New World

 Hello 2021, apparently the twin sister of 2020 eyh? 

Started in my new workplace. A whole new world for me. Eventhough I have been working here for 5 years but that was on part time basis. Now that I'm working full time, it does feel very different. Like all this while I have been doing basic stuff, but now I'm facing a more, real, stuff.

I wanted some challenges in my career after feeling a little bit plateaued from my previous workplace, bamm I got thrown various challenges on this first 10 days. I feel like a student all over again and it made me even more alarmed of much of a comfort zone I was in the past 6 years. In my first 3 days, I have already seen multiple challenging cases and different kind of people. I was flustered at first. But no I'm slowly picking up myself and try to relearn everything.

We are in our MCO state yet again. I was worried at first. I mean, my pay is really relying on the number of cases I handle. But then again I began to see the hikmah behind this. At least I got more time to learn about things. Alhamdulillah, things...so far has been so good. Tapi bila kerja macamni, kebergantungan pada Allah tu jadi lebih tinggi dari biasa. Like each day I wake up I pray that everything goes well.

Menyesal kah quit? Alhamdulillah so far tidak. I got what I want. I want to wake up and feel excited going to work. I don't want my career to go stagnant doing same things day in day out. I get to do stuff. The more I do, the more I get insyaAllah. But it's never really about the $$, it's about making my career alive, again. Tapi tipu la kalau tak rindu UiTM. 6 tahun menghadap rutin yang sama mestila ada rasa kehilangan. But I'm loving my 10am punch in time because a lot of things can be done from the moment I wake up, until before I leave for work. Balik tu je la ada rasa lambat sikit but so far okay la. Not too bad.

Here's to a whole new year, and a whole new world. Semoga yang baik-baik aja untuk hari ini, esok dan selamanya.

Earlier Than Expected

 It's happening....earlier than expected. Dang, I am not ready to let go this place just yet. 

Thinking of taking 2 weeks of my last month of service, but apparently I cannot do that. I have called the HR earlier on to enquire, just not to the correct person so my bad jugak la. They said I can always do it manually rupanya tak. Lepas dah tender baru la I talked to the correct person and got a correct information. Cisss..I don't want to upset my boss tapi tadi muka dia ada sikit berubah tadi bila cakap nak shorten notice. So here I am, making last minute decision.

Initially I wanted to at least finish this year, to the whole month because they are kinda short of manpower. Tapi bila dah jadi cenggini, ku terpaksa jadi half selfish and take the last 2 weeks off. 

Pick up and gather yourself. Let's go for this roller coaster ride.

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahim

The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

 The news is finally out. Fuh.

I have always wondered the direction of my career. For some reasons, I don't quite see myself growing old at where I am right now. However, I didn't give very much thought about quitting just yet because, well, I don't have valid reasons to do so.

I have been offered the place where I am doing my part time around a year ago? 2 years ago? Been working with her since 2014 on alternate weekends, so I kinda knew the place for a while. When I was offered, I was quite afraid in the beginning. And the offer came again earlier this year....

The place where I work is already the most comfortable place in the whole wide world! An 8-5 job, with stable and increasing income every year.. I get to do a little bit more stuff from the gahmen clinic. And this recent year, I get to do something more of my passion - fitness related stuff which I won't get to do at somewhere else, I think. I get to go places I won't go by myself, doing things I wouldn't think I would do. But I did. And it was such a good experience.

SO why would I leave this place? Well, when things get too comfortable, I begin to question about MY CAREER. The degree that I worked for 5 years. It is going stagnant at the moment. I looked around. My friends - where are they right now, and I tend to compare myself. I began to question myself. I am not married yet. My career is at plateau phase. What have I achieved in this 33 years?

Moreover when the world is hit with the pandemic, my job was pretty..useless. I wanted to help, I wanted to do more. I do get a little bit of chance to do little things, but it is too little too late as I have started to give deeper consideration to quit. 

I have made istikharah. Asked around for opinions. Researched a bit. Made some calculations for my commitments because my pay is commission-based with basic that is not as stable as what I get right now. And finally am ready to go out of my comfort zone. Taking this big leap of faith.

It is scary. Full of uncertainties. Tapi tak cuba tak tahu kan. At least with the new job insyaAllah, I get to do more, and my voices are heard 😄

Oh My EYES

Last few days I noticed my vision started to become blurry, and it started to worry me. I have been using spectacles since I was 8 so I know the difference between increased power and something..unusual.

