Go With The Flow

The mantra that I have been holding on to lately - GO WITH THE FLOW

I used to be very very frustrated when things don't go my way. Like, hati panas meletop kebabow like that. But recently I have slowly been educated to let loose a little bit and let things go with the flow. Not all that you plan goes accordingly. I haven't fully grasped the concept, but I am trying my best to  berlapang dada and accept everything that has been destined and fated.

It's not in my power to steer things to go my way.

It's not in my power to make people stay.

I do have my hopes. I do have my dreams. Who doesn't want to be happy? But a girl like me can only pray. And hold onto the faith.

Someday, somehow. One sweet day, insyaAllah.

Still trusting your plans, Ya Rabb. 

The lioness is calm now

There's a thing about the persistence that made me gave in and become...calmer. Like no matter how cold I became, he held on and never counter it back to make things worse. Nor didn't he stay silent for too long from me. Still there, despite my cold replies. 

And little little things that he said like "taknak la macam ni..", "esok i try curi masa for lunch okay" yada yada bla bla that just silent the demons inside my head. 

I am afterall very easy to please and tame. 

Praying, and praying hard. Make things fall easy for me, for us.  

Anger

I had a nap just now because I was too tired from jogging and cleaning the house.

And I had quite a, hmm dream.

In that dream I went to somewhere for a short trip. It was kinda like a sea, but it has tunnel that we can paddle our boat cum tube along the sea-tunnel. Aneh, but this is a dream of course it it strange like this.

On the way back I found out my car got stolen. And the person who stole my car, actually sent me and my friends back to our place using his car. Lepastu I asked about my car and he said sorry, I stole it. And he flew away. What the hell kan?

I was so angry. I yell and yell at someone and I was really really angry. I threw away things. The feeling was so real that I woke up, still in angry mode and went down to check my car. Alhamdulillah it's still there. Perasan sangat kan sapelah nak curik kereta awak tu?


I don't know, but what I can conclude from my dream :

1) I am angry at certain things now. Hmm. I truly am. But i'm trying my best to keep it to myself. The other person has sensed it but I'm just going to stay silent. If he doesn't make an effort to fix my mood by tonight, I am going to make a decision. This could be me PMSing for all we know but whatever.

Eh iols memang camni. During times when I get angry over people, I give myself a cooling off period, but at the same time I give a range. If the person doesn't come back to me within the range that I draft in my mind, I will make a conclusion and start making a decision. Lols.

2) I love my car. This one goes without saying lah. In this bad economy time, I can't afford to buy a new car. So I'm going to stick to my baby for as long as possible.

Cycle of Life

Finding some time and inspiration to come out with some post about something that has been bothering me lately.

Too tired from the classess that I attended this weekend. I'll find some time to write later.

Doa

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering"

- Paulo Coelho

Berkecamuk

Time of the month again. And a few things happened. That made me even more unhappy.


I don't know what or how to say it.


Hoping this shitty feeling goes away soon :(

Alahai Sayang

Sekali lagi, my beloved baby gave me the scare of my life. Haih. Nasiblah sayang..


Last Saturday I went to get V serviced. I complained to the mechanic about the annoying sound and he said my bearing needs to be changed. It was kinda pricey but I was too lazy to think anymore. Plus ai am the kind of person who hates going to workshop because I know nothing about cars.

Cut the story short, I had my bearing changed. The next day I noticed it made a scary sound like besi bergesel. Aku dah panic. All my plans had to be canceled because of the sound. Hoi nasib la baik pagi2 sempat gi jog and locum.


Today I went again. Took a time off. But unfortunately they couldn't get it done. Later they told me it needed to be sent to another workshop that I had to follow. Aku dah lah tengah kerja ni. Haih.


It's all good now hopefully. Tp siryes pening lah sayangku nan satu ni. Nak tukaq takdak fulus.


Hopefully no more probs coming from you, V. Kakak love you with all my heart but at the moment I have a lottttttttttt of things that make me pening pls dont make me more stressed.

Rusty

Brushing off my anatomy after what felt like aeon years ago since I last touched the subject.


Tak pastila otak masih berfungsi ke tak ni oiii...


First attempt for my career progress. Hope this is not the last one.

Bismillah..

Life

In life we make a lot of choices. Good ones, bad ones. And we deal with the consequences.