So I made an urgent appointment with the ophthalmologist at a private center. Could have gotten an appointment at Sungai Buloh but my problem was getting a tad too annoying. Nak drive pun a bit terganggu sebab blur. Drive malam pun teruk with the lights and all. My eyes also became extra teary.

 

Had a thorough checkup, given a few solutions for the examination, including the liquid that dilates my pupils. Thank God I brought a driver because my vision was so blurry for at least 3 hours I think. Turns out, I have a very, very dried eyes that the surface of my eyes is gritty. Something called punctate epithelial erosions. The tears I produced lacked of mucous. I have also developed some sort of allergy to contact lens, which is pretty normal for someone who has been wearing it for a very long time. 

So I have to be off contact lens for at least a month ( 3 months optimum actually but I'd like the least option :P) and was given 2 types of eyedrops. One which I have to use 2 hourly. Had to fork out a hefty amount for the checkup though, sedikit sedih tapi tulah, beli beskal boleh takkan dengan diri sendiri pun berkira kan. Kakaka..

My vision is still blurry. There are some good days, some bad days la. Like yesterday, it was okay in the morning, but later towards the end of the days it starts to be blurry. I need to rest my eyes more. But today, it is blurry even from the morning. Just hoping it does not get too severe later today. It is okay if I don't have to work because I don't have to "use" my eyes too much (for driving, etc). 

Semoga penglihatanku kembali pulih seperti sediakala. Aminn..

My Plate Is Full

 On one hand, I have workload from A, with deadlines and criteria to be met. Had to be delivered perfectly. No flaws expected. Aimed for the highest.

On the other hand, I have workload from B. A new thing to me. Still so much to learn. But am expected to deliver nonetheless. 

On top of that, my own job also needs to be attended. Still need to be present.

At one point, it does get a little too much but I am trying to bertahan as best I could. Still trying my best to give my all to all things put on my plate. It is tiring but what choice do I have?

Finding THE Reason

 In a straight highway where the roads are kinda boring, but safe and guaranteed to the destination, we will come across a new path where roads are winding but exciting.

So you keep wondering to yourself, which roads should be taken. You started to think of taking that big leap of faith. But there are things that hold you back. There are things you can't seem to let go.

Until you were given a reason.

So you started thinking to yourself - is this it?

Trying To Contain A Flame

I slept with a question I needed an answer last night and woke up to no answer this morning. So naturally, I was mad lah kan. I kinda knew the answer already but the way I had to dig for the answer....itu yang buat aku angin actually. Lepastu balas amarah dengan amarah. Memang gone lah mood already. 

Plus I am still burdened by the problem going around people close to me. It is hard to witness. It's hard on eyes on my brain. I wanted to close eyes and pretend I don't care. But I can't. I am trying my best not to be affected by it. But I can't. At the moment I can just pray and hope for the best. 

To add fuel to the flame, I was given another task at work. Very small time frame to execute. Really, really, really stressful. Plus everything had to be delivered perfectly. 

Very close to give up everything in this life. But then I came to read a blog I frequented and see how that person just hadap segala masalah yang dia ada dengan cara dia. It comforted me a bit. 

Hoping for better days to come.

Getting Old

A lot of time, I get a tad too emotional around my birthday. Tak pasti mengapa. Marah kerana menjadi tua barangkali 😭 

I actually planned to take a day off on my birthday to pamper myself. Unfortunately this year it falls on a day before Raya Haji. So naturally a lot of people will be taking leaves on that day and a colleague of mine requested to swap our standby day because she'll be on leave too. What choice do I have...dah la single rumah dekat takkan nak jadi selfish pula kan. So I agreed.

I already anticipate me being grumpy and upset on that day. In fact I am already one since yesterday. Cried on random things. Orang dapat suprise pun aku nangis. SMS puji bini dia pun aku nangis. Some random dad got guitar as present from his kiddos pun aku nangis. Ergh...getting older is not fun. And this is not me PMSing. I just had my menses last week.

Sigh. I hate this feeling right here

Forgiveness

There’s so much truth in this.


Where am I right now, what I am dealing with is because of the path I took during the past. And I still haven’t forgiven myself and everything or anything that had happened. I tried to let it go, i tried to erase it from my memory, but I just couldn’t. Thinking about it itself brings so much anger and I am so disgusted at myself.


Not quite sure how long will I have this feeling. I am pretty happy with my current life. But I still wouldn’t be able to grant forgiveness to the past.

Nadzirah

A SeoulSearching Trip To Remember

Day 48? 47? of MCO and 2 months post travel, and I finally have the mood to jot down the trip I had to Seoul. For some reasons, I just can't seem to bring myself to write a post padahal this is the time to note about this memorable time. The trial time where we had to be homebound ourselves due to the deadly Sars-Cov-2 virus or notoriously known as the Covid19 disease. I remembered complaining about how tiring it was to work since the new semester started especially now that we are one man (or woman) down and bammm suddenly we were out of work for more than a month. What a time to live in huh?

Okay back to the main point...my trip to Seoul. The shortest planning time ever. Motivated by the airfare discount by MAS last November. I was kinda reluctant to go because I just came back from Japan last September. Usually it would take me at least 6 months to plan for a trip. Most of the time, more. I need to plan my finance wisely. My leaves. However after some convincing done by Wany, I followed through. The very least prepared trip. I don't even have plans where to go until the last days before going.

Around the time we were going, they were already outbreak of Covid19 cases around the world. We had dilemma, but since it was still quite early and the number of cases were around 50 in Korea when we were about to go, we proceeded anyway. However I must say, traveling with being very cautious of not catching the disease is no fun at all. I had to be paranoid to almost everything I was touching. I tried not to touch the train pole. The staircase handle. I even took less pictures because most of the time I had my mask on and my hands inside my coats to avoid touching unnecessary things!

We flew with MAS on February 19th with midnight flight and reached Seould early in the morning. Took bus to the hotel in Myeondong to leave our luggages. Too bad they did not allow early check in so we decided to just proceed with going to Gyeongbokgung Palace on that very first day. Yeap, we haven't showered for more than 12 hours already by that time 😓 Rented the traditional Hanbok and we burst to laughter seeing ourselves in this very girly Hanbok with very princess-ish vibe. SO not me. Had lunch at Kampungku restaurant, went back to hotel to shower, rest a bit and went out again to experience Myeondong street and food at night. Also pergi the 11 floor building of Daiso. Ye, kita experience most of the floors okay. GIgih tak. Oh we stayed at Days Hotel by Wyndham. Very strategic. Near to the famous shopping street and train station.

Day 1 - Gyeongbokgung, Myeongdong Street. 11-floor-building DAISO!

On the second day we already pre-booked trip with Klook to 3 places - Railbike in Geongchon (?), Petit France and the ever famous Winter Sonata Nami Island. Costed us around RM200 I think for the journey all-inclusive except for food of course. The journey took 1.5 hours bus ride from Myeondong. Firstly we cycled on a railbike to tour around this Gongcheon area. It was kind of chilly. Interesting kind of tourist attraction. At least dapat la senam sikit kan. Petite France - miniature of houses and all-things, French? Ada Eiffel tower etc. This was significant place for Running Man fans sebab one of the episodes was filmed here. Jeju Island took around 10 minutes ferry ride from the jetty. Kejap je tak sempat nak tido pun. We had lunch here, and there was a praying area too. Senang boleh jamak Zohor Asar sekali. Honestly takde apa sangat pun melainkan the winter vibe, the trees tapi betul la, the way you market the place matters. Entahnya kalau Pantai Senik dekat KB tu kalau properly marketed pun bole jadi hype macam Nami ni kuhkuhkuh.

Railbike tu bole naik 4 orang. Dekat Jeju ada jugak memorial coffee house where the couples were filmed etc.

On the third day we had free and easy day. Went to Namdaemun to shop for brooches. Too bad the main place was already closed down due to the Covid19 outbreak. At that point, there was already chaos about the Shinniseoji temple outbreak. We remained cautious. Nak jalan pun seriously risau. Masked on almost full time. Anyway, nasib ada  a few small shops still open so we get to shop brooches and souvenirs at Namdaemun. Ada window shop winter jacket ingat nak beli sebab affordable dan cantik tapi terlupa nak patah balik! Kahkahkah. We then proceeded to Bukchon Hanon Village, a residential that still retained the traditional houses. Menarik ya how they managed to preserve the are until now. Kalau kat Malaysia dah lama nak robohkan dan dibangunkan semula. Petang tu kita attempted to go to Namsan tower tapi it was too windy so the cable car didn't work. Malas nak naik bas so we just decided to go the next day. Malam tu buat last minute skincare shop semua and found my skincare holy grail - Mamonde! So glad I made the decision to try it because I'm lovin' it.