I'm taking some time off to have just me-time to reflect what I want and will try to come out with a conclusion before the weekend is done. Will hopefully do things on my own that will make me clear my mind. Jogging, shopping, cooking.

Chemistry

We clicked quite well from the moment we know each other. I am a very reserved person and I usually don't get warmed up to strangers that fast. However with this certain someone, the numbers just don't add up and there is no valid reason why we connected well that fast.

So we blame it on the chemistry. 

Chemistry is such a mysterious but no doubt, a wonderful thang. A friend made a remark that I'm a sucker for a sweet talker. Yup, gotta admit at times he is. But it takes more than a sweet talk to get me this...crazy. 

After the professional lunch, we finally have our normal meetup. And somebody brought up some issues from the lunch that I felt the same too. How awkward it was. What we wished we have done. Bla di bla bla. I really don't know how to put it into proper words but that certain somebody has really spoken what's in my mind. And we talked about some other things. And we sighed to certain things..

And we blame it on the chemistry again. 

Erghh...I so hate myself for being this weak

But yeah, I'm a happy camper after getting my dose of happy pill :P

A sad day

I woke up to a very sad news today. My favourite teacher back in SMSS, Teacher Irene passed away after around 3+ years battle with cancer.

She was my favourite teacher. She made me love Chemistry. She made me want to score in my subjects.

It was indeed a sad day. Have a good rest, Teacher Irene, you well deserved one.


On another note, lately a lot of my FB friends went to perform their Umrah. I got really envious seeing them getting the chance to do one. I did mine when I was in Standard 3. I'm missing the place so much. Longing to be there. Had it not because of the Mahram thing, I would have try my best to be there. Hmm. Really hope I get to be in the holy place soon.

Trusting your plans, Ya Allah. Always. 

A Professional Lunch

It had to be professional this time. Lunch hour this time, there is some deal need to be made with him and her colleague. Of course she had to tag along. 


They reached the place. She saw him from afar, they wore a matching-coloured outfit today. What a coincidence. And her colleague made a remark about their matching outfits. They just smile and laughed it off. 


A professional kind of lunch, is not their typical. They went separate cars. They had to refrain from making private jokes.  They had to avoid from..touching each other. 


She tried not to look at him as much.  So she kept her eyes on her phone, something not quite she typically do when she's with him. Once or twice, they spoke few words, but it had to be stopped before her colleague could sense how close they were. The lunch felt longer than ever. Full of awkwardness and at times, quite tickling.


The lunch is finally over. They went separate ways. Her colleague made her way first and she just wanted to leave as quickly as possible but she turned around to bid him goodbye, he sent her a flying kiss. 

Damn. 

Back home

"I tahu you ada dua feeling. Satu sedih sebab mak abang you semua kat sana. Satu lagi excited nak balik sebab jumpa I kan"

Rolled my eyes although what was said is not totally wrong :P

Back home, safe and sound, Alhamdulillah. Although, home doesn't really count as one when all your family isn't there.

Initially I didn't want somebody to pick me up because I wanted to attend some event. Tapi entah macammana terkeluar satu topik pasal balik while I was there mengada rindu sana sini terjadi pula. Dia almost couldn't make it for some reasons, I was okay with it since okay la iols pun adehal kan. But he managed to be there anyway. In the end, all went well. I got to spend time with him as well as attended the event later on. 

I put on his perfume because I need to rush to the event and I was too lazy to get mine. Ended up smelling like him, I keep on sniffing my wrist like an addict. He's my marijuana, I know I need to put it under control. But kasi can la okay? I just got back to an empty home and my family is thousand miles away I need me some comfort.

kahkahkah

Last night in Venezia

Last night in Venice.

Chillin with Naynay watching Paw Patrol while playing some games on her pink laptop. By now, I have memorized all characters of Paw Patrol already.

Sedih jugak nak balik ni. If and only if I have plenty of leaves...sigh.

Last night I slept with quite an unhappy feeling. Nasibla woke up to some comforting texts by my good friend whom I already feel like my brother. Thank you brotherrr you don't know how much that text meant to me.

Later during the day someone text me and undid my unhappy feeling. So, I can say my first year of 2016 has been okay okay laa.

Forgive me if I ever hurt you, anyone who comes over this post, alright? I feel like I might have hurted somebody. But I don't know who or why. Tak tenang iols ni.