Bukchon Hanon Village and the pintu gerbang of Namdaemun. Tak ramai dah sangat orang time ni. Tapi kagum dekat most of tourist attraction, they placed guides untuk tunjuk arah takut orang sesat! Bagus gila.

The last day we went to Namsan tower since semalam dah tak jadi. Tak masuk pun conservatory deck tu sebab kena bayar lagi. Took pictures. Pergi and balik the cable car area still kena menapak. Semalam the first attempt kita naik bukit very the gigih one tapi harini kita cheat skit sebab we took the escalator. Turun from Namsan, we strolled around Myeongdong one last time before we went to Coex Mall to take pictures at the library. Ye, semata-mata kerna gambar ya.  Oh by this time, we already had our luggages sent to Airport, bought the service from Klook. Very convenient! Senang nak berjalan kesana kesini tak bawa luggage since our flight was 12 midnight. Went to Ittaewon and sempat jamak zohor dekat Ittaewon Mosque. I can't really imagine how big it was sebab kita solat tempat Muslimah which was quite small. Tapau Halal Guys fries on the way back (semalam dah makan the kebab aaa sukaaa...sebab rindu rasa Kebab oversea lol) and took Arex, the airport shuttle to Incheon. Pun bought from Klook for RM19. Took us around 1 h 20 m. Baloi la kan KLIA express 50 minutes 55RM  kot.

Last day at our hotel. Took escalator to cable car. The view from Namsan Tower and tower itself. Ittaewon Mosque and the ever famous Coex Mall library.

Food in Seoul? Not too bad. But I like Japanese food more. Hikhik. We tried the famous fried cikin, bulgogi, the bbq, coffeee, dessert. But I definitely had confidence to try street food in Seoul sebab diorang claim Halal. Harap deme tak menipu ler. Tried the strawberry soufle pancake (10/10 sedap woi!) Egg bun (8/10 cam bahulu telur tapi because aku peminat telur aku suke je la), fish bun apa tah pun sedappp (9/10) Tried a few coffeeshops memang sedap la coffee sana aku pun tak pasti kenapa famous kat sana.  

Myeondong street food. Fish bun, mini gimbap, egg bun dan macam-macam lagi lah. 

Coffee shops - and my favourite bagels!!

Halal Guys - kebab terbaeks. Jajangmyeon at Nami Island. BBQ at Myeongdong. Fried cikin at Kampungku and Bulgogi at Eid Ittaewon.

Skincare haul! Tapi mostly untuk souvenir la sebab tu je affordable. Muahaha. 

All in all, it was a short one but definitely a memorable one. Tapi tak seronok la travel waktu camni sebab kau akan rasa paranoid sepanjang masa. Even when I reached home I tried to avoid meeting people as best as I could tapi apakan daya kerja aku memang berjumpa manusia. No order to quarantine by my superiors so I went to work as usual. But I noted my whereabouts just in case. Was paranoid of myself until almost a month. Alhamdulillah, Tuhan selamatkan kami. We could be like the famous case #136 super spreader dari Korea yang bawa ke jemaah tabligh tu kan, who knows. Dahlah katanya dia kerja Kampung Restaurant where we had lunch, twice 😞


Punyalah reluctant nak pergi, dijadikan cerita this could be the last time traveling oversea for this year, or maybe next year too since the virus is pretty much out there and no vaccine yet. Let us pray this nightmare will end soon, insyaAllah. Merindui kehidupan dapat bertebaran secara bebas tanpa kerisauan.

Hola 2020!

We have finally reached 2 0 2 0. Wow. Dulu dekat sekolah kita nyanyi lagu Wawasan 2020 rasa macam jauh tiba-tiba dah hey, harini. It's 2020.


To recap 2019 - Japan, letting go of my baby V and getting VEA, represented UiTM/my department in sports are a few of the highlights of the year. I aimed to travel abroad and I achieved. Letting go of baby V on the other hand..is kind of unplanned. Especially when I am not quite ready to commit to another loan yet. BUT, the damage is done. Just gotta move forward and try my best to adjust. Gotta work harder I guess 😏


Found out my cholesterol level is quite high. Freaked out a bit. Weight is still to much. But I started to frequent the gym, like at least once a week. Just making sure my knees ankles and joints are working well. Did not join that much of running event. I haven't even registered any runs for next year and that is so not me. Still considering whether to join MWM or not because last year we ran in PJ and it sucks. I don't like it. They are still doing it in PJ so I am still reconsidering.


The hopes for 2020... I think pretty much the hopes for every year. Travel. Career progress. Lose weight. Settling down. I'm already booked to somewhere this February and this is the shortest time I had to prepare for travel. By prepare I mean collecting funds. This is a very unplanned trip. But I went for the sake of Wany. The timing is not right too but I'll just have to try my best.


Let's just hope 2020 brings lesser heartbreaks and headaches. And probably start to make my circle smaller and keep only those who matters 😊

I love you 356354

This is a tribute to the one that has been with me for the past 7 years. 

We've been together since I started working. For 2 years, it brought me safely through 323km journey South to East and 323km East to South safely, regardless of the time. 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am, just name it. Ulang alik JB-KL-JB Pontian-KL-Pontian. Ulang alik Pontian JB. It has traveled to all the states in the Peninsular. Be it solo trip, or with companies. 

It has been the witness of the stories of my life. Tempat mendengar keluhan tentang kehidupan. Tempat menadah setiap airmata setiap kali dikecewakan. Yang jadi saksi insan-insan yang pernah hadir dalam hidup. 

You are a very reliable companion and I thank you for all these years we've been together. On your last day, we already traveled 356354km. 

Thank you, and goodbye. 

Sedang Cuba Bertahan

I had kind of a major breakdown on Friday night that I ended up crying for almost an hour.  I felt like I was at the lowest of the lowest point of my life. The next day I woke up, I tried to gather myself and be strong. Thank God I had to attend a program so I had my mind taken off for a while.

On Sunday I received another devastating news. Kinda feel like the whole world crashing down on me. I mean...I'm already feeling that it would be easier if my life ends now so I won't be hear another things that would break my heart. But I held on. Tried to gather every positive aura that would keep me going.

I'm trying to accept there are things we can't control in life. That things happen. Things change. And everything is temporary. Even our lives. There are reasons why things happen. And that God wouldn't put us through tests if we can't handle it.

Cuma perlu bertahan. Just keep going. 

I am sad

It has been a hectic week, juggling with my tumbling and unstable emotions, as well as managing work. My team went for the nationals and managed to secure the highest band, Alhamdulillah eventhough we didnt make it to the top 20. A little bit of mixed emotion there but I would just leave it as it is. Soal rezeki, ada nanti ada lah.

Aside from that I am fighting with my feelings. It has been a very tiring week especially emotionally. Things might have been getting better, or at least the intense phase has passed but it still feels empty.

To make this week a complete series of sad things, I have confirmed my suspicions that  my best friend of work is resigning. I mean...I have already broke down a few times this week. I cried to sleep. I cried on the way to work. This news is another cry-worthy thing but I am physically so exhausted I had to resort to another way of expressing my sadness. However, she's leaving for the sake of her family and the fact that this place might not suit her need. It is pretty tiring this days with overflow of patients. I had to excuse myself from seeing patients for this few days but I'm always feeling guilty doing so knowing how tiring would it be for them to work without another 1 manpower. It must be hard for them. Anyway... I should make peace with the fact that she's leaving because it is for her happiness.

I hope with a few tasks and events already completed by this week, things would be better. I am just tired mentally, physically and emotionally. I already let go a few locum sessions eventhough this is the hardest month for me, financially. Might need to take out my savings di hari tua. Harap ada rezeki lain nanti :(

Konniciwa!

One of my wishlist this includes traveling abroad. After months of planning, I finally hopped on the plane to the land of rising sun - Japan!

The planning started since January before I got busy with KIK and other things. I kinda had things booked and planned by then. Actually I was on another mission which was to watch Ireland playing Rugby World Cup..and the journey to securing a ticket was one heck of a nervewrecking journey. Thank God it was worth it.

I restructured my plans about 2 months before going when I found out about Klook. Klook really came in handy when it comes to travelling I would recommend everyone to use it!


Reached Haneda Airport and spent a night at Henn Na Haneda Hotel.  A nice,cosy hotel which had automatic machine for reception. Bilik dia siap ada steamer cum deodorizer cum iron i is kagum hokay!

 The next day I travelled to Shinjuku to my 2nd hotel - Citadine Central Shinjuku to leave my luggages. I was lucky they allowed early check in at around 12 so I had time to have lunch, and settle my Zohor and Asar before going to the stadium. Sempat la jalan around Shinjuku since we arrived the city quite early. The hotel is just nice, a little bigger compared to Henn Na Haneda Hotel. Walking distance to Shinjuku busy places.


Took around 1 hour to reach Yokohama from Shinjuku. The train was jam-packed in Yokohama. When I reached the stadium..it was surreal. Rasa nak nangis pun ada but mostly I was grinning ear-to-ear la. What made it sweeter was Ireland won against Scotland with bonus point. Took a train back to Shinjuku and had dinner at Kebab-ya (6ooyen) before I called it a day.

Arrived International Yokohama Stadium

Enjoying the view

The next day I travelled around Tokyo. Asakusa, Akihabara, Shibuya. Japan is a nice country. Had a little feeling of Europe but...Asian. Haa kau faham tak. Entah tak tahu susah camne nak explain la. Had Coco-Ichibanya's chicken curry for lunch which was super yum and very generous portion (for 1180yen) and Gyumon for dinner (3000yen)

Asakusa

Akihabara

Asakusa

Shibuya

Shinjuku

Coco icibanya chicken cutlet curry sedap nak mati

Gyumon for wagyu

The next day I took a 2.5h bus ride to Lake Kawaguchiko to experience Mount Fuji. There are certain recommended times to actually witness the whole of Mount Fuji, and I actually get to see one on the way but I thought it would remain that way but as I arrived, the dark clouds start to parade around Mount Fuji and covered the top. A little bit frustrated so I took earlier bus back to Tokyo. Checked-in at APA Ginza Kyobashi Hotel since it's just a walking distance to Tokyo Station. Smallest hotel compared the ones I've been to Haneda and Shinjuku and the bed is too soft. Nasib la duduk kejap je.

Matcha x Vanilla ice cream in front of covered-peak Mount Fuji!

Saviour! Kembara Meals so you can eat warm meal anywhere, anytime!

The next day I took Shinkansen (Japanese bullet train) from Tokyo to Kyoto. Kyoto gives me a little bit of Aussie vibe for some reason. That's what unique about Japan. One country but each city gives different feelings. Just stopped by to go to Arashiyama Bamboo Forest, Nishiki Market, had lunch at Ayam-ya for their ramen (980yen+onsen tak ingat berapa) and took train to Osaka.

Arashiyama Bamboo Forest

Pickles at Nishiki Market

Seafood at Nishiki Market

Ayam-ya Spicy Ramen

Arrived Osaka and proceeded to my next accomodation - S.Training Center Osaka. A little bit distant from Osaka Station. And they were strict with the 4pm check-in so I did my laundry while waiting. Checked-in, showered and bersiap untuk keluar. They have shuttle from the hotel to Osaka Station every 20 mins but until 9pm. Malam tu dah keluar balik lambat terpaksa menapak.

I had the Osaka Amazing Pass but since a little bit tight with time, did not get to utilize the pass fully. Malam tu makan halal takoyaki at Namba shopping area - nama kedai Creo-Yu kalau tak silap (680yen) and shopping dekat favourite place ever in japan - Don Quijote :D

Tempozan Ferris Wheel

Shinsaibashi Shopping street

The last day, brought my luggages and left it at Namba Station since I'm taking the Nankai Line Express to the airport later. Went to Matsuri for lunch. Sedap gila okonomiyaki dia woiii. Sushi macam so-so je. Strolled around Namba and Shinsaibashi for last minute shopping. Flew out from Kansai International Airport. 

Fried Curry Rice

Okonomiyakisedapnakmati

A plate of various suhi

Telurgulunglupanama

Mochi

Maka berakhirlah trip Japan kali ini. Very tight schedule. I think one day I'm going to return to Japan untuk trip yang lebih tenang. Gagahkan juga buat post kalini sebagai kenang-kenangan :)

A weird.....MISSION?

At one point of my life where I seem to be left behind my other friends, I actually have a wish to resign from their life. Like, withdraw, cut connection, and go on silent mode. In fact, I have started to do to a few. And honestly, it didn't affect our lives that much tho - cause you learn to adapt.


There are a few exceptions that i’ll have to make tho. Like Fuzah...she is one of the people who I’d like to be there for her for the rest of my life. And Wani too, as well as Ayu. And Wany too.


Memories will remain. Dark pasts perhaps will be put aside one day. But for now, goodbye to new memories 😊